Life After You
by Grey'sAddict97
Summary: After meeting him in Paris, Meredith tells Derek that if they're ment to be, they'll see each other again. They do. Derek has always known he'd be a trauma surgeon in the army which, of course, complicates things.
1. I Miss You Daddy

**As stated in my other fanfictions, I also found and will be add my own personal touches as well. Moreover, I will be fixing grammar, changing names, among other things. All original materials and rights still are owned by aquariusmind.**

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_Chapter 1: I Miss You Daddy_

Meredith walked up the steps of her walkway, towards the house that she loved but lately found to be too big, too empty. She glanced up at it on her way to the door and contemplated selling it. Her stomach churned at the thought and she shook it out of her mind, it was too soon. It had been a long day on her feet at the hospital, she was at the end of her third year of residency and could barely catch her breath at the end of the day, but that may not be completely due to her job.

The last thing she wanted to do at the end of her day was to go on a date, but her friends urged her that she needed a little relaxation and company outside of work. He was a nice guy, had a nice smile, and for the first time in a long time she felt excited and flattered when he flirted with her instead of disgusted. She walked in the door and saw the living room light on, the girl on the couch looked up from a textbook and she smiled at her.

"Hey Jayne." she smiled, the girl stood up and threw her purse over her shoulder.

"Hi Meredith." she smiled.

"Thanks so much." Meredith said while digging for a few large bills from her purse "How was she?"

"An angel as usual." Jayne smiled.

"Good to hear," Meredith smiled as she handed her some money "how's biology?"

"Coming slowly but surely." Jayne rolled her eyes

"Well be patient," Meredith said, "You just have to find something to make it soak in."

"I'm sure." Jayne sighed "How was your date?" Meredith flinched a little, even though she knew what it was…she wasn't ready to accept the fact that she was dating again, Jayne caught that fact "I'm sorry Meredith."

"It's fine Jayne." Meredith smiled through her teeth "And it was nice."

"Oh, good." Jayne mumbled and shifted uncomfortably "Well I better go."

"Drive safe Jayne."

"Thank you Meredith."

Meredith watched as she walked out of the house and then locked the door behind her after hearing her pull out of the driveway safely. She then turned and climbed the stairs to the second floor, she stopped at the second door on the left and pushed it open the rest of the way. There was a nightlight on next to the small toddler sized bed, the rooms were painted a faint periwinkle color with fairy's artistically painted sporadically all over the walls. She crept into the room and saw a head of light brown curls peeping out of the covers, spilling across the pillow. She smiled as she knelt down and adjusted the covers down and tucked them under her sweet little chin. She leaned over and softly kissed the little girls cheek, Meredith froze when she stirred a little, not wanting her to wake up.

"I miss you Daddy." she whispered in her sleep.

Meredith pressed her lips together to hold the sob inside her throat, she forced it down with a gulp and batted her stinging eyes as she stood up and turned to walk out of the room. She closed the door but a creak and then walked across the hallway to her bedroom that she now occupied alone. She let a few tears fall but kept herself from sobbing as she kicked out of her heels and pulled her long black dress over her head, tossing it into the hamper.

She remembered when she'd bought this house, it was her dream home that he thought was too big, but she convinced him that they'd grow into it. They promised each other that they would fill each bedroom with children, and laughter and memories. Like the ones they had when she was pregnant, painting the room together and picking out baby furniture and him teasing that the fairy's she was painting looked like elves.

But now as she climbed into the large king sized bed all by herself, she laid down on her side, as if she were still waiting for him to come climb in beside her. She glanced over, his pillow still had the indent of his head in it, something she tried so hard to keep. It was the last thing in the house that made her feel that he had been there, that this was still his home too. She felt a sob rush up her throat and didn't even try to stop it, she ran her hand across the other side of the bed and cried….it was cold.

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**Please read and review?**


	2. Three Years Ago

_Chapter 2: Three Years Ago_

"Why the hell did you talk me into this?" Derek muttered as he and Mark walked up a cobblestone street.

"It's Paris man!" Mark grinned "Plus we needed a little break after the hell of a year we've been through, we finally got some vacation time, we should use it to it's fullest."

"And Paris is using it to it's fullest?" Derek asked, cocking up an eyebrow

"Maybe," Mark shrugged "but Paris has some hot chicks and I say we're both overdue for a good lay."

"There it is." Derek grinned "And what about all the nurses you fucked in the last two years? Run out of options?"

"I'm searching for a different flavor Derek, be open minded."

"So what happened to your slogan, one girl is just as good as the next?"

"This is Paris!" Mark laughed "Paris!"

Derek rolled his eyes; Mark's attention was suddenly captured by a group of girls walking out of a coffee shop speaking French.

"Look sharp Derek." Mark mumbled.

"Be my guest, I'm going to go check out that shop back there for maps."

"Who needs a map when you can have a local drag you around."

"Have fun Mark." Derek rolled his eyes. Mark didn't look heartbroken, he started stepping towards the girls.

"Mesdames!" he called out "Mesdames!"

Derek shook his head as he watched Mark go try his choppy high school French lessons with the local girls, most of them giggled, others looked annoyed, Derek didn't care. He turned and walked down a side street towards a shop he saw that sold maps. He didn't want to get lost and figured since Mark would be chasing tail most of the trip that he would sight see and make the most of this trip.

He was almost there when his senses were suddenly alerted by a loud shrieking scream. He stopped and looked down the alley that he was crossing to see a man push someone down and then high tail it towards Derek.

"Stop!" the girl called out.

Derek was planning to anyway, the man started to run past him but Derek stuck his arm out and clothes lined the guy, dropping him to the ground. The guy got startled and irritated and started to jump up and shove Derek, he drew his arm back and power punched him across the jaw. He dropped to the ground with a thud, and out cold. Derek knelt down and reached the item in the man's now loose grip, a red wallet, he picked it up and headed to the back of the alley where a tiny figure was standing up and brushing herself off.

She was very skinny, but in a cute way. As he got closer to her, he noticed himself scanning over her appearance, she wore a black English riding boots, a mini kilt with a t-shirt that had a four-leaf clover on it, a red beret hat on her head of short, shoulder length bright pink hair. He smirked to himself a little as he reached her, wondering if she couldn't figure out which country she was in this morning.

"This must be yours." he said.

"Oh god!" she gasped and reached out and snatched it from his hand "Thank you so much! I would have been so screwed!"

"As would we all." Derek smiled, given her Boston sounding accent there was no way she was a local "I'm glad to have been of assistance."

"Not just assistance." she sighed with relief "You saved my ass from being a permanent fixture of France. My passport is in here."

"You're American?" he asked.

"The fact that I'm not thanking you in French doesn't give that away?" she asks sarcastically.

"Well that and the fact that you're wearing about five different countries today." he smirked, she looked down at herself and then up at him and shrugged.

"I like being multicultural."

"Obviously." he chuckled, "I have to say though, not many people could pull it off."

"Thank you." she smiled, her green eyes shined on him "Since you saved my ass, can I get you a cup of coffee or something?"

"Um, sure." he smiled gratefully, he wasn't really looking for company but for some reason found himself not wanting to lose hers. "I'd love some."

"Awesome." she said, they turned and walked down the ally, stopping to see the burglar still out cold on the pavement "Jesus Christ! You really did a number on him!"

"I had to protect a damsel in distress." Derek smiled.

"Uh, thanks." she frowned "Are you some kind of hero or something?"

"No," he smiled, "just happened to be walking by actually, and good thing I did too."

"Yeah, thanks." she smiled, they walked into the café and walked up to the counter to order.

"Que puis-je vous sers?" the man asked from behind the counter. She pressed her lips together as she tried to mentally translate what he'd just asked her and tried to read the board behind him.

"Café?" she asked.

"maison ou dans le café de spécialité?" (In house coffee or specialty?) he asked. Her eyes widened and she scrambled to grab a small red and white book from her purse, the man behind the counter raised his brow and looked annoyed, Derek snickered under his breath.

"Bonjour, pourriez-vous nous donner un instant s'il vous plaît?" (Hello, would you give us a moment please?) Derek said smoothly with perfect French dialect, she looked up at him startled and embarrassed.

"Certes, merci." (sure, thanks) the man said.

"You speak French?" she mumbled.

"And you don't." he smirked a little, she blushed "Perhaps you should stick to one country at a time."

"You're making fun of me."

"Sorry," he smiled "what would you like?"

"An espresso, please."

"Perfect." Derek smiled then turned to the man waiting behind the counter "monsieur, nous serions comme deux expresso s'il vous plaît." (Sir, we would like two espresso please.)

"Tout de suite!" (Right away!) he said, then eyed the girl over and looked at Derek "vous avez de la chance qu'elle est jolie, il constitue pour l'ennui!" (you're lucky that she is pretty, it makes up for the annoyance!)

Derek chuckled a little as the man turned to go make their order.

"What did he say?" she frowned.

"Uh, nothing!" Derek stuttered "He said you're pretty."

She tightened her eyes as she studied Derek's face but sighed and let it go. He came back with their coffee order and they went to a table next to the window to sit down.

"So," she raised her brow as she blew at the steam coming off her espresso "you speak fluent French, but you're American, and you can knock a guy out cold with one punch. Are you some kind of CIA agent?"

"No." he laughed "just an army brat. We traveled a lot as a kind, so I picked up a few languages."

"And fighting techniques." she added.

"It was one of the first things my father taught me."

"I see," she said sipping at her drink "so did you follow in daddy's footsteps, are you in the army now, traveling?"

"No not quite." he sighed "Not yet anyway."

"Not yet?" she asked. He hesitated a little giving her all the information but was enjoying her company.

"Oh what the hell." he sighed "I'm a second-year surgery resident." She shot her eyes up to his and looked startled "I want to go into trauma surgery, it's what my father did, and I love the adrenaline rush. However, the Army is one of the best places to get the best training. So eventually I'll be joining. I just wanted to get medical school done the traditional way."

"Wow." she mumbled

"So tell me about you," he smiled "why are you here in Paris, where are you headed, and what's your name?"

"You must know all that? We just met." she frowned.

"Oh come on, I told you about my ambitions." he said "The least I could get for saving your life is your name."

"You didn't save my life, you saved my wallet."

"And your ass." he pointed out, she sighed and pressed her lips together.

"Sacha." she said.

"That's about as real a name as that is your natural hair color." he frowned. "I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm not a part of the CIA, you can tell me the truth."

"I'm not worried about that." she said while running a finger through her pink locks of hair

"Then why not tell me the truth?" he asked. She stared at him and gulped.

"Look I'm on vacation ok." she sighed "I didn't come here to be myself, I came to get away from myself, to take a break from being me."

"And changing your hair color and going by a weird name is not being yourself?"

"Sacha is not a weird name!" she frowned "Don't insult me."

"I'm not insulting you," he said "I'm insulting the fake you."

She rolled her eyes "Look thanks for saving my wallet and my ticket home, but I should go."

"I thought you were on vacation, usually people on vacation don't have places they have to go to."

"I have places to see, and sitting here arguing with you over what my name may or may not be isn't getting any of that done." she said while standing up "So thank you for everything really, but this is where we part."

"Wait," he said "what if I want to see you again?"

"I'm not here to date anyone, but I'm flattered really."

"I'm not here to date either, but I find you rather interesting and I thought maybe you would want to…hang out."

She stared at him for a moment, almost contemplating the offer but shrugged.

"If it's meant to happen, then we'll always be in the same place at the same time."

"You really trust fate that much?"

"Not really, but I figure if we just so happen to be then that means something's meant to be between us right?"

Derek watched as she shrugged and turned and walked out of the café, he gulped as he tried to accept the words she said and wondered if truly he would ever see her again. He felt his stomachache at the thought of not seeing her.


	3. I Met A Girl

_Chapter 3: I Met A Girl_

"What's wrong with you?" Mark sighed "You're ruining my impression!"

"How can I be ruining your impression?" Derek asked, "And why do you think anything is wrong?"

"You're walking around with a permanent frown on your face like you're thinking too much on something or depressed, you're supposed to be relaxed and on vacation." Mark explained "And it's ruining my impression because no one wants to talk to a guy who's hanging out with depressed people."

"Sorry." he sighed

"So are you missing work THAT much, or is it something else I really don't want to know or care about?"

"I met a girl." he confessed.

"I've met about three dozen girls Derek," Mark laughed "And I'm not looking bent out of shape about it."

"She's absolutely annoying, especially the way she dresses." Derek sighed "But I can't get her out of my head."

"Maybe if you'd get another girl on your head it'd help."

"Is sex always the answer with you?"

"No," Mark smirked as he turned into a shop "Sex is only the question…yes is the answer."

Derek frowned as he looked around the store he'd just followed Mark into, seeing feather boa's, mardi gras type beads, masks, leather suits, gloves, and odd costumes.

"Mark," Derek asked "why the hell are we in a costume store?"

"Hot chicks Derek." Mark explained "There's always hot chicks in costume stores, and if they're buying leather all the kinkier."

Derek opened his mouth to argue when he heard someone up front arguing. His attention went immediately there at the familiar sound of her voice. He wasn't shocked to find her wearing an odd ensemble, a black, yellow and red, frock, baby doll type dress that looked like she could pitch a tent in, black stockings, high heel boots and a black beret. At least she seemed to only have a few cultures on today, her pink shoulder length hair was replaced with a long brown hairdo that stuck straight down her thin back.

"Gloves! G-lov-ess!" she said in a loud voice "it's one word, how can you NOT know what I'm saying!"

"parce que je ne suis pas un étranger stupide." (because I'm not a stupid foreigner) said the saleswoman, obviously she heard loud and clear what the girl was saying she was just either having too much fun frustrating the hell out of her or didn't give a rats ass about the sale. Either way Derek stepped forward.

"Excuse-moi," (excuse me) Derek said, she stiffened up immediately at the sound of his voice and glanced at him over her shoulder "je vois que vous avez un problème?" (I see that you are having a problem)

"Oui, seulement avec les filles américaines ignorants qui pensent hurlant parle français." (only with ignorant American girls who think yelling is speaking French.)

"Je suis sûr que ce n'est qu'un malentendu Madame." (I think it is only a misunderstanding Madam)

"Eh bien, c'est impoli, je ne suis pas sourd, je n'ai pas besoin d'être crié." (Well it's rude, I'm not deaf, I don't need to be yelled at)

"Je m'excuse, si vous souhaitez que nous signalant les directions des gants, nous serons partis." (I apologize, if you would point us in the direction of the gloves we will be gone)

"A côté de la couronne, et s'il vous plaît pressé, je la veux sortir." (next to the crowns, and please hurry, I want her out) she pointed.

"Mon ami et je vous remercie Madame la." (my friend and I thank you Madam) Derek smiled, he grabbed hold of her arm and tugged her gently away from the lady, he glanced over to see Mark already in a heavy conversation with a blonde who spoke what sounded like German. That would be entertaining to watch.

"Gloves." Derek smiled as he picked a brown leather pair off the shelf.

"Thanks," she gulped "again…but I want these." she picked up a black lace pair. "So are you stalking me?"

"No actually," Derek said "my friend led me in here, it was fate."

"Or coincidence." she shrugged and picked up a white lace pair and held them up to him "What do you think, which one would go better with my outfit?"

"You and your outfits." he chuckled and picked up a red lace pair "How about these?"

"Oh!" her eyes lit up "I like the way you think."

"Derek." he said.

"Derek?" she asked raising a brow

"My name… it's Derek." he smiled "And yours is?"

"Still unknown to you." she smirked

"Brown today huh?" he asked flipping up a lock of her hair with his finger tip "Natural?"

"Only if my name is Sacha." she giggled.

"Oh come on," he whined softly "I saved your ass, twice now, you owe me a name."

"How did you save my ass twice?" she asked

"That sales lady was about to strangle you for yelling at her." he said "Which reminds me we need to be quick."

"Is that what that conversation was about?" she asked.

Derek nodded, then they were quickly interrupted by a large brute body stepping into their conversation.

"Derek let's go, there's no hot chicks in here today." Mark said, then saw the girl and did a double take "Well hello, or should I say bon jour?"

"Mark." Derek muttered.

"Oh," he grinned "by the hostile look in my friends eyes I am going to guess you're the girl he can't stop thinking about."

"Mark!"

"Obviously I'm Mark." he grinned and stuck out his hand, she raised her brow and looked at him annoyed as she shook his hand.

"Sacha."

"Or so she is calling herself." Derek mumbled under his breath. Mark eyed her up and down.

"She's cute, and girly, and very interesting clothing choice. Not my typical cup of tea, but I would do her." Mark said as if he were assessing the appearance of a car. She yanked her hand away from him and narrowed her eyes.

"Oh you must be one of those guys that thinks everyone likes them, that they're god's gift to women?"

"Well thanks for stating the obvious." he grinned.

"Yeah, I don't like you."

"What?" Mark gulped as if she'd just burst his bubble. "Why?"

"For one, your ego is too big, usually that's compensating something." she said and glanced at his zipper as if she were gesturing "And all those poor misdirected women you've gotten to get into bed with you are probably not all truthful and clean so you're reeking of possible STDs, and third well… you're just not my cup of tea."

Mark stood there looking shocked and appalled, she heard Derek snicker and she tossed the gloves back on the shelf and turned.

"I'm leaving Derek, you can come or stay with VD boy." she giggled at herself "It's like super boy, but with disease."

"I like it." he smirked as he followed her through the store.

"How do you say, thanks but you don't have what I needed." she asked.

"Oh." he nodded "Ne parlez pas au gros homme dans le dos, il a un petit pénis et une maladie vénérienne."

"Thanks." she smiled and turned to the sales lady "Ne parlez pas au gros homme dans le dos, il a un petit pénis et une maladie vénérienne." (Don't talk to the big man in the back, he has a small penis and a venereal disease)

The woman gasped and looked shocked as she glared at her and screamed as she waved, gesturing them to leave.

"dehors! sortir d'ici, vous deamon petit!"

"Wow." she giggled as they got onto the sidewalk "I guess she was really mad at me, I almost feel bad."

"Almost?" he asked. She giggled, "so Sacha, what are we doing now?"

"Are you assuming we'll be doing something together?"

"Well, I'd say being in the same place at the same time two days in a row signifies that fate may indeed want us together. And being that I saved your ass a few times I think you owe me a little company, so yes, I'm assuming we spend time doing something…together."

"You're interesting Derek." she smiled as she looped her arm around his, he felt warmed by the gesture "Amuse me."

"Amuse you," he mumbled "will that be enough to know your name."

"I told you my name."

"Sacha is not your name."

"How do you know?" she frowned "I could be a Sacha."

"You are definitely not a Sacha." he chuckled and gave her a long sideways glance "I'd say a Mary or Elizabeth, or something more traditional."

"I don't look like a Sacha then." she said, sounding almost disappointed.

"You are doing a very good job at masking yourself to be a carefree spirit who wears…" he trailed off and looked down at her outfit again "a very interesting assortment of clothing, but deep down inside of you I can see that you're a more down to earth kind of girl."

"Who is letting loose, since she's on vacation." she giggled. "You should try it."

"I don't know that I could go to the extremes you do."

"Amusement Derek, you're aiming for it remember?"

"Alright," he sighed and stopped them both "if I amuse you enough, you have to tell me what your real name is, and what hair color you have. I want to see the real you."

She stared at him long and hard for a good minute as she processed the thought through her mind.

"Alright," she nodded "but I'll be the judge of how much I'm amused."

"Deal." he smiled. "One more thing."

"What?"

"If I ask you a question you need to answer it honestly."

"As long it's not a name or hair color question." she gulped "I can deal."

"What are your parent's names?" he asked.

"I don't have parents." she said.

"Hey!" he scoffed.

"No, I'm serious." she answered honestly "My parents died when I was twelve, I'm an orphan."

"How sad." he frowned.

"You believe me." stating incredulously

"You said it honestly."

"How can you tell if I'm lying or telling the truth."

"You have a pitch in your voice when you lie, you didn't have it when you answered."

"There you go with that CIA crap again Derek," she giggled "you'll do great in the Army whenever it is that you'll be joining."

"Not for a while yet." he smiled, "So how did they die?"

"They were doctors." she said "they were working for the W.H.O. and contracted malaria when in Africa, helping fight the disease. I moved in with my aunt after that."

"That's terrible." he frowned.

"Oh!" she gasped and stopped them "Let's go there!"

He looked to where she was pointing and could see a small street fair type convention going on down on the docks of a large pond. He frowned and glanced over to see a glistening expression in her eyes.

"Why would we go there?" he frowned "it looks like a bunch of hippies and gypsies."

"Exactly!" she grinned "Plenty of ways for you to amuse me."


	4. Amuse Me

_Chapter 4: Amuse Me_

"Oh, what do you think about this one?" She asked, pulling a large vinyl record out of a stack.

"Jim Croce?" he wrinkled his nose.

"Time in a bottle!" she grinned "Classic!"

"Do you even own a record machine?" he asked.

"No," she pouted and turned back to searching "but someday I'd like to own one and play those old sappy songs you hear on black and white movies."

"And find a guy to dance to them with you barefoot around your living room?"

"Yes!" she giggled "How did you know?"

"It's something my parents used to do, or still do I should say."

"They sound cute." she smiled.

"Oh here's one!" Derek chuckled as he pulled out a record "Now this is classic."

"B-b-benny! Benny and the jets!" she sang out, he chuckled "Now that is a classic."

"So where did you graduate college?" he asked.

"College?" she gulped "What makes you think I went to college?"

"I'm guessing that's why you're here. Escaping life because you just went through a helacious bout of college. Most likely law school or something grueling, now you want a break from life before you go back to the grind of life."

"You are much too observant Derek." she sighed "And it was Med school."

"Really?" he asked looking quite intrigued.

"Yes," she said "I'm not trying to follow in my parent's footsteps, but since they died I told myself I wanted to become a doctor. Not to be like them but to try to save them, or people like them anyway."

"Very noble of you Sacha." he said, his eyes twinkled with delight.

"Thanks." she smiled "But really, why are you playing twenty one questions instead of amusing me, not talking me to death?"

"Hmm." he smirked and glanced around, another booth caught his eye "We should get tattoos."

"What!" she gasped, her eyes bulged.

"Yeah, of each other's names or something."

"Derek, I hardly know you." she stuttered "And you don't even know my last name."

"Ok, well maybe we should just get Henna tattoos." he said pointing to the display, she looked over at it and then at him

"Amusing."

He grabbed her hand and pulled her across the lawn to the tattoo tent, they looked through the designs and each picked one. He rolled the sleeve to his shirt up as he sat down in the chair and then looked up at her, amused expression.

"Alright, I'm doing it."

"Doing what?"

"I need your name," he grinned "for the tattoo."

She rolled her eyes. "I'll give you the first letter."

"Deal."

"M." she said, his face warmed and his eyes melted.

"M." he breathed. She giggled.

It seemed like forever until the lady was done with the artwork on his arm, the letter M being the center piece. She smiled when he stood up.

"My turn." she smiled

He turned and sat in a chair across from hers, she reached behind her and unbuttoned a few of the buttons that held her frock together and slid it down her body. His eyes couldn't help but follow the garment down and notice that though she was thin, her body was flawless, and perfect, and he couldn't help but find himself craving to see more. She held it at her waist, sitting down in just her bra and her dress around her hips as she pointed out the pattern she wanted on her shoulder. She looked over and noticed right away him staring her up and down.

"Your ogling isn't amusing." she said. He looked away immediately and picked up a magazine to read.

"Sorry," he cleared his throat "I wasn't expecting that."

"It's just skin Derek." she smiled "Everyone has it."

"Some look better than others though." he mumbled.

"Are you saying I have nice skin?"

"That would be a good presumption." he said. She giggled "So how long are you in Paris?"

"For four days, well three after today." she said.

"Are you going home after this?"

"No," she said "I'm touring Europe, I go to Rome next and then Greece, then home."

"Where is home."

"Name, hair color and home." she said.

"Huh?"

"Those are the things you have to work for, and home is pushing it."

"Why?"

"How do I know you're not going to turn into some psycho stalker Derek." she said "Besides your CIA instincts should be able to figure it all out anyway."

"I'd say somewhere on the east coast, probably new England judging by your accent."

"Close enough." she smiled.

The woman finished up with her tattoo and Derek paid her and thanked her for it. They headed out to look at the next set of displays, they walked and glanced at an art display, walked by some puppies for sale, costume jewelry that she ogled over. He bought her a ring for each of her ten fingers that she wore all at once immediately. As they were walking closely, side by side their hands somehow connected.

He took her tiny one into his large one and their fingers intertwined, it was a perfect match, as if they'd belonged together. Neither of them looked at the other, they both kept walking along as if it were a natural gesture, like an elderly couple who'd been together for fifty years. She finally stopped, he looked over to see a grin on her face and turned his attention to what she was looking at. He saw a drawing of a head with bright green hair and panicked internally.

"No." he said flatly.

"Yes!' she grinned

"No, way." he shook his head "I like the color of my hair."

"Oh come on Derek," she whined "they wash out the first time you step in the shower."

"Green is not very becoming of me."

"Then go with blue," she smiled "it would bring out your pretty eyes."

A flicker of a smile crossed his lips at the sound of her compliment towards him.

"It would be amusing." she said.

He sighed, feeling defeat creeping upon him. Somehow he had the feeling that whether he was trying to get information out of her or not that she would always have the upper hand when it came to him.

"Blue highlights." he said in defeat.

"Yay!" she squealed and clapped her hands together. He chuckled, watching her delight.

He walked into the booth and told the hairdresser what he wanted then sat in the chair. She stood a few feet from them and watched with delight, a constant sparkling smile on her face as he conceded to live wildly. He watched her watching the hairdresser putting streaks of blue into his dark raven hair and found every expression in her face, in her smile, in her eyes, to be breathtaking and beautiful. Finally the stylist was done, he stood up and gulped as he glanced into the mirror, he cringed and put the mirror down.

"How do I look?" he asked.

"Dazzling." she grinned.

"Are you very amused?"

"Very." she giggled as she ran her finger through his blue highlighted hair.

"Name?" he asked in a whisper. She stopped and brought her hand back down.

"Have dinner with me tonight Derek," she said "and between then and now I'll think about telling you that."

"You said…" he grumbled.

"I said.." she smirked "that I would be the one to judge that. So dinner?"

"Fine." he sighed, "When, where?"

"Meet me at the base of the Eiffel tower at nine o'clock." she smiled, "And close your eyes."

"Why?"

"If you want me to trust you with my name, you have to trust me." she said "Close your eyes."

He did, and a second later he felt her sweet lips brush against his. He wanted to wrap his around hers, craving more instantly but in half a second they were gone. His lips automatically curved upward as he hoped for more than just that, but he heard nothing, just the rumble of voices from the crowds outside.

"Sacha?" he asked, he didn't hear anything "Sacha?"

He finally opened his eyes and found her to be gone without a trace. He sighed and cursed himself for being so stupid and vulnerable, but at least he had hope that he would see her again, something to hang on to.

* * *

**What do you think about Derek doing all of these crazy gestures just to amuse Meredith?**


	5. My Name is Meredith

_Chapter 5: My Name is Meredith_

Derek walked through the door of the hotel room he was sharing with Mark and cringed as soon as he saw his best friend walk out of the bathroom.

"Hey Der." Mark mumbled throwing him a glance, he did a double and scowled "What the fuck did you do to your hair!"

"Sacha." he mumbled.

"That crazy chick from the costume shop?" Mark frowned "She did that to you?"

"Not entirely." Derek sighed "I did it to myself, I just let her talk me into it."

"You're shitting me." he laughed "Dude, you look like you've got smurf's hiding in your hair."

"Thanks." Derek muttered "At least she liked it."

"You did it for her?" Mark raised his brow "You've got it bad."

"She's not like anyone else Mark, she's just…" Derek sighed.

"She's definitely not like anyone else." Mark said "but my point of view it's not a good thing. There's plenty of women in this city of love Derek, I can't believe that out of all of Paris you want the one American broad here."

"Yeah." he mumbled as he touched his lips, even though hers were on them for a second he still felt them.

"You can come out with me tonight, find a nice hot little French girl. You'll totally forget about the yank."

"Can't." Derek said smiling "I'm going out with the Yank."

"Well I hope for your sake that she's a good fuck." Mark said, "At least all the shit she's making you go through would be half assed worth it."

"Mark." Derek frowned "It's times like these I really wonder why or how we ever became friends."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't give a shit about sex," Derek said "she's not just a piece of ass, she's a human being."

"Whatever man, I'm just saying."

"Yeah, I know what you're saying." Derek muttered as he stood up off the bed "I'm going to go shower."

"Good luck with the blue man." Mark called out.

"It'll come out in the shower."

"I mean the blue balls; those don't wash out." Mark grinned.

Derek grabbed his wadded socks laying on the dresser and lobbed them at Mark, hitting them squarely at his chest, he laughed. Derek rolled his eyes and slammed the bathroom door shut behind him. She was right, the blue came right out as soon as the water touched it. For a while he was worried about it staining his skin, but it all washed down the drain. He took his time getting ready, hoping that by the time he got out of the bathroom that Mark was already gone, to his relief he was right.

He kept it sharp but casual. Putting on his favorite pair of jeans, a black long-sleeved sweater with a white undershirt. He looked at the clock, it was eight thirty and he wasn't sure how quickly the cabs in the city were. He rushed out the door and hailed a cab as soon as he got to the street. They were quicker than he thought they would be, he got there with a few minutes to spare, but noticed someone, who was probably her, already waiting by the outer gate. He smiled as he crossed the street, she turned and smiled at him.

She was wearing black stiletto heels, black leather pants, a black chiffon sheer shirt that draped over her torso, but he could see through it enough to notice the lacy details of her black bra, a black leather jacket. Her hair was a dark auburn now, and it was curled and pinned tightly to the rest of her head, looking as though it was styled in the 1940's, and to top off her dark outfit she smiled at him with bright, fire engine red lips.

"I never know what to expect with you." he smiled as he reached her.

"You don't have to expect anything." she smiled back "Ready to go?"

"Up?" he asked. She glanced up at the tall tower and laughed.

"Heavens no!" she giggled "I'm terrified of heights."

"Seriously?" he frowned "I have to say that's the most shocking thing about you yet."

"Yeah," she shrugged "I just don't like having my feet that far off the ground."

"How can you go to Paris, and not go to the Eiffel tower? It's a must."

"Easy, I just don't. Paris isn't all about a stupid tower."

"I thought you were trying to not be yourself." he smiled, she pursed her lips "Close your eyes."

"What?" she frowned.

"If you expect me to trust you with giving me your name, you need to close your eyes."

"Don't use my own lines against me!" she grimaced.

"Molly, close your eyes."

"Molly?" she giggled.

"Give me a little slack, I'm trying." he smiled "Melinda?"

"Oh god, please stop." she laughed as she sealed her eyes closed. He took her hand and led her through the gates "Derek, what are you doing?"

"Just keep your eyes closed, until I say to open them. And trust me."

"This better not freak me out, or you'll be afraid of heights."

"I'm not afraid of heights, only of falling."

"Exactly."

He shook his head and led her to the elevator. He pulled her inside and wrapped an arm around her, she cradled into him as if it were where she belonged, her eyes sealed tightly shut, they rode in silence all the way up. He stared at the beautiful smooth features of her face, noticing the faded freckles on her nose and finding them beautiful, the perfect contour of her lips that he wanted so desperately against his. The elevator finally dinged, and the doors opened, he cupped his hand around hers and led her out onto the deck. He positioned them in the middle of it and leaned in and kissed the skin on her temple ever so lightly.

"Open your eyes." he whispered.

She smiled before slowly opening her eyes, he heard a loud gulp and her hand seize tightly around his, a moment of panic, he started to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have when she gasped. He looked at her, expecting to see horror plastered on her face but found delight instead. She glanced at the view, the beautiful city of Paris lit up with lights, it was majestic, magical, and she was taking it all in for the first time.

"Oh my god Derek!" she whispered "It's beautiful."

"Yeah," he said, all the while staring at her face "it is."

She looked up at him, catching his stare, he didn't look away ashamed of the fact, he was mesmerized by her. Her eyes darkened a little and she gulped, then reached up and pulled at the hair on top of her head, she tugged the auburn wig off her head and dropped it to the ground. A head full of long golden locks fell around her shoulders, taking Derek's breath away with the sweet scent of lavender.

"You're a blonde." he mumbled.

"Disappointed?" she asked.

"No." he whispered, taking a few strands of her beautiful golden hair between his fingers "It's beautiful….I don't know why you hide it."

"Sometimes it's fun to be someone else." she said. "But it's nice when someone can see beneath that too."

"I have to say that I like very much what's underneath your disguise." he smiled.

They stared at each other in a blissful silence for minutes that seemed like hours, his arms craved to have her in them, he reached for her and held her close. She gasped a little at the gesture, almost waiting for his lips to come crashing against hers like she secretly wanted them to. Then he started swaying them back and forth, as if in a dance. He started humming a familiar tune, a song by the late Billie Holiday…

"Somewhere beyond the sea…Somewhere waiting for me…My lover stands on golden sands…And watches the ships that go sailing. … Somewhere beyond the sea…" Derek sang softly into her ear.

She felt herself being swept away quickly, this is so much more than she'd always wanted. Here she was, not wanting anything or any attention from anyone. Just wanting to spend time by herself and a friend. And yet the most handsome man she'd ever seen becomes nothing less than a knight in shining armor. It terrified her as much as it delighted her, but scaring her even more was that she was the one that could put a stumbling block out there.

"Meredith." she whispered into his neck as she rested her head against his broad shoulder.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"My name," she said softly, then lifting her head away from him to look into his eyes "is Meredith."

"Meredith." he smiled, the word rolled of his tongue like velvet. She rested her head back against his shoulder as he hummed more of the song.

"Derek?" she asked softly.

"Meredith." he said her name as if he were falling in love with it more each time he said it.

"Tell me something romantic."

"Like what?" he asked.

"Something in French, like in those old black and white movies."

Derek thought for only a second then lowered his voice to a soft seductive whisper "vous êtes la plus belle créature que j'ai jamais mis mes yeux, et c'est la fin de ma vie comme je le sais." (You are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on, and this is the end of my life as I know it.)

"What does that mean?" she smiled.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

She giggled and lifted her head to look into his eyes. They felt water drops splash against their faces and looked up to the sky to see rain starting to drop down, they then caught each other's glance and it turned into a stare. They found themselves leaning into the other, feeling unable to turn away if their life depended on it. And then, they touched. His lips opened to take hers inside of them, her tongue slipped into his mouth and tasted sweeter than any candy he'd ever had in there. As the kiss intensified moans passed between them, his arms wrapped around her tiny frame and his hands slid up the back of her shirt, she gasped.

"Derek." she panted against his swollen lips "I'm getting all wet."

"Oh yeah?" he groaned, finding himself wanting to find out just how wet she really was.

"The rain Derek." she giggled. He stopped his lips and pulled back, feeling embarrassed but seeing a look of amusement in her eyes "But since we're on that note, maybe we should go back to your hotel room."

He looked delighted at the thought and without a word grabbed her hand and drug her to the elevator, she giggled and as soon as they were inside he yanked her into him and his lips picked up like they never left off.


	6. Vacation Lover

_Chapter 6: Vacation Lover_

The entire ride down to the ground floor as well as the whole taxi ride, with exception of when Derek had to give him directions and payment for their ride to his hotel, their lips never left each other. Somehow, they managed to make it up to his floor and he fiddled with the key for a few minutes before finally getting the door open. He glanced in relieved to see that it was empty and Mark-less. He slammed the door behind them, and their lips met once again in an urgent mingle, their shoes were the first to go and started leaving a clothing trail to the bed.

By the time they reached it, she was only wearing her lace underwear and bra. He gently pushed her back against the bed and reveled in the sight of her beautiful and flawless body that he'd been craving for what seemed like forever, yet it had only been a matter of days. He started to contemplate whether this was too soon, but she wanted it just as much as he did, and who was he to turn her down. He trailed his lips down her chest and moved the cups of her bra aside, taking one of her budding rosy nipples into his mouth, she moaned loudly and fished her fingers into his hair, tugging on the strands lightly.

"Do you have a condom?" she moaned.

He stopped and thought for a minute, panicked even. He wasn't expecting to have sex here in Paris on this trip, in fact he couldn't remember the last time he needed condoms. Suddenly something occurred to him, a light bulb moment.

"Mark." he panted "Mark has condoms, hell he probably has a year's supply."

"Really?" she giggled as she watched him fish around Mark's suitcase "I never pegged Mark as the condom kind of guy."

"Mark may be stupid." Derek laughed "But when it comes to sex, he's smart."

"At least one of his heads stops to think." she giggled.

"Long enough to slip a condom on anyway." Derek chuckled, then grinned as he held up a small square wrapper "Speaking of which."

She smiled with delight as he walked back over to her, setting it next to her on the bed and hovered back over her, taking her exposed breast into his hand and wrapping his lips around it. She moaned and ran her hands down his bare chest and torso, he trembled lightly at her warm touch against his skin and moved his mouth to her other breast. She reached the waist of his pants and un buttoning and unzipping his pants, she pulled them off his hips and pulled his boxers down just enough to release his hard member from the confines of material.

She massaged it, stroking it softly at first and then after hearing a pleasured groan from him she picked up pace a little. He reached his hand between her legs and felt through her lace panties that she was sopping with hot wetness, he plunged two fingers inside of her, feeling how tight she was and went crazy thinking about how good she would feel with his dick inside of her. She pushed him up to a stance at the edge of the bed, she sat up on the edge of it, dangling her legs around him. She took his hard cock in her hand and then washed her tongue over it. He gasped and groaned as she wrapped her lips around it and slowly slid it in and out of her mouth. He went just about insane at how good it felt, he rested his hand on the back of her head, weaving his fingertips into her hair and groaned loudly.

"Oh god Meredith!" he moaned "Oh god!"

After bringing him to near completion she pulled her mouth off of him and smirked at the glossy look of amazement in his eyes. She reached for the wrapper and peeled it open, then placed the circular rubber object on the cusp of his dick and slid it slowly down the shaft. He groaned at the gesture and pushed her back on the bed, crushing his lips against hers, digging his tongue deeply into her mouth and rubbing it smoothly against hers. He spread her legs around his hips and readied himself for the first thrust when they heard the click of the lock and knob on the door start to turn.

"Shit!" Derek gasped, he grabbed the blanket and tossed it over them as it opened halfway "Mark! Get the fuck out!"

"Derek." Mark said peeking his head through the door, he looked almost embarrassed "Shit I didn't know you were in here.. And busy!"

"Now you know." Derek hissed "Get the hell out of here!"

"Sacha?" Mark asked surprised.

"It's Meredith." she said gesturing a wave "And nice to see you again Mark, but we're a little preoccupied, could you come back later?"

"I would.. Really I would." Mark sighed "I of all people know how badly Derek needs to get laid."

"Then let me and get the fuck out!"

"But I have triplets out here.. French triplets, and oh my god they're hot!" Mark emphasized "I just need the room for an hour or two and then it's yours all night."

"Mark!" Derek hissed.

"Triplets?" Meredith asked, raising her brow "It's not every day you get to have a foursome."

"Thank you!" Mark gasped, his eyes lit up "See I knew I liked you!"

"But you said-" Derek hissed.

"Please, please, please!" Mark whined "With three cherries on top!"

"Derek." Meredith giggled "Hand me my shirt."

"What!" they both gasped, Derek narrowed his eyes "No, you're not going anywhere."

"Excuse me!" she grimaced "This is great and very wanted, but obviously we're being interrupted and our moment is kind of gone. Mark isn't going anywhere until he gets his way anyhow so I might as well go."

"You aren't leaving until I say so." Derek growled. She narrowed her eyes and shoved him off of her and onto the floor.

"Sorry caveman, I mistook you for a Derek." she muttered as she stood up, grabbed her clothes off the floor and walked to the door, she flung it open the rest of the way, Mark couldn't stop himself from eyeing her nearly naked body as she passed him "Have a nice night with the triplets Mark."

"Thanks." he grinned. Derek stumbled to his feet and pulled up his pants, grabbed his sweater and shoes off the floor before running after her.

"Remind me to kill you later!" he growled at Mark as he passed him. He saw Meredith heading down the hallway in her lacy undergarments holding her pile of clothing as she walked to the elevators "Meredith, wait!"

The doors opened and she stepped in and turned around, he dove into the elevators and made it inside just as the doors closed. He looked up from where he landed on the floor out of breath to see her scowling at him as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"I'm sorry." he panted "That was very asinine of me and I'm sorry."

"Asinine is putting it lightly!" she muttered while pulling her pants back on "You were a god damn pig in there, I'm not a piece of fucking meat and I won't be ordered to do anything Derek. I'm a woman and I'll be respected!"

"I know." he said desperately "I respect you; I really do."

She narrowed her eyes as she pulled her jacket on and slipped back into her heels. The look in his eyes was wide and sincere, she knew that he was probably just caught in the moment, and what a heated moment it was. She hated ending it any less than he did, but she knew that Mark was the kind who wouldn't give up easily. So, it was either have sex in front of him or go somewhere else, and she was a very private person to that extent. She sighed and smiled softly at him as the elevator stopped on the ground floor.

"Alright," she said "if you can behave yourself you can come with me."

"Where are we going?" he asked, sounding relieved.

"Since we can't have sex right now," she said walking out of the elevator, he followed "I think we need to go cool off."

"Cooling off." he nodded "Cooling off is good."

She giggled and extended her hand for him to take, he did graciously as they walked out the doors to the hotel. They walked down the sidewalk in silence for a while until she turned and crossed the street with him in tow, the walked into the Parc de Monceau and let the cool air dry out their hormones and tempers of the situation.

"What about your hotel?" he asked.

"It's preoccupied with two of my travel mates, and I don't think they want to watch us have sex." she said.

"Ah well." he shrugged.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to have sex Derek." she said sympathetically "Really I am."

"Maybe it was too soon anyway." he smiled sadly, they reached the pond and she stepped up onto the ledge surrounding it, holding his hand for balanced they walked along.

"Too soon for two people who are only going to know each other for four days?" she asked. He looked up at her, "Did you really think we'd know each other for longer?"

"Did you not?" he asked.

"We're travelers on vacation." she giggled "I really love your company Derek, but this is Paris."

"You say that like it's Vegas…what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

"Exactly." she smiled, then pursed her lips "Except herpes…that shit stays with you."

He laughed at her joke as did she, she jumped down from the ledge and landed in his arms, she smiled up at him brightly as she wrapped her free arm around his shoulders and intertwined her fingers with his in her other hand.

"Dance with me!" she asked. He couldn't deny her, he smiled as he swayed them back and forth in the moonlight. She stared into his eyes, they were happy but with a tinge of sadness behind them "What's wrong my vacation lover?"

"That." he mumbled as he dipped her down and then brought her back up again "that I'm only your vacation lover."

"Derek, you've been a dear to me." she said softly "But it just won't work. After we go home we're going to be so busy we'll barely be able to think to ourselves much less make time to talk to each other. I mean chances are we'll live far apart, maybe even on opposite sides of the country. Do you really have the time for a long distance relationship?"

"I could make time."

"You would have to make it." she murmured and hugged him closely "For me, I don't want anyone to make anything for me. I want it to come naturally, so let's just leave it at this and enjoy what time we have left."

He hated how much sense she made, but she was right in a way. He had such little time as it was, it would be nearly impossible to carry on a long-distance relationship. But for her, he would do anything, he would create a 25th hour in the day if he could. And the fact that she was so selfless, that she didn't want to let him do anything that would bend him over backwards for her made him want her even more. How could life be so cruel? He didn't say anything in fear of choking up, so he started humming another Billie Holiday song as they danced in sweet silence under the light of the moon.


	7. Falling For You

_Chapter 7: Falling For You_

After a long night of dancing, they dozed off in each other's arms on a park bench. The break of dawn and song of the birds nesting in the park trees stirred them gently awake. Meredith smiled to herself at the beautiful sight before her and warmth that was wrapped around her in the form of Derek's arms. Paris at night was a beautiful sight, and thanks to Derek's persistence she saw it at its best, from the Eiffel tower that makes Paris, Paris. But Paris at sunrise in the Parc de Monceau was a breathtaking sight as well.

"Morning sunshine." she heard him mumble and place a kiss against her temple.

"Good morning." she smiled.

"What should we do today?" he asked.

"Assuming we're doing anything together today?" she arched her brow.

"If four days is all I get with you, and three of them already gone, I'd say I need another day." he said.

"Fair enough." she nodded "I was thinking of going to the beach today."

"Beach?" Derek raised his brow "There's no beach in Paris."

"Normandy, Derek." she said "I want to go to Normandy."

"You want to go spend a sunny day on the beach where hundreds of our country men were slaughtered?"

"What better way to honor them than to enjoy ourselves." Meredith smiled. Derek shook his head and sighed. "It's only a two hour drive."

"And how exactly are we getting there?" he asked "We're tourists, we don't have a car."

"That's for you to figure out while I go change and grab a suit."

"What?" he frowned "Why do I have to figure it out if you were going anyway."

"Because I doubt you want to hitchhike." she said.

"Hitch hike!" he gasped "That's how you were going to go."

"Yes, and unless you figure out how to get there by nine, I still will."

"You are insane you know that." Derek mumbled as they both stood up of the bench."

"Yes I am, and you love it." she giggled, a smile immediately spread across his face and a feeling of warmth bubble up inside his chest at the thought of the word, she caught onto his expression and blushed "Um, so I better go."

"Where do we meet?" he asked "I don't know where you're staying."

"I'm staying at the Castex." she said. "I'll meet you in the lobby at nine o'clock."

"I'll see you there." he said with a smile.

She smiled back and turned to go, he reached out and grabbed her, swinging her back around and crashing her body into his. She gasped at the gesture, but her lips were quickly covered with his own, he gave her a long intense drudging kiss before releasing her to a breathless state. She stared at him in amazement for a moment before giggling and stumbling off.

"Goodbye Derek."

"I'll see you later, Meredith."

Derek started walking to his hotel all the while wondering what mode of transportation they could use to get to Normandy without hitchhiking. He was almost to the front of his hotel when he passed by a shop that caught his eye, he stopped and stepped backward and stared into the window and smiled as light bulb after light bulb turned on in his head.

* * *

Meredith Grey was a simple soul, she'd had a pretty easy life beside her parent's dying at a young age. Still though, she was raised thereafter by her Aunt Susan, a wonderful woman and her father's sister. She taught Meredith to stay focused but have fun at the same time. She was strict but loving, and Meredith couldn't have had a better role model. She taught her to love herself the most, that if she let herself down that she would let everyone else down as well.

With that mindset Meredith didn't have much to do with love, she'd had boyfriends in the past but most didn't last more than a few weeks, a month tops. She was a selfish person, and she knew that when she met the man that made her want to be self-less that she would spend the rest of her life with him. Derek made her want to do that, and it scared the hell out of her. It was Paris of all places, she didn't know where Derek was from or where he lived but she didn't want to know either, in fear of wanting to uproot herself and her life to move to a place she had never been or had no desire to go. Derek would make her want to do that, so she forced herself to make this end in Paris…it couldn't go any further than that.

"Hey Sadie." she said as she walked in the door of her hotel room, the blonde looked up at her from the bed.

"Hey Deth." she grinned in her English accent "Where the devil have you been all night, hot guy?"

"Very hot." Meredith giggled as she pulled clothing out of her suitcase.

"Hot sex?" Sadie asked intrigued.

"The start of it was pretty hot." Meredith said as she started pulling her clothes off "But it was interrupted by his moron of a friend who felt his need to experience a foursome was more important than our need to finish what we started."

"Not every day you get a foursome though." Sadie pointed out.

"Exactly what I said!" Meredith giggled, she pulled her bikini on and then a short jean skirt with black riding boots, a white and red striped long-sleeved shirt, black vest and navy blue bowler hat. Sadie raised her brow.

"No crazy wig to go with your stupid outfit?"

"No." Meredith shrugged "I can be myself with him now."

"Your crazy self or your regular self?"

"Both." Meredith smiled.

"Oh." Sadie gasped "You're falling for him."

"Yes." She replied confidently.

"Is it freaking you out?" Sadie smirked curiously.

"It's terrifying."

"So you'll be getting his information then."

"No."

"No?" Sadie frowned "Why not?"

"Because this is Paris." Meredith sighed "And I don't want a long-distance relationship when I'm going to be so focused on my intern year, I won't be able to see straight. It's better this way."

"What if he doesn't live across the country though." Sadie said, "For all you know he lives down the street from you and you've just never met until now."

"I doubt it." Meredith rolled her eyes "And if that were the case then we'll just have to meet again in America."

"Are you trusting fate that much?"

"With him," she sighed "yes."

"Why are you so terrified of a relationship with a guy you're actually clicking with?"

"Because," she said "if I do, it'll be the end of it."

"The end of what?"

"The end of my life, the life that I know. And from then on it'll be our life."

"Oh." Sadie gulped "That is kind of scary."

"Exactly." Meredith nodded. "I'll see you later."

"What, you just got back…where are you going now?"

"To the beach with Derek."

"Derek huh." she said "Have fun, and don't drown yourself."

"I'm an excellent swimmer Sadie." Meredith frowned, feeling almost offended.

"I meant in love, not the water."

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked out of the hotel room. She skipped down the stairs and smiled when she saw him waiting for her in the lobby. She walked quickly up to him and threw her arms around him giving him a luscious greeting kiss. He smiled with surprise when she stepped back.

"Hello to you too." he grinned.

"So are we hitchhiking?" she asked.

"No." he said firmly "Our ride is right out here."

He placed his hand on the small of her back as he led her outside and onto the sidewalk. Meredith looked around for a car of some sort, but the only thing sitting by the curb was a silver colored Vespa. She frowned and looked at him.

"That?" she giggled.

"What's wrong with that?"

"I pictured you as more of a Harley guy." she giggled.

"Well they were all out of those," he smiled as he handed her a helmet "and this is better than hitchhiking anyway."

"Hitchhiking could be fun."

"I never picked you for the run on other people's time kind of girl."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well when you bum a ride from someone else going in that direction you're going on their time, stopping when they stop, detouring where they detour. You don't seem like that type."

"You're right." her eyes glistened with delight "I'm not."

"Shall we then?" he asked while reaching up to help her fasten her helmet.

She nodded, he climbed on and then she climbed on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning into him as if she never wanted to let go.


	8. Sex on the Beach

_Chapter 8: Sex on the Beach_

She was surprised at the wonderful time she had riding on the back of a Vespa through the French countryside with Derek inside of her arms. They didn't have to speak a word to enjoy each other's company and were satisfied with that much. After a few hours they finally reached Normandy.

"So, was that as bad as you thought it would be?" Derek asked after they'd gotten off the Vespa.

"No Derek," she smiled "I was wrong, it wasn't bad at all."

"Good." he smiled and grabbed a basket off the back.

"What is that?"

"Lunch." he said "You didn't expect me to let you go without eating today did you? With the wind blowing down on the beach you might become a kite."

"Funny." she glared and then followed him down to the beach.

They walked down the trail through the cliffs and out onto the beach. It was sort of a windy day and overcast. Not a sort of day you would think to go to the beach, but it was perfect enough of a day for them to find the beach empty, just for them to enjoy by themselves. Derek laid out a blanket and rested the picnic basket on it, he glanced up to see Meredith stripping her clothing, leaving her in a sexy little yellow and brown striped strapless bikini. She glanced over to see his eyes lustfully taking her body in and smirked to herself.

"Need a napkin to wipe up that drool?" she asked.

"I uhm.." was all he could stutter out. She giggled.

"I'm going for a swim." she said.

"The water is probably freezing cold." he said, watching her prance towards the waves.

"Well," she smirked over her shoulder "come warm it up for me then."

A growl of lust rumbled deep in his gut and he took no time stripping off his shirt and pants, leaving him in a pair of swim trunks, he walked as fast as he could to the water, finding her giggling at him in the waves. It took less than a second for him to take her in his arms in the waist deep water. He lifted her to his hips, and she wrapped her legs around him as their lips met in a lusty tangle, swimming with each other's tongues in tow. She grinded her hips and felt the lump under his shorts that his growing erection was making. He groaned, he ran his hand up her bare stomach and torso and began groping her breasts, feeling her nipples alert already, whether from the cold water or his kissing skills, he was enjoying it.

She moaned when he pulled the top of her suit down, exposing her bare breasts he tilted her back, cradling her in one arm and took her breast into his mouth. She tightened her fingers into his hair and moaned out his name over and over again as she ground her hips harder against his in the water. She slid her legs down and put her feet on the ground, he looked at her incredulously for a moment until she tugged his swim shorts down and wiggled one leg out of her bottoms. He took her back in his arms urgently and lifted her up again, this time bringing her down hard as he slid inside of her. He could never imagine it feeling as good as it actually was, they both groaned and gasped at the intensity of the sensation.

He raised her on his hips again and brought her back down, she cried out his name each time as he repeated the movement over and over, bringing them both closer to a floating climax. Somehow in the motions they slipped and fell against the sand, their naked waists still swept and hidden in the waves crashing around them. He crushed his lips against hers as he made his way back inside of her and pushed them closer and closer with each thrust of his hips until finally, she exploded around him and trembled under his hard body, screaming his name as she dug her fingertips into his back. He could hold off no longer and ruptured in an explosion of pleasure inside of her, groaned and moaning her name, never having felt pleasure at that height before and knew that after that moment he never would again with another…

They stood up to catch their breaths, panting in amazement at each other and not wanting to move but the fact that they were on a public beach was a motivation to. The stood up and slipped back into the water to pull his trunks up and looked up to see that she'd already gotten her bottoms on and was looking for her top. They heard a loud shrieking whistle and looked up the beach to see a French police officer walking across the sand towards them. They panicked and Meredith stood up, still topless.

"Shit." Derek hissed. "Where's your top."

"I don't know, I'll handle this though."

"But you don't speak French."

"No." she said "But I speak man."

Derek frowned and watched as she turned around to face the officer and placed her hands on her hips and smiled at him, boasting out her naked breasts towards him. He almost tripped as he stared at her half naked body standing there flaunted in front of him.

"Bon jour!" she said, the only French word she really knew, she gestured to her bare tits and then to the water "I lost my top!"

The police man just nodded, his eyes still on Meredith's breasts.

"Find my top Derek." she mumbled through her smile "He's looking for it!"

The man nodded again, glancing at Derek who was looking for her top, he found it floating in the water a few feet down from where they were. He walked quickly out of the water and handed it to her, she gasped dramatically and smiled.

"Thank you!" she smiled, then turned to the officer as she slipped it on and shrugged "Oops!"

"Essayez de ne pas le perdre de nouveau, le séjour décent ou vous serez arrêtés." (Try to keep it on, stay indecent and you could be arrested.) He said.

"Oui, bien sûr. Elle sera plus prudent." (Yes, of course. She will be more careful.) Derek nodded. He turned and walked off the beach, Meredith giggled with accomplishment, however Derek didn't look so amused "We should have been more careful."

"That was fabulous actually." her eyes twinkled "And look we didn't get caught, innocent until proven guilty."

"That's only in America." he muttered "Our justice system doesn't follow it into other countries."

"Well regardless, show a guy your tits and he usually forgets what he is or was going to do."

Derek just shook his head and sighed, he turned and walked back to the blanket with a scowl on his face, she felt a hitch in her chest, a feeling of worry that he was upset with her. She followed him back to the blanket and stood over him as he sat down.

"What's wrong Derek?" she asked.

"Nothing." he muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"For someone who just engaged in sex on the beach with me you look pretty pissed off." Meredith frowned "I'm not one to need reassurance, but you're doing a number to my ego here."

"It's not that," he shook his head "trust me that was…amazing isn't a good enough word. Mind blowing even!"

"Then what is it?" she asked. He looked up at her sheepishly.

"When I saw that guy looking at you, well… I seriously wanted to kill him, or gouge his eyes out with my bare fingers."

"You were jealous." she giggled.

"Yes."

"Don't be jealous Derek," she smirked "I only showed him my girls so we wouldn't be arrested…besides, that's something that a boyfriend would do."

"I only get you for one more day after this." he sighed, then grabbed her legs and pulled her on top of him, she squealed and giggled a little as she settled on top of his chest, he reached up and brushed the wet strands of hair out of her face "Let me be your boyfriend for that day."

"Derek." she gulped, but smiled softly at the thought "My train leaves tomorrow at noon." his eyes saddened at the thought "But you can be my boyfriend until then."

"Thank you." he mumbled.

"Boyfriend?" she asked "Will you take me to the train station tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He smiled and then pulled her lips into his, trying to make the most of what little amount of time had left.


	9. Goodbye Paris

_Chapter 9: Goodbye Paris_

If there was a way to slow time down, they would have, or even to stop it and just stay where they were forever. But time waits for no man, and there never is enough of it, especially when you want all of it. Derek didn't want to open his eyes the next morning. They spent most of the day on the beach, then grabbed dinner on a beach front place before heading back to Paris. For the rest of the evening they spent by getting their own hotel room where they wouldn't be interrupted and were up almost all night making love to each other, and pleasing each other in ways that would be impossible to beat.

The sun started to shine through the draperies if the hotel room and he peeled his eyes open, he saw a blonde head of hair laying across his chest, his arm strewn around her slender naked form, she still slept soundly. This was definitely one of those moments that he wished that he had the ability to stop time. Just one more day could make the world of difference, just twenty-four more hours with her was all he could ask for. But then when the twenty fourth was up he would only be asking for more. A girl that he'd only just met three days before, and already he could see himself spending every day for the rest of his life with her. Was that too crazy to tell her? Yes, it probably was.

As if he'd said it out loud, she suddenly stirred awake and picked her head up and looked at him. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, she stared blankly into his eyes with a mixture of emotions on her face. Her lips spread into the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, the kind that he wanted to see every morning. Was it really that crazy to tell her? She didn't let him speak, instead pressed her lips against his for a sweet, deep, good morning kind of kiss.

"Hi." he said after her lips had left his.

"Hello." she giggled.

"Do you have anything in mind for the next few hours we have together?" he asked.

"As much as I'd like more of what we had last night." she sighed "I could use some breakfast."

"Breakfast." he mumbled just as his stomach growled "Breakfast sounds great!"

They got up and got dressed, then left the hotel. Walking side by side with hands clasped intimately together they looked for a place to eat and found a sidewalk café that had some breakfast foods too. They got a table on the sidewalk patio and Derek ordered crepes and Meredith ordered a bagel with an assortment of cheeses. They ate in silence for a few moments, both trying to be optimistic about the little time they had together.

"So, what are you going to do when you get back home…" Derek asked "Wherever that is."

"I'm going to probably sleep for about a week." she giggled "And then spend time with my Aunt before I go to work at my internship."

"Will your internship be far from where your home is?"

"Actually no, I was lucky to get a good internship fairly close to home."

"Must be nice." Derek sighed "What kind of hospital is it?"

"What kind of hospital is it?" she giggled "What kind of question is that, most hospitals are all the kind that help people."

"I'm sorry." he muttered and stabbed his fork into a crepe "I'm just making conversation."

Her amusement faded when she saw the disgruntled look on his face, and the pain in his eyes though he stared aimlessly at his plate. She felt a knot in her stomach, knowing that she was the one causing that, but she didn't have a choice.

"Derek." she mumbled and reached across the table "It's better this way."

"Better for who!" he muttered, his eyes angry now, snapped up to hers "I'm trying to wrap my mind around this and I just don't see who this is better for! We both want to be together but because it MIGHT not work out you seem to think that it's BETTER that we not even try at all!"

She felt tears well in her eyes at his sudden outburst, and embarrassment well up in her. She gulped at the tightness in her throat and suddenly got up from the table, grabbed her purse and rushed off. He felt panic wrestle in his gut as he watched her flee and ashamed at the jackass behavior he'd just displayed.

"Meredith!" he called out and stood up, throwing money on the table "Shit!"

He hopped over the short iron rail fence that enclosed the patio and jogged down the street after her, calling out her name. He saw her slip into a little consignment shop and went in after her, he walked around looking but didn't find her, however he heard someone crying softly in the back where the dressing rooms were. He felt a heavy weight settle on his shoulders knowing that he was the one that caused those tears. He slipped inside the dressing room and she stood in there hunched over, letting her hair fall into a curtain between her face full of hurt and the rest of the world. He reached for her and started to wrap his arms around her.

"Don't touch me!" she gasped.

"Meredith I'm sorry."

"You're also an asshole!" she muttered.

"Yes." he agreed "But I'm also very sorry, that was wrong. It's just, this is very hard for me."

"It's hard for me too Derek." she muttered "It's god damned heart breaking! But I can't do this without knowing for certain that this is what fate really wants."

"But I already know that Meredith, how can you not see that too?"

"If it were so solid and clear, then why didn't we meet in the states Derek? I have to have that too."

"Meredith I don't care if you lived in Puerto Rico, I would do anything to be with you." he gulped, her eyes sealed onto his as they softened, "Meredith I l-"

"Don't." she whispered as she placed her fingers over his mouth to silence him. "It'll just hurt that much more."

"It doesn't have to hurt at all."

"Tell me when you see me again." she said "Tell me then."

"What if I don't see you again."

"Then it's not fate's choice." she said "And it's not really meant to be anyway."

He just looked at her, longing for anything to keep this going. But she was right, if this was meant to be then they would meet again. And if there was a father of fate, he would make it soon. He took her chin in his hand and rubbed it softly with his thumb as he tilted it upward and whispered.

"Sort ou pas un sort, vous êtes l'amour de ma vie." (fate or no fate, you are the love of my life.)


	10. Fate

_Chapter 10: Fate_

It had been three weeks since she returned home from Europe, and she couldn't get Derek out of her head. The picture of the heartbroken look on his face at the train station as she left for Rome haunted her every day since she left him. It was downright making her mental, she was on the verge of seeking psychiatric help or hiring a private detective to hunt him down, hopefully they would be able to go off of only his first name. She had a month and a half until her internship started and she was trying to spend time with her Aunt Susan. Aunt Susan was a work-a-holic, she had never been married, she'd never had any children other than Meredith, and she loved the coffee house that she built from the ground up. She'd put her heart and soul into the place, and it showed.

There was a Starbucks down the corner that had the cliché feel, and popularity but Susan's Coffee House had personality, and thanks to Meredith's suggestions a little bit of sass. Most people who came through the door were regular customers who wanted the 'I know you better than I know my own family' kind of feel. But others were just passing by for a quick cup of coffee and didn't feel like standing in Starbuck's lines. Like the guy who'd come in just minutes ago and ordered a tall breve latte with extra foam and five shots of espresso. Susan put the new kid on the coffee bar, and he'd made the mistake of getting it backwards.

"Is there a problem?" Meredith stepped up and asked.

"Yeah I'd say there's a problem!" he yelled "If this is the way you people don't know your asshole from your esophagus much less how to make coffee."

"Brendan is new, I'm sure it was an honest mistake."

"Well honest mistake or not it should never have been made!" he muttered "If he can't make coffee he shouldn't be here."

"Everyone needs to start somewhere sir, can I make you another?"

"I don't have the damn time, I'll be contacting the better business bureau about this."

"Alright," Meredith nodded "tell Heather that we said hello."

He narrowed his eyes and turned about five shades of red before storming out and taking along his 'crappy' cup of coffee with him, taking a large gulp of it before he even hit the door. Something dropped on his way out and the next customer picked it up, he held it up, a twenty-dollar bill and stuffed it in their tip jar.

"Karma." he smiled.

"Hey, thanks!" Brendan smiled.

Meredith however stood there in a dazed shock at the eerily familiarity of the man's voice, not just that but his body shape, one that she knew every contour of. The bone structure of his face, the color of his raven locks of hair. He caught her staring at him and smiled softly at her as he removed his dark sunglasses, suddenly blue clashed with green and she felt the room spinning.

"So much for opposite sides of the country." he said.

"Oh my god." she gasped to herself, then shook her head, this couldn't be happening it was too good to be true "You're stalking me."

"No," he chuckled "I absolutely am not, I walked in here to get a cup of coffee, I'm just as shocked as you are."

"You two know each other?" the boy asked

"Brendan, go make coffee, and try not to screw it up." Meredith hissed as she stepped up to the counter "What, so you expect me to believe that you live here or something?"

"Have all my life." he said "Well once we settled anyway."

"How did we not meet until.."

"Fate can be cruel."

"Fate." she mumbled to herself.

"Meredith!" she heard called over her shoulder and looked to see her Aunt Susan coming out of the office "I just…" she stopped when she saw that she was talking to someone, a very handsome someone, she blushed a little "Oh, hello."

"Hi." Derek smiled at the woman who had a striking resemblance to Meredith, she was tiny like her, and had blonde hair, only a lighter shade and curly, cut short. Her eyes were bluer, and her nose pointed but had to have been family.

"I'm Susan Grey." She introduced herself and stuck her hand out. "Or Suze as everyone knows me."

"Derek." he smiled "Dr. Derek Shepherd as I'm known formally."

"Doctor?" she raised her brown and threw Meredith a sideways glance. "You and Meredith have something in common."

"I was just discussing that with her, and wanting to a little more actually."

"Oh, I'm not off until-" Meredith started to explain.

"Now!" Susan almost squealed.

"What?" Meredith frowned "But the schedule says."

"Two o'clock." Susan said as she started to untie Meredith's apron "Which was two minutes ago, so get on out of here."

Meredith blinked a few times, she'd never seen Susan like this with her. But she nodded and turned to see a pleased look on Derek's face as she walked around the counter. His smile brightened so much it could have lit a dark room, she couldn't help but smile back as they walked out of the coffee shop, Susan most likely watching them. As soon as they walked out on the sidewalk, their hands, like magnets connected. The old couple who'd been together for centuries that lay inside of them came out, they smiled at each other, as if saying something without having to speak any words.

"So you really live here in Boston?" Meredith finally asked. "Where at?"

"Glenwood Estates," he smiled "Sapphire lane." Her expression melted and she stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Derek," she stuttered "I grew up on Juniper Avenue."

"You're kidding me." he chuckled, then saw that she wasn't "You're not kidding."

"How the hell did this happen!" she gasped "We grew up two blocks from each other, we've lived in the same town, how did we not meet until we were in Paris?"

"Maybe that's what fate wanted." he said.

"I can't believe this." she shook her head "It's been driving me crazy! I've been terrified that I'll be, so mind boggled over everything that I'll be in no mindset to start my internship at…"

"Boston General." Derek said as if finishing her sentence, she blinked at him.

"Yeah," she said "how did you know?"

"Just a guess." he said "by the way, it's where I work."

"Derek." she mumbled.

He stopped them on the sidewalk and took both of her hands in his, facing her to him and smiled at her.

"Do you believe now?" he asked.

"Yes." she whispered, being captivated with his eyes.

"Can I tell you then?" he asked. She gulped.

"Derek something happened in Paris." she said "A magical, beautiful thing…. Thing is, I wasn't looking for anything, not even company from anyone. Then you took me by surprise, you knocked me off balance…I slipped and fell in love with you."

He smiled, startled by her confession, especially after she was so adamant about them having anything outside of Paris. But understandably so, and now she had no reason to hold back, there it was, her feelings for him out in the open and raw.

"I love you too Meredith." he said "I love you so much."

She threw her arms around his neck as their lips connected in a deep, passionate kiss. A kiss that neither of them ever wanted to end, nor would they if they had a choice. They didn't know exactly where it would go from there, but they knew that they wanted it all, every day, with each other. Meredith heard a ring in her pocket and cursed as she reluctantly pulled herself away from Derek.

"Damn it." she hissed as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, Derek didn't look upset, he was just exhilarated to have her back in his grasp, she looked at her phone and sighed. "It's aunt Suze."

"What does she want?" he asked, his fingertips tracing circles on her back.

"She's too damn excited for her own good."

"Excited about what?"

"Well, before you I never really dated anyone." she shrugged "I never did for more than a month at the most. I guess if I didn't see it going anywhere or felt the thing I would let them go, not waste my time."

"What thing?" he asked.

"You know, the thing." she said, he shook his head looking lost "That thing you feel, when you meet the person you're supposed to be with forever, where your head goes all fuzzy and you can't get them off your mind. You look into their eyes and you can almost see their soul. That thing." she gulped "The thing I feel when I see you."

Derek smiled delighted and kissed her softly "I feel it too." she smiled and then heard her phone go off again and smiled "So she's excited to see you dating?"

"Yeah," Meredith said "and well.. She wants me to ask you to come over for dinner tonight, but you can say no."

"But I don't want to say no." he frowned.

"Say no Derek." she said in a warning tone.

"Why?"

"For starters, I haven't seen you in weeks and have been thinking about you every second since, I want to spend time alone with you." she said "Aunt Suze is well.. A little off the deep end, crazy."

"If she's anything like you I'm sure I'll love her." he said, she smiled and then giggled.

"You asked for it."

* * *

**Well, how are you guys feeling now?**


	11. Dinner with Aunt Suze

_Chapter 11: Dinner with Aunt Suze_

"So, what time is dinner?" he asked.

"Um an hour and a half." she said

"Good, we have time to make a stop."

"My apartment."

"They have apartments in Glenwood Estates?" she frowned.

"No," he said "Actually it's my parents who live in Glenwood, the house that I mostly grew up in once my dad stopped moving around with the Army."

"Oh ok." she said "So why are we going to your apartment?"

"Why not?" he smirked. She blushed a little, "Shall we?"

She nodded, and he led her down the street, finally stopping in front of a little black luxury car. She wasn't familiar with cars, but it looked like some kind of Audi. She frowned a little as he unlocked the door and opened it for her.

"No Vespa?" she asked.

"No Vespa." he chuckled. She got in and watched as he walked around the car and got in the driver's side.

"I miss the Vespa." she giggled.

He just chuckled and drove away from the curb. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few long moments as he drove through the streets of downtown Boston. Their hands found each other again and intertwined, resting on the center console.

"So, this is a nice car," she finally said "a lot nicer of a car than I thought a second year resident would drive."

"I'm actually about to be a third year." he said "And I manage my money well, that and my parents are pretty loaded and gave me a lot."

"Spoiled brat." she said in a teasing tone, he chuckled and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing it softly "So you're a third year then… you would have a set of interns?"

"Correct." he smiled.

"What are the chances of you being my resident?" she asked.

"That depends." he said

"Depends on what?" she asked "On if we date?"

"Well more than that actually." he said almost hesitantly but decided to anyway "On what your last name is by the time you enter into the internship."

"Why would it not be Grey?" she asked. He glanced over at her, a hidden smirked in his eyes. She flushed and turned back to look out the windshield.

"We're here." he said pulling into the parking lot, thankful for a diversion to the conversation that she probably wasn't ready for.

Meredith looked out the window to see a set of luxury condo's in place of what he called an apartment. She gulped, he wasn't kidding about the money thing, they had to be at least half a million-dollar condo's. He got out of the car and walked around the other side to open her door for her. She took his hand that he offered and stepped out of the car.

"Wow." she mumbled "If this is your version of an apartment I'd hate to wonder what you think is a house."

"Modesty." he chuckled "I guess it's a strong suit of mine. I like having nice things, but I don't flaunt them."

She smiled, thinking she felt the same way though she hadn't ever really put much thought into getting much yet, she just wanted to start school and do one thing at a time. He took her hand and led her down a path and to a front door, he pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. She stepped in and tried not to gasp at the place that looked like a model home, perfectly decorated as if by a professional and not looking anything like a bachelor pad.

"My mom is a decorator." he said as if reading her mind "Some of it is me, but only because she knows me so well. I never would have had the time to do it myself."

"It's beautiful." she whispered. He wrapped his arms around her waist and stared into her eyes as he smiled down at her.

"It is now." he mumbled. She smiled graciously up at him "Meredith I know we technically just met, but holding back what I feel for you killed me in Paris, and I don't want to do it anymore."

"Then don't." she whispered.

"I want you to feel at home here." he said.

She smiled, then reached up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. His wrapped around hers, deepening and intensifying the kiss, tangling their lips together and mingling their tongues. He groaned, feeling his body wanting her so much more than he already had.

"Do we have time?" he whispered against her lips, she moaned at the thought of it and then another ding in her pocket made her groan.

"I'm going to throw this out the window." she sighed.

"It's ok." he chuckled "We'll have plenty of time now."

Meredith looked at her text, as she suspected from her Aunt Susan.

"What does it say?"

"It says she's home now, we can show up any time now." Meredith sighed "Which means, come over now or I'll text you every five minutes until you do show up."

"We better go then." Derek chuckled "You know your aunt is pretty phone savvy, my parents don't even have cell phones."

"Yeah, she says that I keep her young." Meredith giggled "I think it's just an excuse to not act her age."

* * *

Meredith's didn't know what had gotten into her aunt Susan, but she knew that whatever it was, was making her happy. When they walked into the house, she could smell a full course meal seeping throughout the whole house. The more curious thing was how it got there; aunt Susan couldn't cook a cup of noodles if she wanted to. Meredith usually put her half assed cooking skills to use for the two of them to prevent excessive amounts of take out or burnt meals.

They had a delightful conversation over dinner, a meal that most likely was pre-cooked by the local supermarket but good, nonetheless. She seemed to be gushing over Derek, as if she were just as in love with him as Meredith was. The two were laughing and chatting over a glass of wine, Meredith got up and took the plates into the kitchen. A bubble of something she wasn't quite sure of burst inside of her and she felt as if she'd just stepped into an entirely different world, one where fairytales and magic existed, a world that now seemed to revolve around Derek. She wondered if she'd ever go back to the old one, she knew she never wanted to.

She rinsed the plates and put them in the dishwasher, then dried her hands off and walked back into the living room where they were now sitting. She saw Maggie turn around with an expression on her face that perplexed Meredith even further and then she burst into tears and stood up and rushed to the stairs.

"Suze!" Meredith gasped with concern "Aunt Suze what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!" she cried "I'm just.. I'm happy. I have to go."

She rushed up the stairs sobbing, holding her hand over her face and Meredith walked into the living room where Derek looked at her sheepishly, with a grin on his face. She felt almost angry, wondering what Derek had done or said to her to make her cry like that.

"What the hell did you do to her!" she demanded.

"Nothing." he shrugged "I think she's just really happy for you, for us."

"Good lord she's really fallen off her rocker." Meredith mumbled, he stood up and took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Just let her be happy." Derek said.

"I'm happy she's happy." Meredith said "And I'm happy that we're happy….I really missed you Derek."

"I missed you too." he said.

"So what do you want to do now?" she asked "She'll probably be locked in her bedroom for hours."

"There are a hundred things I'd love to do with you now." he smiled "But I just got a page from the hospital."

"Oh." she mumbled in a voice of disappointment "You have to go."

"Unfortunately." he said "But I'll see you soon."

"How soon?" she asked.

"Tomorrow," he said "I'd like you to meet my parents."

"Oh." she gulped.

"Do you not want to?" he frowned.

"No." she said, shaking her instinctive anxiety "I do.. I've just never met parent's before."

"Well don't worry." he smiled "They'll love you."

"I hope so." she mumbled.

He leaned in and softly kissed her but with passion, urgency and desire. If it weren't for the fact that they were in her aunt's living room and he had an emergency to get to he would have taken her right, then and there. He reluctantly released her, and they said goodnight. After Derek left she walked up the stairs and knocked on Susan's door, then walked in to see her sitting on the bed dabbing at her tears with a tissue.

"Suze" she mumbled as she sat down next to her "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." she sniffled "I'm just.. I'm so happy to finally see you happy. To see you with someone."

"Were you really worried?"

"Well, I know you've been focused on school dear. But I was just worried that you'd be too much like….me."

"There's nothing wrong with being like you, you're amazing."

"Take it from an old hag Meredith," she giggled "being alone gets pretty lonely."

"Do you think we're going too fast?" she asked "I just…he's amazing and I love him but sometimes I wonder if I should put the brakes on…that maybe we're rushing things."

"There's nothing wrong with rushing when it's the right thing to do." Susan said "When you feel that it's right, just go with it. Waiting is overrated anyway."

Meredith giggled and Maggie followed suit.

"I better get some sleep, thank you for being nice to him."

"He'll be part of the family soon enough." she smiled.

"You think so?" Meredith asked… Susan smiled with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Darling, I know so."


	12. Meeting Derek's Parent and Surprises

_Chapter 12: Meeting Derek's Parents and Surprises_

Meredith spent all day long fighting herself over what to wear to meet Derek's parents. She went over everything in her very large closet. She started to pick out a pair of slacks and sweater, the preppy look but thought it made it look too much like she was going boating. Then thought a long evening dress might do, but they were just eating at their house not the white house. She thought maybe a pair of jeans and a button up shirt would be nice but then she didn't want to look too casual. By the time that Derek rang the doorbell she was simply out of options and had to go answer the door.

She opened the door and he smiled, scanning her appearance. She was wearing a boat neck black dress that stopped at her knees, black heels and half her hair was in a mild beehive type do while the rest of it was in a long curl down her neck, he was suddenly reminded of Audrey Hepburn, but she was beautiful. Her smile fell a little to see him wearing jeans and a sweater.

"Wow." he said.

"I'm going to go change." she mumbled nervously.

"Why?" he asked, grabbing her arm before she could retreat "You look beautiful."

"I'm overdressed." she argued "I need to go change."

"I think you look great, and not overdressed. My parents will be very impressed."

"You don't think I look stupid?"

"Not at all." he chuckled. "And what happened to that girl I met that didn't give a rat's ass what people thought of how she was dressed?"

"I'm being silly aren't I?" she asked, he grinned and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Where's Susan?"

"She had to go to work, apparently the place would fall down if she left it for too long." Meredith rolled her eyes "But she told me to have fun, and to tell you good luck…. Whatever that means?"

"Huh." he frowned, feigning a look of confusion. "Well are you ready to go?"

"Yes." she said.

She then grabbed her coat, he offered her his arm and she took it as they walked to the car. He opened the door for her before walking around and getting in himself. They drove the rest of the way in silence, it wasn't a long drive. They pulled into the driveway of the large home that resembled a little to Susan's house. It had more of a landscape than her house did, but no one was home enough to garden. Derek opened the door for her again and took her hand as they walked to the house. He opened the door and they were waiting for them in the entry way, standing next to the staircase.

They were a warm looking couple, Derek's father looked almost exactly like him. He was almost as tall as Derek, and the same masculine build. Derek had his mother's eyes though, and she was a beautiful, petite woman with soft auburn curls that fell at her shoulders. She had a look of excitement in her smile as they walked in. Derek placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back as he led her over to them.

"Meredith, these are my parents," Derek smiled "Michael, "Mike" and Carolyn."

"Hello." Meredith smile and she shook their hands "It's so nice to meet you."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too." Carolyn exuberated, she looked as if she were about to jump out of her skin with excitement.

"Mom." Derek mumbled.

"Carolyn." Mike chuckled "Give the girl a little breathing room."

"I'm sorry." she mumbled "I'm just so happy to have a girl here, I've been swimming in testosterone for so long."

"It's ok." Meredith giggled "I'm happy to be here."

"Dinner is ready if you two want to come in and sit." She gestured warmly.

"It smells delicious." Derek smiled, he took Meredith's hand and led her into the dining room.

The table was set delicately with a full course meal of prime rib, potatoes, asparagus, rolls and gravy. It looked like it was home cooked too, something Meredith hadn't had in a long time. The all sat down at the table together and made their plates before they settled into a calm conversation.

"So Meredith," Mike said "Tell us about yourself."

"Um," she mumbled "well I just graduated medical school, and I'm going into the surgical program in July at Boston General."

"That must have been hard." Carolyn commented "I can't imagine how difficult medical school can be at times, I don't know how Derek did it."

"It's hard." she shrugged "But for a good reason…I wouldn't want someone who didn't know what they were really doing cutting into me. I might wake up with a foot in my stomach or something."

They all chuckled and giggled, Derek squeezed her thigh under the table and flashed a tender smile at her.

"So Derek told you that he grew up an army brat?" he asked.

"Yes," she smiled "he did."

"What do you think about that Meredith, do you have anything against the army?"

"Dad." Derek said through his teeth.

"No," she shook her head "I think it's very commendable."

"Really?" he frowned, looking almost surprised. "Most people don't have many nice things to say about it."

"I think that the men and women who serve this country are very underappreciated, and deserve a lot more respect than they've been given." she said "It's not their fault they're doing their job."

"Well then," Mike smiled "welcome to the family."

She just looked at him and giggled, Derek tensed up at her side and Carolyn smiled but seemed to give her husband a look. They finished their dinner and Carolyn got up to take the dishes to the kitchen.

"Oh, let me help you." Meredith said, standing up.

"Nonsense dear," she smiled "you're a guest tonight, just enjoy yourself."

"Why don't we go take a walk outside." Derek suggested.

"Um, ok." she said.

She took his hand and they walked out back, she was surprised at the beautifully landscape of the backyard. Almost giving off a veranda feel but she knew that it couldn't have been any bigger than her own backyard that was never touched. He led her across the brick patio, around the pool and took her in his arms under the arbor that had a vine of wisteria growing over it. He pulled something out of his pocket and pressed a button, music filled the air…it was Billie Holiday. She smiled at him as he took one of her hands in his and held it against his chest, he wrapped the other hand around her waist as she rested her free hand on his shoulder. They began to softly dance around the patio to the music, under the moonlit sky.

"Your parents are wonderful." she said softly.

"They love you, you know."

"So it seems." she giggles "Your dad welcomed me to the family, as if he knows things I don't."

"Yeah." Derek chuckled "He probably does."

"Derek?" she asked after a comfortable moment of silence.

"Yes?"

"This might be weird of me to ask but…" she chewed on her lip and sighed "Do you want kids?"

"That's not weird of you to ask." he chuckled "And yes, my only condition would be that we have more than one."

"We?" she raised her brow "And why more than one?"

"I'm an only child." he said "And I always wanted a sibling to play with, to relate to."

"Why are you an only child?" she asked.

"Six months after I was born my mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer." he said "Medicine back then wasn't as advanced, and they almost lost her. But the only way that they saved her was to do a full hysterectomy."

"How terrible." she whispered "And I agree with you, I wished that I always had at least one sibling. I hope our kids do."

He smiled at the word 'our' in her sentence, whether it was a slip of the tongue or her heart speaking. He dipped her down and kissed her softly before bringing her back up, she blushed and smiled at him, letting out a sigh of satisfaction.

"I could get used to this you know." she smiled.

"Oh?" he grinned "For how long exactly?"

"I don't know." she giggled "As long as possible."

"How about for the rest of your life?" he asked, she giggled but then her expression went blank and shocked as he looked at her deeply, seriously and stepped back and knelt down onto one knee "Meredith Elèna Grey, I know we haven't known each other long but it's long enough for me to know that you are the love of my life and that'll never change. Meeting you changed my world, and a life without you would be no life at all. Will you do the honor of becoming my wife?"

Her eyes filled with tears and her lips trembled as her chest bubbled with happiness.

"Yes." she squeaked out.

He got up to his feet as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and they kissed passionately for a few long minutes, he pulled away smiling, he reached into his pocket and slipped something onto her finger. She gasped at the large cluster of diamonds now fixated on her left hand.

"Derek!" she gasped "Oh my god! It's beautiful!"

"I hoped you would like it."

"I love it!" she exclaimed "But how did you get it on such short notice?"

"Actually I got it in Paris." he mumbled sheepishly.

"What?" she stuttered.

"When I saw you get on that train, and ride away. I felt like my heart was leaving with you." he sighed "I knew that if I was ever given a second chance, that I would never make fate give us a third. I knew then that you are the love of my life. I knew that at the earliest opportunity I would make you mine. It didn't take long to get it sized and engraved either."

"Engraved?" she asked, she slipped the ring off to look and see something written inside, Tu es ma vie maintenant "What does it mean?"

He placed his hand against her cheek and caressed his fingers against her soft skin, looking at her with all the love in the world he whispered…

"You are my life now."

"Oh Derek." she whispered, slipped the ring back on her finger and throwing her arms around his neck again "I love you so much!"

He grinned into her kiss, they noticed the curtains at the back window move and both chuckled and giggled a little as they looked back into each other's eyes.

"I think we're being spied on." Meredith giggled

"I think so too." he grinned "We should go tell them."

She nodded and took his hand, feeling his ring on her finger she felt like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. They walked back inside to see his parents standing in the family room trying to look nonchalant as they walked in, they looked up at them with blank stares but anxious eyes.

"She said yes." Derek grinned.

Meredith heard his mother squeal with excitement as they both rushed towards them and wrapped them in hugs and kisses and congratulations.

"But you guys already knew, right?" Derek asked, "You were watching, weren't you?"

"Your mother videotaped the whole thing." Mike said,

"Mom!" Derek gasped.

"Oh stop!" she giggled "Let me be a mom for little bit, my only son just got engaged I wanted to capture it."

"Meredith?" she heard from the door way and gasped.

"Suze!" she said. Susan rushed across the room and wrapped her arms around her, "Did you know too?"

"Of course I did!" she giggled "He asked my permission."

"How cliché" she giggled and looked over to Derek and smiled.

"Let me see the ring." she asked and grabbed Meredith's hand before she could offer it, her and Carolyn bother gasped and gushed over it "Beautiful!"

"When is the big day?"

"Oh," Meredith stuttered "We haven't really talked about that yet."

"Well when would you like to, short engagement or long one?" Mike asked.

"Short." Meredith and Derek both said simultaneously, they all laughed.

"Preferably before I start the program." Meredith said, "But crap that's in seven weeks!"

"Then we better get to planning then." Susan squealed.

Meredith watched as Susan and Carolyn huddled together and started spewing off ideas, she giggled to herself and felt Derek take her hand and pull her away from the group, he smiled at her lovingly. She suddenly didn't care about a single detail of the wedding, just that at the end of the day, she would be his wife.


	13. Dress Shopping

_Chapter 13: Dress Shopping_

The wedding was two and a half weeks away, and the one thing that Meredith really needed to indulge herself in was picking out a dress. However, her style and aunt Susan's style seemed to clash. Susan wanted her in a huge princess Cinderella dress and Meredith liked simple and chic. Meredith had an appointment to finalize her dress choice that afternoon, but before that she needed to go get reinforcements. She weaved through the crowded streets of Boston as she made her way to the airport. She heard her phone go off and as she stopped at a light, she picked it up with a smile.

"Hey you." she smiled.

"Hey yourself." he grinned. "What are you up to?"

"Going to pick up my reinforcements at the airport." she said.

"Still fighting with Susan over the dress?"

"Yes." she said "Apparently she seems to think that it's not just MY decision."

"And your girlfriends will be able to help?"

"I'm hoping that with a little more opposition, Susan might be a little more lenient."

"We'll all I want is for you to be happy."

"I am happy." she smiled "And a dress won't change that."

"I'm happy too."

"So you're taking the guys to get tux's right?" she asked.

"I am later, the appointment is at three."

"Ok." she sighed "So are you at work right now?"

"Not exactly." he said mischievously

"Where are you?"

"Look behind you." he said. She looked in her rear-view mirror to see a familiar black car with a dark haired man smiling at her, he waved his fingers over the steering wheel as she look. She bit her lip with excitement.

"There's a really hot guy back there." she giggled "It's a good thing you're not here."

"Funny." he said "The light's green, pull over after the intersection."

She giggled as she hung up her phone and drove forward, she pulled up to the curb and parked. He was at her door in less than a minute, opening it for her. She grabbed her purse and stepped out and into his arms. He kissed her tenderly and then led her back to his car, opening the door for her and then getting in himself.

"You really want to go with me?" she asked as he pulled away from the curb and headed towards the airport.

"Of course," he smiled and squeezed her jean clad thigh "I want to meet your friends, we're going to be married soon, I want to know everyone who loves you."

She smiled and they pulled into the parking garage and found a decent parking spot. They held hands as they walked into the airport and found the right terminal. It wasn't long before the plane landed, he watched as three women got excited at the site of her and heard a squeal come out of her.

"Oh my god Mer!" a tall blonde cried as she wrapped a cinch hold around her "I can't believe you're getting married! It's been so long!" she finally saw Derek standing there and blushed as she let go of Meredith "I'm guessing he's the groom? Hot!"

"Yes." Meredith giggled "Izzie this is Derek. Derek this is Izzie, we went to college together."

"Nice to meet you." he smiled and shook her hand.

"And this is Christina." Meredith said, gesturing to a petite Asian woman "I grew up with her, and she works with Izzie in Seattle."

"I'm guessing you're a doctor then?" he said, she nodded as he shook her hand.

"And a damn good one too." she said.

"This is the lovely Sadie." Meredith smiled as she gestured to a girl that could pass as another relative "my British roommate in college and travel buddy in France."

"Ah, so you're the one who let her wear those ridiculous wigs." Derek smiled as he shook her hand.

"Let her?" Sadie laughed "I encouraged her!"

"Sadie is going to be a mortician." Meredith said.

"Interesting." Derek raised his brow.

"Yeah," Sadie said, "You dig around inside someone to try to save them, I dig around inside them to see what you did wrong."

"Sadie." Meredith hissed under her breath.

"It's ok Mer." Derek smiled "It's nice to know where our leftovers go."

Christina and Izzie giggled, Sadie glared a little but smirked.

"I like him." she said, "So what are we doing first?"

"Dresses." Meredith smiled "You three need dresses and you need to not agree with Aunt Susan, she's getting ridiculous over mine."

"Not a problem for me." Sadie said.

"Or me." Christina agreed, they all three looked at Izzie.

"What?" she said, "Why do you all look at me?"

"Because you're the queen of fantasy land." Christina mumbled.

"Iz, I love you. But I'm not a Barbie and I don't want a Barbie wedding."

"Ok, ok!" she said "I can disagree."

"Even if you don't want to?" Meredith asked, Izzie gulped.

"Yeah, I'll make sure your dress is as boring and lifeless as you are."

"Aw, thanks Iz!" she giggled.

* * *

After getting to the bridal shop, Meredith kissed Derek and sent him on his way to get his guy friends and some tux's. Meredith was feeling a little overwhelmed, she'd only been engaged for a week and already she was ready for the wedding day to be over. She walked into the bridal salon with her friends in tow. Izzie swooned over almost every dress on the way in. Susan and Carolyn were already waiting in the back, seated on a set of chairs, a couch set in the middle of them.

"Oh Meredith!" she smiled "You're here!"

"As promised."

"So is everyone else." she smiled as she hugged the girls one by one.

"Izzie, Christina, Sadie, this is Derek's mother Carolyn." Meredith said after hugging her too.

"Hi." they all sad and sat down.

"There's already dresses in there for you to try on dear, room three." Suze smiled.

"What about dresses I want to pick out?"

"Well you might like the ones we did." Suze smiled "Just try them on, if you want something different then we'll go from there."

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked back to the fitting room. She took the first one off the rack and took it out of the hanger and bag, she then tried to swim her way through the million and a half yards of satin and finally got herself into it and managed to zip up the back. She walked back out to the viewing room and heard gasps as she stepped up onto the pedestal. She looked over to see Susan's eyes light up, Izzie's were too but she tried to keep a straight face, Sadie and Christina looked like they were trying not to laugh.

"No." Meredith said.

"But it's beautiful!" Maggie grinned.

Meredith looked at herself in the mirror and saw the poufy overly stuffed dress, it had a high neckline, boat neck as she remembered, elbow length sleeves and was just plain white satin. She looked at the main problem area, her chest. She wasn't a flat chested girl, but she wasn't as blessed as Izzie either. The dress practically swallowed her chest up and she didn't like the thought of that.

"I have no boobs!" Meredith whined.

"Meredith." Susan blushed "You're going to be in front of a hundred people, you don't want to be so revealing they'll be staring at your cleavage."

"But I have NO boobs." Meredith said, her phone rang and she looked at her purse sitting next to Sadie, she grabbed the ringing device and lobbed it at Meredith, she caught it and sighed "Hello?"

"Hey gorgeous." he said.

"You just left me," she smiled "Miss me already?"

"Terribly so." he said "Just wanted to see how it's going?"

"Not the best." she said "I'm arguing with Susan about whether to show boobs or not."

"Ah," Derek grinned "well I vote the easier the access I have to them at the end of the night the better."

Meredith giggled and blushed.

"Derek Shepherd!" Georgia called out "That better not have been anything inappropriate!"

"By the way your mom's here." Meredith giggled.

"I'm not on speaker phone am I?" he cringed

"No, but I couldn't keep a straight face."

"Oh." he chuckled "Well I better let you go then. And your boobs are beautiful they shouldn't be hidden."

"Thank you." she giggled. "I love you."

"I love you more."

She glowed as she hung up the phone and tossed it to Sadie. She turned back to Susan with an annoyed look.

"I'm not wearing this dress on my wedding day."

"Then go try the others."

"I want to wear one that I pick out." Meredith said "I love you, but we don't have the same style."

"If you had your choice you'd probably pick something orange or black Meredith, that's not proper wedding attire."

"Since when have you cared about me being proper?" Meredith snapped.

"I'm sorry." she gulped "I just. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a child, or a wedding so I got a little too excited and carried away."

Meredith felt a knot of guilt churn inside of her. She glanced at Carolyn who's only child was getting married as well, and Susan had given up so much of her life to take her in and raise her. She felt that she at least owed them a little bit.

"I'll make you a deal." Meredith said, "You can pick my ceremony dress… as long as it shows a little cleavage! And I'll pick out my reception dress."

"Really!" Susan gasped.

"Really." Meredith smiled.

"Oh thank you Meredith!" she said throwing her arms around her "I'll make you beautiful."

"I know."


	14. The Jitters

_Chapter 14: The Jitters_

"I can't believe you're getting married tomorrow." Mark said. They were sitting on the balcony of Derek's hotel room in the chaise lounges drinking beer, their 'bachelor' party of sorts.

"I can't believe you're keeping me from Meredith." Derek pouted.

"It's the rules man." Mark smirked "Besides after tonight you can have all the sex you can handle."

"What makes you think that I want to have sex with her." Derek frowned "I just want to see her, talk to her, spend time with her, and…" Mark raised his brow, Derek sighed "and have sex with her."

"Exactly." Mark grinned "So should I call a stripper?"

"You don't want a stripper for me, you want one for you."

"I could get one for you too." Mark grinned, Derek looked over and glared at him "Ok two for me."

"I miss Meredith." Derek pouted.

"You just saw her this morning at the rehearsal brunch." Mark frowned "Enjoy your space, soon enough she'll be everywhere all the time and you'll get sick of her."

"I'll never get sick of Meredith."

"How do you know?" Mark asked "You just met her."

"It doesn't take long to know when you've found the right one."

Mark just shook his head, they heard something almost scratching at the balcony and looked over to see a set of hands on the ledge, they both frowned and then dropped their jaws to see Meredith hop over the ledge and land on her feet inside the balcony railing.

"Hey!" she said out of breath.

"Hey," they both said looking at her incredulously.

"How the hell did you get up here?" Derek asked "It's three stories."

"I know." she smirked "I'm very limber."

His eyes darkened "I know." he said in a low voice at the base of his throat.

"Meredith what are you doing here?" Mark said, "It's guy time… bachelor party."

"Looks like you're having a pout fest to me," she glanced in the room "No strippers and sitting out here alone drinking beer, looks like you're about to kill over with excitement." She grabbed Derek's beer and took a long swig.

"Your aunt Susan is going to kill me if she finds you up here." Mark said through his teeth, looking honestly worried.

"Is that why you're keeping me prisoner up here?" Derek asked. Mark slumped down a little.

"If you're so worried about her why don't you go distract her." Meredith said.

"Or why don't you leave." Mark said.

"You know, my friend Sadie is downstairs in the lobby. She likes casual sex and is into threesomes."

"Down in the lobby you said?" Mark asked as he got up from his chair, Meredith giggled and nodded as he was leaving the room.

She looked at Derek, he smiled up at her and she smiled, sighed with relief and sat down between his legs, laying against his chest.

"Finally." she whispered "I thought I'd never get a minute alone with you."

"Me too." he mumbled, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "But after tomorrow we'll be together forever."

"Forever." she whispered with a smile "Promise?"

"I promise." he said. She snuggled into his chest and they sat there in peace for a few silent moments "Meredith?"

"Yeah babe?"

"Just out of curiosity, how did you get up here?"

"Oh, I climbed." she said.

"All three stories?" he arches his brow.

"Yeah." she laughed like it was ridiculously easy "I'm very flexible….as you know."

"Mmm." he groaned, his eyes rolling back into his head at the thought "Yes, I do know." she giggled and turned in his arms, turning to face him and kissed him slow and seductive "Question is, how soon can I refresh my memory?"

She giggled and opened her mouth to speak but they were interrupted by the sound of someone banging vigorously against Derek's hotel room door. They both looked into the room and then at each other and sighed.

"Not soon enough." she pouted as she stood up.

"Meredith!" she heard Susan yell "I know you're in there!"

"Let me guess!" she called back as she reached the door and flung it open "Mark gave me away."

"How did you know it was me?" he said looking hurt as Susan shoved him forward and into the room.

"Because," Meredith smirked "women are your weakness."

Mark scoffed and looked almost offended by the comment but then flattened his brow and shrugged before walking out to the balcony, returning to his beer. Meredith sighed and looked irritated at Susan's stare.

"Come on dear," she said "you'll have the rest of your life together. You can be apart one night."

Meredith gulped, she knew that she would spend the rest of her life and the nights in it with Derek, but she still couldn't bare the thought of leaving him now. She turned to see him leaning against the sliding door, his arms and ankles crossed, a soft smile on his face.

"I'll meet you tomorrow at the end of the alter." he said

"I'll be the one wearing white." she smiled. "I love you."

"I love you more." he grinned.

Susan then yanked her out of the room and hooked her arm tightly around Meredith's as they scuffled down the hallway to her room.

* * *

Meredith stared at the yards of white satin that was wrapped around her body almost in disbelief. A year ago, hell, six months ago she had no intention or idea of when she would be getting married. She was a carefree spirit, a medical doctor wanting to spread health all over the world, not one you would think could be tied down any time soon. But then came Paris, and with it came Derek. She got knocked on her ass and pulled up to find the man of her dreams and the love of her life. Fate smeared her mark all over the place, her and Derek were meant to be that was no question.

But yet she still stood there, looking at her reflections with wide cautious eyes. Her hair was up in soft curls all around her head. Her make-up was done perfectly, more than she usually wore but not overkill. She was dressed and ready to walk down the aisle, but she couldn't seem to move, to breathe, to anything. She felt a warm small pair of hands wrap around her shoulders and looked in the mirror to see Susan smiling at her.

"You look beautiful." she said, "Nervous but beautiful."

"Are you sure this is the right thing?" Meredith almost choked.

"Are you sure it's not?" Susan asked. Meredith stared at her incredulously and gulped "Meredith did I ever tell you about the time I fell in love?"

"You fell in love with work." Meredith frowned "That's what you always told me."

"Yes, but I fell in love with a man too." she smiled "And I thought that things moved too quickly, that marrying him when he asked me to marry him was too soon. So, I said to wait, but he couldn't. I never saw him again after that."

"Never?"

"No." she shook her head "But I never go a day without thinking about him, and wondering….what if." she let out a long winded breath and smiled at her niece "Do you want to ask yourself what if for the rest of your life Meredith?"

"No." she whispered "No, Derek is…he's the one."

"It's ok to get jitters honey," she smiled "Everyone does."

"Ok." she nodded. "I'm ready."

"You really do look beautiful."

"Thank you Suze." Meredith said with a quivering voice "You mean the world to me, and I love you and am so very grateful that you were there for me all those years."

"It was a pleasure honey."

"I just.. Part of me wishes that mom and dad were here too." Meredith sniffled.

"It's only natural." Susan smiled, then glanced her eyes around the room "And they are here, they wouldn't miss this for the world."

Meredith turned and hugged Susan tightly, sniffling into her blonde curls. Susan shed a tear herself, her little girl, or the closest thing to it was growing up and getting married. She gently pulled back and smiled.

"Now, lets get you down that aisle. You have a groom waiting for you!"


	15. Wedding and Reception

_Chapter 15: Wedding and Reception_

Derek and Meredith were having their ceremony on the seaside garden, the cliff at the edge overlooked the beautiful ocean view and beach. There was a floral arbor set up at the edge and white folding chairs lining the aisle that was sprinkled with petals. Izzie, Christina and Sadie all walked down the aisle to Canon in D played by the violinist and harpist. Then as Meredith emerged on the arm of her aunt Susan, the woman who raised her. They started playing the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

When Derek's eyes caught her, his face went into awed shock. He could only imagine how beautiful she would be but seeing her walk towards him in her white dress and veil, was nothing he could have even dreamed. Susan handed her off to Derek and kissed him on the cheek, then her. He smiled at her, dazzled, and they walked to the end of the aisle where the officiate was. As he talked about what love and marriage meant, they could only stare into each other's eyes and get lost inside each other's soul.

They were coherent enough to know what they needed to do and when. They held hands and exchanged vows, then rings. They listened and spoke, but never took their eyes off of each other. Finally, they were told that they were now husband and wife, he took her delicate face into his hands as he smothered her lips with his. A delicious kiss but not over the top, they heard everyone clap and cheer loudly and smiles spread across their faces as they walked hand in hand back down the aisle.

"You look beautiful." he whispered as they reached the end of the aisle.

"Thank you my love." she smiled and swung into him for a kiss.

They were swept off to take pictures with the wedding party and family. It seemed like forever, but it was beautiful as the sun started to set behind the cliffs. Finally, they were done, and able to join the rest of the guests in the reception. Meredith stopped just outside the doors of the hotel, Derek turned, not wanting to let another second go with her out of his sight.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need to go change." she said.

"Change?" he frowned, "But you look wonderful!"

"I know, but I made a deal with Maggie to wear the dress she picked out for the ceremony." Meredith said "And now the deal's off!"

"You know." he smirked "That dress makes you look ravishing but I have to admit it's too frilly for you, not your style at all."

"Frilly?" she giggled and kissed him "I'll be quick."

"And I'll be waiting." he grinned.

She smiled before rushing off with Sadie. Derek looked from outside into the ballroom where the guests mingled over hors de vours and some even already out on the dance floor. It was his dream wedding, and he had his dream girl to go along with it.

"Derek?" he heard and turned his head to see a familiar face out on the lawn.

"Addison." he said stunned when he recognized the red head, she was wearing a white and yellow summer dress and her hair was cut short in an a-line at her shoulders. "You cut your hair!"

"Oh my god Derek!" she giggled as she rushed over to him and hugged him "God, it's been what…four years?"

"Med school, almost four years." he chuckled "What are you doing here?"

"My family is here, inhabiting our vacation home." she smiled, she glanced in the ballroom and then looked back at him "Nice wedding, who's is it?"

"Um." he chuckled "Mine actually."

Her mouth dropped and a look of being stung flashed through her eyes but she smiled through it.

"Congratulations!" she said "Who's the lucky lady."

Derek opened his mouth to speak but a small pair of hands covered his eyes and he smiled.

"Guess who?" he heard in a soft magical voice.

He smiled and grabbed her wrists, swinging her around him. She was in a gold satin ball gown that hugged her body a lot better than the other did, she had on red satin elbow length gloves as well, showing off the bold girl underneath, the one he fell madly in love with. He grinned and his eyes sparkled.

"There's my girl." he said with delight, her eyes glanced over to Addison but were still smiling "Addison, this is my wife Meredith." she shivered a little, hearing him introduce her as his wife for the first time "Meredith, this is an old friend of mine, Addison."

"Nice to meet you Addison." she smiled and extended her hand.

"Nice to meet you too Meredith." she smiled and shook her hand. "Congratulations." she glanced over her very bold appearance "Very beautiful dress, but not quite traditional for a wedding?"

"Meredith's never been a traditional girl." Derek chuckled.

"Well neither are you love." she giggled "After all here we are married a month after meeting."

"Very true." he chuckled, looking at her with all the love in the world.

"I hope you'll stay for the party Addison." Meredith smiled, then turned to Derek "We should get in there."

"Absolutely." Derek smiled and took her hand.

The walked inside and were announced as Mr. & Mrs. Derek Shepherd. They glided out onto the dance floor; he took her in his arms as they started to dance to Billie Holiday.

"She's more than just an old friend." Meredith said.

"What?"

"Addison, she's more than just an old friend."

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

"Because, she's got that whole jealousy and look of regret in her eyes," she said "As if you were the one she let get away."

"You don't miss a thing do you?" he sighed, she smiled "We dated for three years, all through med school. But she wasn't the one….I've got her here in my arms."

"How charming of you." she smiled as he dipped her "She's very pretty."

"You're jealous."

"Not at all." she smiled "I just think she's pretty."

"She's a little pretty." he said, then smiled "But I have a thing for blondes."

"Derek." Meredith said calmly.

"Meredith," he sighed "I seriously have no feelings towards Addison, I was being friendly. I only have eyes for you…and you are the one I love, the only one I always have and always will."

"Actually I was going to tell you that I'm not wearing any panties." she said "But you can continue with the affection talk."

Derek groaned, his eyes smoldered as he took in the new information. He was enjoying the night with his new wife, but he suddenly found himself anxious to put an end to the party. The song ended, then it was the mother/son dance, Meredith went over to visit with the guests since she had no living father to dance with her though Chris offered, she politely turned it down. As that dance ended Derek felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see the red head again.

"May I have this dance?" she asked.

"I suppose one won't hurt." he said "But I really need to go find my wife soon."

"She's entertaining the kids." she said with a smile as they started to dance "She's very cute by the way."

"She's the love of my life."

"Derek." Addison gulped "One month? You married a girl after meeting her a month ago! Are you crazy?"

"I'm crazy about her, Addison." Derek said frankly "And I know it was quick, but it was right."

"Is she pregnant?"

"Addison!" he hissed through his teeth "No she's not. People still get married out of love these days."

"We were together for three years."

"And yet I never felt for you what I felt for her in a matter if days." he muttered, her eyes looked stung and hurt again "When it's right you feel it, and I'm sorry but I never felt that way about you. You're a nice girl and a good friend. But Meredith is the love of my life, when I look at her I see the rest of my life, I see our children in her arms, I see rocking chairs….I didn't see that with you."

"I'm sorry Derek." she whispered "I just didn't want you to make a mistake."

"I don't make mistakes." he smiled.

"No, you don't." she whispered "That makes one of us."

She let go of his shoulders and smiled before turning and disappearing in the crowd. Derek immediately looked around the room for Meredith, he felt another tap on his shoulder and there she was. He smiled and took her graciously back into his arms. She softly kissed him and smirked as she stared into his pooling blue eyes.

"Ready to go?"

"Go where?" he asked.

"Are you or are you not interested in getting me naked tonight?" she asked. His eyes smoldered again, and he gulped. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards the exit.

"Lets go."


	16. Did We Make A Mistake?

_Chapter 16: Did We Make A Mistake?_

Their clothes hit the floor seconds after entering the honeymoon suite and they made love all into the night. After taking a break and sleeping into some strength Meredith woke up, she looked over at Derek laying there naked in the bed next to her. Her left hand suddenly felt heavy and she looked at the sparkling wedding set cupped tightly around her finger. It wasn't a dream, this was real, she was now Derek's wife.

She started to feel a bubble of panic…. she'd never been a wife before. She didn't know how to be a wife; she'd never been in a relationship more than a month and here she was married. She felt Derek stir and looked to see his eyes flutter open.

"Hey," he said groggily "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked peaceful."

"Of course I am." he smiled as he reached for her "I just married the most beautiful woman in the world."

She smiled simply at him, he could tell that something was wrong, the smile never reached her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." she stuttered "I'm a happy girl, I just got married and had amazing sex and nothing in the world could be wrong, it's my wedding night!"

"Meredith."

"Fuck!" she hissed under her breath, knowing he could read her like a book "What if this was a mistake Derek?"

"Mistake?" he gulped, he propped himself up on his elbow as he made sure he heard her right "It's a little late to be talking like that."

"I mean that this happened so fast. What if we just got too happy and hasty in our newlywed stage."

"We are newlyweds." Derek frowned as he held up his left hand and wiggled his ring finger.

"What if you change your mind later." she gulped "What if I'm a crappy wife and you change your mind."

"You're not going to be a crappy wife Meredith." he chuckled and reached for her.

"What if I am!" she said dissing his hand away "I mean I've never been a wife before, I've never had to take care of anyone but myself!"

"Well I've never been a husband before."

"But you had your dad as an example." she frowned "I've only had aunt Susan, and god bless her but she's never been a wife either. I don't know what a wife does, I don't know what to do I-"

"Meredith!" he gasped, she stopped talking and he grabbed her and pulled her into him, she looked up at his smiling eyes hovering over her face, he caressed her cheek lightly as he spoke softly "You just have to follow your heart, and so far our hearts have led us to each other all over the world. I'm never going to change my mind so stop worrying. I love you; I always have, and I always will. You'll be a good wife as long as you keep loving me."

"Always." she whispered, he leaned in and kissed her softly "Don't ever leave me."

"Never." he said

"What if you die first, I mean how often do couples die at the exact same time?"

"Well I hope we do, but if I did go first." he said "I'll be waiting for you….and if you go first?"

"I'll be getting the party started." she grinned, he chuckled.

"I won't make you wait too long then."

"Derek," she asked "Did you love me at first sight?"

"No." he shook his head "The pink hair threw me off."

"Oh." she giggled "When did you love me?"

"When you sang Benny and the Jets." he said "You have a horrible voice, you can't sing to save your life!"

"Jerk!" she giggled and hit him over the head with a pillow. He laughed and pulled her underneath him and smothered her lips with a kiss.

"But I love it."

She giggled as he kissed her again, this time deeply with lots of passion and lust. She moaned as she felt his penis growing hard and erect against her naked thigh. His fingers fished into her hair as he felt his body tensing up and his need to be inside of her bubbled. She spread her thighs around his hips and moaned as she rocked her hips up, spreading her wetness all over him.

He groaned, unable to resist any longer he slowly slid himself inside of her and started rocking his hips against hers. She cried out her feelings of pleasure and ran her fingertip deeply into his skin as she drugs them down his smooth back. They got closer and closer to their climax with each pump and thrust until finally spilling into a hot sea of ecstasy.

"Derek." she whispered after they'd caught their breath.

"My love?"

"We'll be together forever."

"No matter what." he kissed her shoulder "We'll be together forever."

"Even if we have to go find each other." she whispered "Together forever."

"Together forever."


	17. Meredith's First Day

_Chapter 17: Meredith's First Day_

"Meredith?" Derek said while sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a cup of coffee, he rubbed her back a little "Meredith wake up, it's your first day, you don't want to be late."

"I don't want to go." she mumbled into her pillow "It's too early."

"You wanted to be a doctor." he chuckled "Doctors get up this early, sometimes earlier."

"I should have become a cake decorator, know any bakeries around here?"

"You went through seven years of schooling and now you want to be a baker?"

"Pastry chef!" she corrected him.

"I'm calling Suze if you don't get up." he said.

"I dare you." she muttered into the pillow.

"Dialing." he said standing up and grabbing the phone off the nightstand. She gasped when she heard the beeps and jumped out of bed. He grinned at her as she glared at him. "I knew that might persuade you."

"Just because you look cute today, I won't mention what an asshole move that was." she muttered as she marched past him into the bathroom and shut the door with a slam "ASSHOLE!"

He chuckled and shook his head.

"If you think I'm an asshole, just wait until you meet your resident!" he called after her.

He heard her grumble and then the shower start. She got dressed quickly and was pretty thankful that Derek had gotten her up when he did otherwise, she would have been late. They got to the hospital and went separate ways after a quick kiss in the elevator. She went into the locker room and found her locker.

"This place is a mess." she heard behind her and turned to see a dark haired girl looking around and then at her "Hi, I'm Lexi Huff."

"Meredith Gr…" she said and then corrected herself "Meredith Shepherd."

"Nice to meet you." she sighed "You know out of 30 interns only 6 of them are women?"

"Yeah and one of them is married to a resident." A petite blonde said coming around the corner from eavesdropping "Like that's going to help anything!…Oh I'm Molly by the way."

"Yeah." Meredith rolled her eyes nervously as she slipped her left hand into her pocket.

"Oh shut up Barbie." Lexi muttered "You used to be a model and that's worse."

"How is that worse?" Izzie asked "Whoever she is, she'll probably have it way easy!"

"Oh I doubt that." Meredith mumbled "She might have told her husband to treat her like everyone else."

"Pfft!" they both laughed "Right!"

Meredith gulped nervously. The doors slammed open and they saw a tall resident with light brown hair smirking with delight over his power and authority.

"Cooper, Huff, O'Malley and…" he grinned deviously "Shepherd."

They all walked forward warily, except for Meredith…she kept her chin held high and stared right back at him as they went out into the hallway.

"Don't bother sucking up." he grinned "I already hate you. I have five rules."

"I hope none of them require us doing work for you while you spend your time fraternizing with nurses." Meredith said. The rest of the interns look at her in shock.

"Meredith." he hissed under his breath "You're ruining my intro."

"Scaring us isn't going to make us listen to you any better Mark, just tell us how to do our jobs…not yours."

"Yeah um." he mumbled and looked at the other inters "So rule number one.."

"Mark." they heard and looked up to see a dreamy dark haired doctor walking up, all the girls swooned and Meredith felt a tingle down her spine. "I need to talk to one of your interns."

"Derek!" Mark whined "Now you're messing me up!"

"You're not a tough guy anyway, no need to make them think so only to be disappointed later like so many of your dates."

"Now that's just wrong." Mark frowned.

"I need to borrow Meredith." he said, he grabbed her arm gently and smiled at her "we'll only be a few minutes."

"Just because she's your wife doesn't mean you can't steal her anytime you like!" he called after them, Meredith cringed a little as she heard the other interns gasp "She's still my intern!"

"She can miss the intro Mark, she knows her way around the hospital."

"And where all the on-call rooms are." Mark said, Derek grinned, Meredith blushed.

Derek dragged Meredith off and down a side hallway. She opened her mouth to thoroughly rip him a new one when his mouth smothered hers and she found herself moaning into his deep kiss.

"What was that for!" she gasped when he finally let her go.

"Oh I just wanted to piss Mark off." he said "He's on an arrogant soap box today."

"Well next time you decide to piss him off can you keep my job out of it? I looked incredibly unprofessional back there."

"He's not going to torture you."

"I know he won't," she said "it's just an act. But my fellow interns might not like me now, knowing that my husband can pull me out of an uncomfortable situation at will."

"They'll love you." he smiled "The patients will love you, the Attendings will love you, everyone is going to love you!"

"Maybe you should have written fairytales instead of becoming a doctor." she said.

"Well just know that no matter who hates you, you'll always be coming home to me and I love you." he smiled and kissed her forehead.

"And that will make every day worth going back for."

* * *

Meredith and her fellow interns had a busy first day, she didn't get much time alone with them to explain. But she didn't miss out hearing their whispers either. Mark finally let them go to the cafeteria for lunch. She didn't bother calling or paging Derek, she saw he was in surgery from the board, so she grabbed a tray and headed for the table.

She set her tray down at their table and they all looked up at her with a speechless expression. Not sure if they should welcome her or if they should tell her to go away. She sat down anyway, she wasn't one to run from a fight, especially over a stupid misunderstanding.

"Hi." Meredith said as she sat down "So crazy morning huh?"

"Yeah." they all mumbled.

"So, you're married to Dr. Shepherd?" Molly stated.

"Yeah."

"Must be nice." Lexi said under her breath.

"Why didn't you tell us earlier in the locker room?" Molly asked.

"I panicked." Meredith said "What would you have done?"

They stared at her with blank expressions and glanced at each other than shrugged.

"Let me make something clear." she said "I'm not here on a free ride, I'm not here to have an easy time either. I've told Derek not to give me any easier time than you guys, and I told Mark that too, but I call him on his crap, that's all it is. And I didn't use my husband to get where I am either, we got married only a month ago and I've been accepted to his program since last March. I got here by working hard and I'll stay here by working hard."

They all looked at her for a moment with incredulous stares, Molly's face broke into a smile.

"But your husband is so hot!" she giggled "How could you not be tempted to use that to your advantage."

"I know right." Lexi smirked.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief as they all engaged in a friendly conversation.

"So you got married a month ago?" George asked

"Oh leave her alone George, you'll never have a chance against Shepherd." Lexi teased.

"Yes." Meredith giggled and rolled her eyes "We've been married a month, and together for two."

"What!" Molly gasped "You married him a month after you met him!"

"Wouldn't you!" Lexi smirked.

"Yes." she giggled again "We met in Paris, we were both on vacation and we kept running into each other. We had a little vacation fling and left it at that. But then he walked into my aunt's coffee shop and we knew that fate was telling us something, so we said why the hell not! Funny thing is, we grew up practically blocks away from each other."

"But you never met until Paris?" Molly asked.

"Fate is an expensive bitch." Meredith shrugged.

"So are you going into trauma surgery like your husband?" Lexi asked.

"I don't know." she shrugged "I want to try everything out and see what I like first. My parents were general surgeons and I always thought I'd do that but now that I'm here I'm not sure."

"Really, were they famous?" Lexi asked.

"I don't know." Meredith shrugged humbly.

"What were their names?" George asked.

"Charlie and Ellis Grey." she mumbled, they all dropped their jaws.

"Charlie and Ellis Grey!" Lexi gasped "but they invented the…"

"Yeah!" Molly gasped then looked sad "But oh they…"

"Yeah." Meredith said raising her brow and stabbing her fork into her salad "But that was a long time ago…Were your guy's parents doctors?"

"My mom is a teacher and my dad is a trucker." George said, "I'm a god compared to what they do, and they annoyingly treat me so."

"Our mom was a show girl in Vegas, and we didn't know our dad." Lexi said.

"Our?" Meredith asked and glanced between the two girls "You guys are sisters."

"Yep!" Molly smiled and stuck her tongue out at Lexi.

"So did your dad die or something?" Meredith asked.

"No, our mom was a whore, she just didn't know who knocked her up." Lexi said.

"Oh she knew, she just wouldn't tell us." Molly said rolling her eyes "Not even on her death bed."

"She's probably looking up at us laughing." Lexi said.

"Probably, with her sick sense of humor."

"Looking up at you?" Meredith stuttered with wide eyes.

"Oh yeah!" Lexi laughed "God bless the woman for half assed raising us, but she is in hell for sure."

"Well haven't you ever been curious in finding out?"

"Looking for a needle in a haystack?" Lexi asked raising her brow "No thank you!"

"Meredith," Molly smiled kindly "Vegas has millions of people traveling in and out of it per month, trying to nail down who our father was would be almost impossible."

"Oh I know." she nodded "I'm sorry I was just curious. I know not having my parents around made me curious sometimes as to who they really were."

"Enough about us." Molly grinned "How hot is the sex with your husband…I wish my husband was that hot!"

Meredith gulped and was saved by the beep of her pager, she looked down at it with relief.

"Hot." she said standing up "But I'm afraid I have to go. See you guys later."

"Later."


	18. Cleaning Aunt Susan's Attic

_Chapter 18: Cleaning Aunt Susan's Attic_

"Susan you're insane!" Meredith called out from the attic that she promised her she'd help her clean out on her first weekend off in weeks. "You're either in need of mental help or you seriously need to take more time off work and spend time on your house!"

"Well I wasn't asking just you to help me." Susan said while walking up the stairs "I figured Derek would come with you."

"Well he needed to work, people needed surgery."

"Speaking of surgery, how is your internship going?" Susan asked.

"Great!" she said, "I got to take out a kid's appendix last week, it was fun."

"Probably more for you than him." Susan laughed "And speaking of kids…"

"Oh please don't start!" Meredith whined.

"What?" she shrugged "I can't be curious?"

"Derek and I have only been married for two months Suze. Seriously we're so swamped with work we barely get time alone together, the last thing we need right now is someone else to divide our time towards."

"Alright, alright." Susan sighed "I just wondered is all. No rush."

"Good, there won't be one." Meredith mumbled as she walked around the maze of boxes and noticed some with her parent's names written on them "What are these?"

"Oh," Susan said "those are from your parent's house."

"How come I never saw these before?"

"Because you never came up here." Susan said, "I've asked you how many times to help me clean this place out?"

"Don't blame your hoarding habits on me now." Meredith grumbled as she opened a box

"You can take them home with you if you like." Susan said

"Ok." Meredith nodded and closed the box "Where do you want to get started?"

"Somewhere we won't get buried alive!" Susan laughed.

* * *

Meredith and Susan spent almost all day long cleaning out her attic, by the time she got home she was tired and sore from carrying boxes around all day. She carried in the boxes from her parent's house in and set them on the living room floor and sat down herself. She looked at the clock and knew Derek wouldn't be home for a few more hours so she started digging through them. She quickly lost track of time as she read through papers and books, she barely heard the front door open and close.

"Hey." he said as he walked in and saw her engrossed in a black book.

"Hey." she said as she looked up at him.

"How was your attic organizing day with Suze?" he asked after giving her a kiss.

"Interesting." she said

"Did she pawn some boxes off on you?" he asked.

"Not really." she said "These are from my parents' house."

"Oh." he said, his eyes softened and he wasn't sure how to respond.

"I think my father had an affair."

"What?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said holding up the black book "this is his diary."

"Men don't have diaries babe." Derek frowned "Men have journals."

"Whatever." she rolled her eyes "Anyway, when my mom was five months pregnant with me, they split up for three months and he went to Salt Lake City for a case and he talks about some lady named Roxanne Huff. I think they had a fling by the way he talks about her, I think he cheated on my mom."

"Would it really be considered cheating if they were on a break?" Derek frowned as he walked into the kitchen to grab some drinks.

"Ok Ross!" she scoffed "And yes it would, if we split up would you go out and have a fling?"

"We won't split up." he said as he handed her a beer.

"Hypothetically…" she said and took a sip "what if we split up, would you think of yourself as a free agent?"

"Hypothetically we wouldn't split up." he said firmly "Hypothetically I love you enough to work anything out and we'll never split up."

She sighed heavily, not getting to what she was wanting to in their conversation. He saw the frustration on her face and set his beer down, then took her into his arms and smiled softly at her.

"What your dad did was wrong, and no I wouldn't ever cheat on you not even if we were, but never will be, split up. I'll be with you until the day I die."

"Thank you." she smiled. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "How was your day?"

"Boring and uneventful." he said "I couldn't get you off my mind."

She giggled and smiled brightly at him.

"I missed you too babe."

"We should never be apart for more than an hour at a time." He said "It should be a crime."

"It should." she giggled, he took beer and set it down on the counter next to his and then took her hand and pulled her towards the hallway "Where are we going?"

He turned and smirked at her with a wave of his brows.

"To make up for lost time."


	19. Trying For A Baby?

_Chapter 19: Trying for a Baby?_

"What are you all standing around for?" Meredith asked when she saw her fellow interns in the hallway.

"We have nothing to do." Lexi groaned

"Where's Dr. Sloan?" Meredith frowned.

"Fraternizing with the help." Molly muttered. She gestured towards the nurses station and Meredith looked to see him leaning against the desk, flirting with a nurse.

"So, as you can see, he hasn't bothered to tell us what to do for the day." Lexi sighed.

"I'll fix this." Meredith muttered and walked swiftly up to Mark and cleared her throat loudly.

"What?" he asked and glanced over at her.

"You have interns." she hinted. He glanced down the hallway at them and back at her.

"Yeah, so….what's your point?"

"My point is that interns need instructions Mark." she muttered "And you being the resident are the one that's supposed to give it."

"Well I'm busy."

"Really!" she crossed her arms "And flirting with nurses is more important than teaching doctors?"

"Glad you caught onto that important fact!" Mark grinned, she glared "Look you know just as much as I do, so you go tell them what to do."

"Ugh." she scoffed "You really are helpless!"

She glared at him as she marched off and back to the interns.

"Ok." she sighed "Lexi and Molly, you go help Dr. Bailey in the ER there's an ambulance coming in and see if Dr. Shepherd needs to be paged after his surgery. George you go wander around the Neurosurgery rooms aimlessly."

"What?" George asked "Why!"

"Just long enough for the Neuro Attendings to see that you're wandering around without instruction. If they see that Mark will probably get his ass ripped and it's well deserved."

"Right." George frowned "On it."

Lexi and Molly rushed off as well and Meredith turned around wondering what she was needing to do. She walked towards the OR board to get an idea when she felt someone grab her arm. She turned as she was being carted off and saw Derek pulling her down the hallway.

"Hey!" she gasped "I thought you were in surgery."

"I was." he smiled "Want to see something cool?"

"How cool?" she asked as they got into the stairwell.

"Cool like you'll probably never see this again kind of cool." he said.

"I'm in." she smiled and followed him.

They went down a flight of stairs and down a small hallway to a room under the stairs that she didn't even know was there. They walked into a room where a man sat on the bed with his back to them, she frowned and glanced at Derek wondering what was so cool. He reached over to the bedside table and set a cup of urine on it.

"How is this cool?" she whispered.

"Wait for it." he whispered back.

At that moment he turned, and she saw his bulging belly. Her jaw dropped as he rubbed it affectionately and then looked up to see them standing there.

"Oh doctor!" he said "I told you it wouldn't take long to fill that cup up, this baby really makes me need to pee!"

Meredith stared at him in disbelief, she noticed a woman sitting in the chair in the corner but focused back on him as he waddled to the bed and sat down on the bed. She glanced up at Derek as she thought of all the possibilities.

"Sexual reassignment surgery?" she asked with a crease in her brow.

"My husband is very much a man." she heard the woman laugh "After all he fathered Michael here."

Meredith looked down and noticed a baby boy in her lap. She raised her brow and turned to Derek who had a smirk on her face.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You tell me." he said "What are your thoughts?"

"I would say do an MRI and check for a tumor."

"No MRI!" the man said "It might hurt the baby."

Meredith glanced at Derek with disbelief.

"Ok if we do a pregnancy test and it comes up negative will you consent to an MRI?" Meredith asked him.

"Perhaps." he said.

She walked to the cabinet in the room and grabbed a test and put on some gloves. Derek started talking to the couple as she performed the test using the man's urine specimen.

"He's cute, how old is he?" Derek asked the woman as he crouched down to look at the baby.

"Six months." she said, "And growing like a weed."

"Well that's a good thing." Derek said in a cute baby voice "Just means you'll be a big strong tough guy huh!"

She felt herself smiling over his cooing over the baby and glanced back at the test to see that it had two pink lines on the display window. Her jaw dropped as she looked it over and over in disbelief.

"Derek." she gulped "You're not going to believe this."

He looked up at her and then stood up, he frowned as he stood over her shoulder and looked at the test for himself.

"I'll be damned." he mumbled.

"It's positive isn't it." the man said "See I told you!"

"Um," Derek mumbled "Shane we're going to do a few more tests, we're not quite sure what's causing this."

"I'm pregnant!" he said "That's what's causing this!"

"Right well we'll do an ultrasound to confirm it then, just like an OB would." he said, then turned to go out of the room "Dr. Shepherd."

She followed him out of the room, he walked out to the desk and started making a few notes on the chart. She leaned against the desk and smiled a little.

"So what do you think about that?"

"I think what you do." he said.

"Really?" she said surprised.

"Yeah of course." he frowned "I think he has a tumor."

"Oh." she mumbled.

"You meant something else." he said.

"No, no I didn't." she stuttered.

"Yes you did." he frowned "You have that disappointed look on your face that you get when I don't understand what you're saying."

"It's not important Derek." she rolled her eyes "I just thought you looked cute in there but it's not important. I'll go order an ultrasound."

Derek frowned as she grabbed the chart and walked a few steps down the hall, suddenly it all clicked and he gasped to himself.

"Oh!" he said, she stopped and turned towards him "You meant about the baby."

"Maybe." she shrugged.

"You want to have a baby?" he asked with a small smile on his lips. She gulped.

"It just made me happy seeing you interact with the baby…it made me kind of feel that way."

"Well it was a cute baby." he said.

"Not as cute as ours will be." she said. He grinned and leaned in to kiss her. "Does this mean you want to?"

"I don't know." he shrugged "We've only been married four months, and we're extremely busy."

"So you don't want to."

"But it takes nine months to have a baby and who knows how life might settle down by then."

"So you do?" she asked confused. He sighed a little and smiled.

"Maybe we could just kind of stop preventing but not really try and see what happens."

"With as often as we have sex it'll probably happen right away." She raised her brow.

"Then so be it." he smiled. "How long do we have until the ultrasound?"

"Usually takes about an hour to an hour and a half to get in, why?"

"Plenty of time!" he grinned.

"Plenty of time for what?" she asked. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her down the hallway.

"To start trying but not trying to have a baby."

"Derek," she giggled "I thought we weren't trying."

"Maybe not…" he grinned as he pushed open the on call room door "But I want to get in all the practice we can."

She stared at the empty room and gulped, then at his eager expression. This was it, perhaps no turning back. She could be the mother of Derek's baby in nine months….she felt a bubble of excitement in her chest and smiled as she took his hand.

* * *

Meredith yawned as she put her lab coat on that morning, it had been a few days and she needed to be ready for the surgery on Shane. Though it had been handed over to Bailey she got to be in the OR for it.

"You little bitch!" Lexi muttered as she walked up beside her

"Excuse me?"

"You get in on the pregnant man surgery!" she muttered "I hope you fall asleep before they call you, so they call me for surgery instead."

"Don't count yourself in yet." Meredith giggled "I'm just tired from Derek keeping me up all night, as soon as I get going, I'll wake up."

"Oh?" Molly grinned "Do we need to know what for, or can we assume!"

"Oh please Molly." Lexi rolled her eyes "You always assume sex; he could have been sick or had calls all night or something."

"No." Meredith giggled "It was for sex."

"Ah to be a newlywed again!" Molly crooned.

"I don't know how you two do it." Lexi said, "My job is all I have time for, I might as well marry it."

"Yeah well, your job can't keep you up and happy all night like Mer's hubby." Molly grinned "So is it a newlywed thing or are you trying to have a baby?"

"I don't know." Meredith said.

"How can you not know?" Lexi asked, "You're either trying for a baby or you're not."

"Well we're not really trying, but we decided to not, not try." Meredith said, then smiled "But it seems the thought of that makes him really…. excited."

"Oh I bet." Lexi giggled "You know everyone will really hate you once McDreamy knocks you up!"

"With McBaby." Molly sung out softly. "Gosh I miss Laura being little."

"Yeah, now she's just a terrible toddler." Lexi rolled her eyes.

"Hey back off, she's still my baby!" Molly defended.

"Laura?" Meredith asked "You have a baby? I didn't know you had a baby."

"Yep." Molly smiled, she opened the door to her locker and pointed to a picture "Here she is."

"Cute!" Meredith smiled as she walked over and looked at the strawberry blonde baby, she noticed a picture above it, a woman in a purple feather outfit and fishnet stockings "Is this your mom?"

"Yep." Molly nodded "Little slut, but it's the best pic we have of her."

"Roxy H?" Meredith frowned

"That's her show name, which wasn't really creative." Lexi laughed "Her real name was Roxanne Huff, and slutty as she was Molly at least she gave birth to us and did her best to raise us."

"Roxanne Huff?" Meredith said in disbelief. "And you guys are twins?"

"Fraternal." Molly smiled.

"Thank god!" Lexi groaned "I'd hate to look like a Barbie."

"Oh shut up!" Molly hissed.

"Um." Meredith shook her head "I have to go."

Molly and Lexi looked at her peculiarly as she rushed off out of the room. Luckily it didn't take her long to find Derek standing in the hallway filling out a chart. She walked right up to him with a desperate look on her face.

"I need to talk to you."

"Hello to you too." he smirked.

"Now!" she widened her eyes a little. He frowned as he put the pen in his pocket.

"Ok." he nodded. Then turned and led her around the corner to a smaller hallway "What's so important?" a grin then struck across his face "You're pregnant!"

"No." she shook her head "I think Lexi and Molly are my sisters."

"What?" Derek frowned.

"Well half-sisters." Meredith explained "Their mother is Roxanne Huff, the showgirl that my father had an affair with. Plus, they're twins, they could be my sisters Derek!"

"Well their mother was a show girl in Las Vegas Mer." he said "It could just be a coincidence, their father could be anyone. Plus, they don't really look like you."

"I favor my Aunt Susan."

"Maggie is your father's sister."

"My dad was very dark, he had dark hair and dark eyes just like…" she trailed off.

"Just like who?"

"Just like Lexi." she mumbled.

"Baby." he sighed "I see this is important to you but maybe you shouldn't meddle in this. Just let it go, it might upset them."

"How would it upset them?" she frowned "I would want to know."

"Well they've gone this long fatherless, and it's not going to change anything."

"What do you mean."

"Well what are they going to be happy to know who their father is but that he's dead?" he asked. She looked stung by the comment and he instantly regretted it "I'm sorry."

"You're right, it sucks having dead parents." she said "I'm going back to work."

"Meredith." he said and reached for her but she scurried off. He sighed and ran a hand through his thick locks "Damn it."


	20. Any Luck with Baby Making?

_Chapter 20: Any Luck with Baby Making?_

Derek felt like crap the rest of the day, what he'd said to Meredith weighed heavily on his mind. He couldn't seem to get a hold of her either, all afternoon she was in Bailey's surgery and then he got called into an emergency. By the time he got out she had already left for the day.

He raced home with a million things to say, as soon as he parked he rushed to the door of the condo and rushed through the door, he looked around but didn't find her immediately.

"Meredith!" he called out desperately "Meredith, where are you!"

"What?" he heard her voice from the top of the stairs and looked up with relief to see her walking down them, she stopped halfway "What's the emergency?"

"I'm sorry." he choked out "What I said today was wrong."

"You came in here acting like your ass is on fire to tell me that?"

"That and I don't think it's my business if you tell them or not. They're your possible sisters, you should make the choice."

"Derek we're married." she frowned "There is no you and there is no I….there's us and we make decisions together."

He looked up at her and grinned.

"What's so funny?"

"And you thought you'd be a crappy wife." he smiled. She rolled her eyes and walked down the rest of the stairs. When she got to the bottom one, he wrapped his arms around her and they kissed "I love you."

"I love you more." she giggled at using his line. "Are you ready to make dinner?"

"Starved!" he said.

They walked hand in hand over to the kitchen, she went in and started scouring the fridge. He noticed that there were a few shopping bags on the table and on instinct went through them to put stuff away. He saw a small box and didn't recognize it so he picked it up and looked it over 'Home Pregnancy Test' his jaw dropped and he looked at Meredith and then at the box.

"Um, Mer? Is there something you need to tell me?" he asked, she frowned and turned around to see him holding the box looking a little unsure.

"Oh, I'm not pregnant." she said.

"How can you be sure?" he asked "We just started not preventing."

"Check the other contents in the bag genius!" she scoffed, then pulled a small blue box out of the bag and tossed it on the table.

"Oh." he breathed, then looked at the one in his hand and frowned "Then why…"

"I went to the store to buy tampons and those were on sale so I bought a box." she explained "Ironically they're right next to the feminine products.. I guess if you don't get one you'll get the other."

"I guess." he chuckled and set the box down "So I guess this means we get to practice more huh?"

"Starting next week." she reminded him.

"Always well worth the wait." he smiled.

"Chicken or fish?" she called from her stance back in front of the freezer.

"Chicken." he said.

He knew he needed to go help her but for some reason he kept staring at the box that was formerly in his hand and felt a little more excitement than he'd expected, hoping that perhaps she'd get to use it soon.

* * *

"Any luck yet?" Lexi asked Meredith as she entered the locker room.

"Luck with what?" she asked.

"With baby making."

"We're not trying to make a baby yet."

"Oh whatever." Lexi rolled her eyes "You guys do it like bunnies, it's bound to happen."

"I'm starting to regret telling you so much." Meredith frowned "And we do not do it like bunnies."

"Oh please." Molly laughed "Like every day in the on-call room for the past four months."

"No." Meredith shook her head and creased her brow in thought "Have we?"

"Is it that good or that bad that you lose track?" Lexi asked.

"It's good." Meredith giggled "Trust me it's good.

They heard a phone ring and looked to see Molly scrambling to get it out of her pocket.

"Shit!" she hissed "It's the doctor….hello?"

"Doctor?" Meredith asked after Molly walked off with the phone pressed to her ear.

"Yeah." Lexi said looking sad "Laura's sick again."

"Sick?" Meredith asked concerned "What's wrong with her?"

"Don't know." Lexi shrugged. "They can't figure it out, but think she might need a bone marrow transplant."

"Bone marrow transplant!" Meredith gasped "God how terrible! I feel awful for her."

"I feel worse." Lexi sighed "I'm her aunt and I can't even help out."

"Why not?"

"I'm not a match." she said "Molly and I aren't identical twins so we have different blood and tissue types."

"Is Molly a match?"

"No, not her or Chad." Lexi said "They'll have to go with an outside donor unless someone else pops up. But unrelated donors carry more risk."

"Is it cancer?" Meredith gulped as she processed that thought.

"No," Lexi shook her head "It's something else, I think something genetic."

"Poor baby." Meredith mumbled and felt tears well in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" Lexi asked, "You look like you're about to spout a fountain."

"Yeah." Meredith sniffed as she blinked back her tears "I don't know what's gotten into me, I feel all weepy today."

"Maybe your bunny workouts are paying off." Lexi giggled.

"Shut up."

"So what are you doing after work?"

"Derek and I are going to dinner for our eight month anniversary." she said

"Wow eight months already?"

"Yeah, crazy how time flies." Meredith laughed, again feeling overly emotional. She frowned, wondering what was going on with her today. "Hey how long until rounds?"

"Um thirty minutes, why?"

"I'll be back in twenty."


	21. Surprises, Good and Not so Good

_Chapter 21: Surprises, Good and Not so Good_

Derek paced the lobby that evening as he waited for Meredith. He'd had a long busy afternoon and all he wanted was to wrap his arms around her and never let go. Their life would be making some big changes soon and he wanted to spend as much time with her as he could. He heard the elevator ding and looked up to see the doors open, she stepped on with a glowing smile on her face.

"Hey." he smiled

"Hi." she said kissing him and giggling.

"You're in a good mood." he smiled.

"You have no idea." she grinned "Where are we going?"

"To dinner," he said "But I want to make a stop first."

"Where to?"

"It's a surprise." he said.

She rolled her eyes a little but took his hand and walked out to the car with him anyway. They left the hospital parking lot and Derek headed away from downtown.

"Look in the glove box." he said.

"Ok." she frowned, she opened it and on top of some papers was a pink satin blind fold, she picked it up and giggled "Very kinky Derek, but you're driving."

"Funny." he chuckled "Put it on."

"Seriously?" she raised her brow.

"Seriously." he said "It's a surprise."

She groaned a little but conceded and slipped it over her head and covered her eyes with it. It seemed like they were driving for a while before they finally stopped. She sighed as she waited for him to open the door for her and he did, he took her hand and helped her out. He led her along a sidewalk and then stopped her and pulled the blindfold off her face.

"Surprise." he said. She looked in front of them to see a small two-story house with a for sale sign on the yard.

"It's a house." she said. "You brought me here to show me a house?"

"It might be our house." he smiled.

"You bought a house?" she gulped.

"Well I wanted to make sure you liked it first, but I thought it would be perfect." he smiled "It's fifteen hundred square feet, two story, two bedroom, two and a half bath."

"Two bedroom?" she gulped.

"Yes." he smiled "So what do you think?"

"Um, can I be honest?"

"Of course." he frowned.

"It's a little small."

"It's bigger than the one bedroom condo." he scoffed. She turned and looked around at the other houses, the one across the street was much larger and had a for sale sign in the yard.

"How big is that house?"

"That house!" Derek said "Is five bedrooms and much too big for the two of us."

"Um….Derek."

"Meredith, look." he sighed "We haven't gotten pregnant yet and I think that's a sign. We should take a break for a while and do some other things. A five bedroom house is much too big for two people."

"Other things?" she frowned "What other things?"

"So you don't like this house?" he asked as if diverting the conversation and pointing to the one he brought her to.

"It's cute, adorable. I really like it, but I still think it's too small."

"I know," he said "but this is the best and safest neighborhood in Seattle, you'll be safe here. And I want you safe when I'm gone."

"When you're gone?" she frowned "Where are you going?"

He looked at her incredulously, with a blank cat caught his tongue kind of look. He had to tell her, but he just couldn't seem to find the words that would make the blow any easier.

"Meredith I joined the Army today." he blurted out. Her eyes widened and she suddenly felt like someone had knocked the air out of her.

"You what!" she gasped.

"I got an incredible offer, and I couldn't turn it down. I wasn't expecting this kind of offer for another three years but they offered me it now and I couldn't turn it down."

"So, you just went ahead and did it without talking to me about this!" she muttered, her fists tightened into balls and she felt her anger boil.

"In all honestly Meredith I've talked to you about this since day one." he frowned "You knew this is what I wanted to do, you knew this was coming."

"Yes I did!" she screamed "But I didn't realize you'd do it without at least telling me in advance! I didn't realize that you had such little consideration for me!"

"I have plenty of consideration for you Meredith!" he defended "For god sakes I'm trying to buy you a house so you'll be safe on your own while I'm gone."

"I don't want the fucking house!" she screamed and turned to storm off.

"Meredith this isn't fair!" he yelled "You knew this was coming so what is the big deal!"

"The big deal is that I'm pregnant!" she yelped and spun around towards him, her voice broke and she started to cry "I'm pregnant Derek and now you're leaving! Now I'm going to have to be alone and have a baby by myself! That's what the big deal is!"

She turned and marched down the side walk, he could hear her sobs getting louder though she was getting further away. He felt frozen and in shock as he stood there watching the love of his life march away from him. He was faced with two options, staying with his wife or leaving to follow his dream. And now he was going to be a father…. somehow, he had to make everything work. He went after her finally and found a park a block down from the house, she was sitting on a bench, still sobbing. He walked over to her and sat down next to her, he reached over and pulled her into his arms, she didn't fight him.

"I'm sorry." he whispered into her hair "I'm so sorry Meredith."

"You're following your dream Derek." she sniffled "I shouldn't be mad….I'm just scared."

"I'm scared too baby." he said while rubbing his hand up and down her back "But we'll find a way to make it work…I only have to leave for training camp for a few months, I'll make sure I'm back before we have the baby. I won't miss it for the world."

"You promise?" she whimpered.

"I promise." he said kissing the top of her head. He looked out into the street and sighed "So you really think we need the bigger house?"

"Obviously." she said almost giggling.

"But five bedrooms!?" he said disdainfully. She picked her head up off his shoulder and smiled at him.

"We'll grow into them." she said softly and truthfully.

He felt a jolt in his heart, and suddenly couldn't wait for that to happen. This was the woman who he'd seen with his babies in his arms, and now one was on the way. He leaned in and smothered her lips with his, taking her breath away with his tongue and kissing her as deeply as he could possibly do.

"God I love you so much!" he whispered desperately.

"I love you too."


	22. Bye Derek

_Chapter 22: Bye Derek_

In the following weeks they'd been so busy trying to get the house bought, Derek resigning from the hospital and getting ready to leave for the Army that they had hardly any time to spend with anyone else. But at least they had each other, for the time being anyway. The morning Derek was supposed to leave for Fort Benning, Georgia, he woke to an odd sound.

At first it sounded like Meredith was coughing but as he got up and went to the bathroom, he saw her hunched over the toilet bowl, morning sickness had set in. He walked to the sink and wet down a wash cloth, she took it and wiped down her face with it while he rubbed her back.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he asked.

"You were resting, you need your rest." she said "You'll be waking up before dawn soon to run god awful amount of miles. You need rest."

"And you need help." he sighed as he brushed her hair out of her face

"I'll manage just fine on my own Derek." she said "I'm going to have to."

"I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"I'll be fine." she put on a fake smile "It won't last forever."

"I hate to leave when you're sick."

"It's morning sickness Derek." she rolled her eyes "It'll be fine and it won't last forever either."

"I feel guilty." Derek gulped. Meredith sighed and turned to stand in front of him, she put her hands on his shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye.

"Things happen." she said "And plans change, but this was always a part of the bigger picture. You've wanted to do this since before we ever met, now don't let me or the baby hold you back from your dream. We'll be here when you get back and we'll do just fine!"

"You're right." he mumbled "You're so right."

"So suck it up!" she muttered "You'll never survive the army with that kind of attitude!"

"Yes, ma'am." Derek frowned.

"We better get dressed." she said "Your parents are meeting us at the airport."

"Right."

They jumped in the shower together and did a little more than washing up but managed to make it out of the condo on time. They drove through the streets of Boston holding each other's hand in the car and before they knew it, they were at the airport. They made it past security and to the terminal where Derek's flight was about to be boarded.

"Mom." he nodded when they reached his parents "Dad, thanks for coming."

"Of course, we wouldn't miss this for anything!" Carolyn smiled "We haven't seen you for weeks and here you are leaving!"

"I'll be back in two months mom." Derek laughed "You won't even miss me."

"Of course we will, we always miss you."

"When he gets home, we'll make it a point to come over more." Meredith said.

"Well I hope you know you're very welcome to come over while he's gone." Mike said, "You're our daughter Meredith, I hope you feel that way."

"Thank you." she smiled "And I would like that."

"Will you take care of my girl for me?" Derek asked.

"Absolutely." Carolyn smiled "She'll be in good hands."

They heard his flight being called and he sighed, looking at them bitter sweetly. Carolyn was the first one to him and threw her arms around her son, hugging him tightly.

"Just be safe Derek." she said, her voice broken.

"I will mom." he promised. She let go of him and his dad was standing there, they started shaking hands.

"You know son," he said "I've never asked you to follow in my footsteps….but I have to admit I'm damn proud of you right now."

"Thanks dad." he said as they leaned in for a hug.

Derek then turned around and saw Meredith standing there waiting, he smiled at her and looked at her with all the love in the world. He then knelt down in front of her on one knee and pressed his lips to her stomach, caressing it affectionately.

"See you later baby." he mumbled "Be nice to mommy and grow big for me."

As he stood up to kiss Meredith he heard a gasp of surprise come from his mother's mouth, he looked up to see shocked and surprised but happy expressions on both their faces.

"Oh yeah." he smiled sheepishly "We're having a baby."

"Oh my god!" Carolyn gasped and flung her arms around Meredith "Oh congratulations!"

"Thank you." she giggled. Mike gave Derek a pat on the back and shook his hand.

"Congratulations son." he smiled "You're going to be a father."

"Thanks dad." he grinned "I hope I'm half the father you were to me."

"You'll be wonderful." Carolyn said, hugging him "You both will…now hurry home to your wife and baby."

"I will Mom."

He turned again to Meredith let out a long breath and then took her in his arms and pressed his lips against hers in a long drudging kiss that made both their toes curl. When he released her, they were both breathless and the last call for his flight rang through the terminal. He pressed his forehead against hers and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I love you more than I can find words to say." he whispered.

"I love you too." she whispered, "Come home soon."


	23. Missing Derek

_Chapter 23: Missing Derek_

It was a little rougher than she thought it would be having Derek gone for two months, but she never let him see that. She went over to Mike and Carolyn's when she felt she was having a hard time coping, it helped her to feel closer to him when she was with his parents. Susan came over a lot too, and she was thrilled about the baby. The only contact they really had was email and the few times a day that he could call her. She made sure to sound happy for him and fine, but inside she needed him and was counting the days.

She was walking in the door of their new home when she heard the phone ring. She felt her stomach jump and dropped her things as she rushed over to get it. She felt her heart pounding when she saw the caller ID and grinned as she picked it up and answered it.

"Hey!" she said with excitement.

"Hey." he grinned "How's my baby?"

"Well I'm doing just fine thank you." she giggled, "And it's growing."

"Good to hear." He smiled. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." she gulped "How is training?"

"Brutal, but as to be expected." he said "How did the moving go?"

"The movers did a great job, I hardly lifted a finger. And Mark came over to help unpack and move the big stuff. You'll come home to a nicely organized house!"

"I can't wait!"

"Have you checked your email yet?"

"No I haven't." he said and then smiled "Did you send me something?"

"Yes I did." she giggled

"Let me get my laptop then." he said. He quickly started it up and opened the email "You sent me a video of the blob?"

"Just watch it." she giggled.

He opened it and saw a black and white screen, it looked like it was blurry at first but then he saw something inside of a dark oblong shape moving, he heard a sound in the background and turned the volume up and heard a swish-swish-swish sound. It all came together at once and he gasped, he felt tears burn his eyes and he choked on the lump in his throat.

"That's our baby." he mumbled with a broken voice.

"Our little blob." she said affectionately.

"Don't call it a blob." he laughed "It might take offense."

"Well right now it looks like a blob so that's what I'm calling it."

"I guess there are worse names out there." he chuckled, then got quiet "I'm sorry I missed it."

"It's ok babe." she said "There will be other ultrasounds, and right now all you can really see is a.."

"Blob." he smiled. "I'll be at the next one, I promise."

"I know honey." she smiled "The baby is due September 1st by the way."

"September." he smiled "I'll make sure my schedule is clear…I cant wait to get home to my girls."

"Girls?"

"Yeah, I have a feeling."

"What if your girl turns out to be a boy." she giggled "Talk about gender confusion."

"What do you feel like it is?"

"Right now I feel like it's the flu." she laughed "But I don't know. I can't decide, sometimes it feels like a boy and sometimes I think I might be wrong."

"Well we could find out."

"We could." she said "Or we could wait and see, let he or she show us."

"He or she could show us on an ultrasound too."

"True." she giggled "Lets get through the first trimester before we worry about it though."

"Alright." he said with a happy sigh "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"I'll be home soon." he mumbled.

"And I'll be waiting."


	24. Honey, I'm Home!

_Chapter 24: Honey, I'm Home_

"Meredith." Mark grumbled as he walked up to her in the hallway "Did you get my post op notes done from last week?"

"No." she said bluntly.

"Meredith!" he grimaced "I asked you to get those done by yesterday."

"And I told you I'm not covering your ass so you can chase some."

"Treat me with a little respect here." he said narrowly "I am after all, your boss."

"I treat people with respect who are worth respecting." she muttered "Those who fuck around on the job and make their interns do all the dirty work are not worth respecting!"

"Ouch." he frowned "You're lucky you're pregnant, that sudden out lashing could wind you up out on your ass otherwise."

"And who is going to do it Mark?" she asked looking at him with challenge and arched an eyebrow "You?"

He gulped, no matter how much of a pain in the ass she could be at times, especially while hormonal she was still his best friends wife. And if it weren't for the fact that he didn't want to double cross him, more importantly he didn't want his ass kicked.

"No." he stuttered, then saw a brunette walking by with her nose in a chart "Lexi!"

"No." she mumbled without looking up.

"But you don't even know what I was going to ask you." he frowned, then smirked "It could have benefits."

She looked up at him finally and scrunched up her nose, a look of disgust.

"Uck!" she groaned "No thank you! I pride myself in a clean vag thanks."

She rolled her eyes and walked off down the hall. Mark sighed and turned back to Meredith who stood there smirking.

"You've been spreading rumors?"

"I wouldn't need to say anything, the nurses say enough." she said "but yes I warned them."

"Speaking of, you guys still owe me a condom." he glared.

"Oh right, forgot how precious they are to you." she shrugged.

"Like gold." he muttered before marching off to gather his charts from the nurses station. Meredith sighed and felt someone poke her, she turned to see Lexi next to her chewing on her bottom lip in a lustful expression.

"Lexi I told you he's more trouble than he's worth!" Meredith frowned.

"It's not Mark." she gulped to wet down her throat, "You know how we've always ogled about how hot your husband is here at work?"

"Yeah." she said, feeling confused.

"Well that's nothing to what he looks like in uniform." she giggled.

Meredith frowned but to ease her curiosity she followed Lexi's stare down the hallway and saw a tall figure in a camo army uniform. Under the brim of his hat that covered the thick locks of raven hair his deep blue eyes smiled at her, she inhaled sharply and dropped the chart she was holding. Before she could think her feet carried her swiftly to him and she practically jumped into his arms. She buried her face into his shoulder as he lifted her and turned in a circle as if it were just them in their own little world. Long minutes passed by before they could let each other go enough to look at each other.

Both slowly let go of each other enough to look each other in the eye, taking each other in slowly. She placed her feet on the ground, but her arms still wrapped around his shoulders tightly, they leaned into each other, wanting to communicate wordlessly a few moments longer. Their lips connected and opened to allow their tongues long lost mates a slippery reunion. She felt her body tingle and heat up in response, a feeling she missed though they'd only been apart for a few months.

"You're early." she panted when finally her oxygen supply had given out.

"I can go back if you want." he chuckled.

"No!" she gasped and shook her head "No stay, please don't go."

"I missed you." he said hugging her tightly, then remembering there was someone between them he let her go and stepped back.

As if she read his mind she smiled and put her hand over her stomach, tightening the fabric of her shirt over her slightly swollen belly. He grinned with delight as he saw the small lump, he placed his hands over hers and caressed her stomach with his thumbs.

"You're already showing."

"Yeah." she smiled.

"Is there more than one in there?"

"No!" she panicked at the thought "Just no place else for it to go than out."

"True." he chuckled.

"Derek!" they heard and turned to see Mark standing there stunned but then grin "Derek."

"Mark." Derek nodded as he walked up and shook his hand.

"Look at you all dressed up and looking like a hero." Mark grinned "Better watch out you could become my competition around here."

"No." Derek chuckled and pulled Meredith to his side "There's only one girl for me."

"So be it." Mark nodded "How was Georgia?"

"Humid." he said

"Well you should tell me all about it later."

"Later?" Derek asked. "Mark I just got off a plane."

"All the more reason to kick back and have some drinks with your best friend."

Derek looked a little torn as he glanced down at Meredith, she smiled up at him "I'm not the only one that missed you. It could be fun."

"You can't drink."

"Doesn't mean you can't." she said, "We should go, they have water."

"See!" Mark grinned "I knew I always liked you."

"Should I remind you of what you told me ten minutes ago?" she arched her brow. Mark's face fell a little and he looked a little flustered.

"What did you say ten minutes ago?" Derek asked.

"I um, I gotta go." Mark said, "I'll see you at Joe's at six."

He walked off and Derek glanced at the smirk on Meredith's face and then at Mark's retreating back.

"Mark! What did you say!"

* * *

**What did you guy think about Derek's return?**


	25. We're Sisters?

"I can't believe you brought your baby into a bar." Lexi said as they all sat on stools and watched Mark and Derek play darts across the room.

"I didn't bring my baby into a bar." Meredith frowned "I'm pregnant, it goes wherever I go, and I went into the bar."

"Which sounds better how?" Lexi raised a brow.

"Ignore her." Molly giggled "I went into the bar a lot when I was pregnant with Laura." Meredith raised her brow "Because Chad was in there! Gosh you two!"

"Speaking of Laura, how is she?" Meredith asked. Just as Molly opened her mouth to answer her phone rang.

"It's the RE, I gotta take this. Be right back."

"RE?" Meredith frowned after she slipped off to the bathroom.

"Reproductive something or other." Lexi said "They're trying to have another baby."

"And they need and RE for that?"

"Well Laura's doctors told them that cord blood might help."

Meredith felt her thoughts start swimming around her mind as what Lexi told her sink in. She'd been keeping quiet about her suspicions regarding her, Molly and Lexi. Wanting to see if there was really a need to tell them. But now a little girl, possibly her niece was in trouble.

"Lexi, I'm pregnant." she blurted out.

"I know." she laughed "You're starting to show too in case I didn't already know."

"That's not what I mean I…" she trailed off. Lexi frowned as she watched a hesitated expression wash over her face.

"Whatever it is Meredith, just spit it out."

"I ran across my father's journals. My aunt had them in her attic all this time." she said "Lexi my father had an affair with your mother."

"Sorry." she frowned "But so did half the men traveling through Las Vegas."

"Lex," she gulped "It was nine months before yours and Molly's birthday." Lexi's smirk faded a little "Lexi…you look like you could be my father's daughter."

Lexi had an incredulous stare as she started putting everything together. She was quiet for a few long minutes and then glanced under the bar at Meredith's small growing belly and then she looked at Meredith.

"Laura." she whispered. Meredith nodded "I need to go tell Molly!"

"Ok." Meredith nodded. She sighed a little with relief to finally have it off her chest. The bartender walked up and set another glass of water in front of her. She smiled graciously and took a sip.

"Can I get you something a little stronger?" she heard and looked over to see a tall dark and somewhat handsome man smirking at her while leaning against the bar.

"Oh um no thanks I'm…" she mumbled while starting to wiggle her left hand in front of him.

"Married?" he grinned "I know I saw the rock weighing down your left hand." he raised his left hand and she saw a yellow band "I am too…but we can still have fun."

"Oh?" she arched a brow and pressed her lips together "Would it still be fun with me being pregnant?"

His smile faded as he glanced down and saw her little bubble of a belly, he stiffened up a little and turned and rushed out of the bar. She heard a giggle and turned to see Molly and Lexi both having caught that. She glanced across the bar to see Derek looking at her warily. She shrugged at him and giggled along with Lexi and Molly.

"Stupid moron!" Lexi muttered

"Not the brightest crayon in the box was he?" Meredith said while sipping on the water.

"So Meredith." Molly sighed as she sat down next to her "We're sisters?"


	26. It's A

_Chapter 26: It's A..._

"You're a jerk." Meredith muttered as she stepped out of the car, that he was holding the door for her.

"Why am I a jerk?" he asked defensively.

"Because you are." She scoffed as they walked toward the hospital entrance "You made us late for the appointment, and that makes you a jerk."

"I wasn't a sole participant in the late making." He smirked as he tried to catch up to her "And you weren't complaining…if I remember correctly your exact words were, oh god Derek don't stop."

"Shut up!" she hissed "I don't want the whole hospital knowing our sex life."

"There's no one in ear shot." He frowned as they boarded the elevator "What is with you today?"

"There's nothing with me today." She muttered "I'm just me, same old me."

"No, you're…" he hesitated "Cranky today." She shot him a sideways glare as the doors closed "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." She muttered, he turned and gave her an expectant stare, she sighed "I'm wearing maternity jeans."

"Ok." He frowned, obviously not getting her point "What's wrong with maternity jeans?"

"I'm wearing maternity jeans….because my old jeans won't fit me anymore! I'm fat!"

"You're not fat!" he defended "You're pregnant."

She hardened her jaw and glared at him as the elevator doors opened to the OB floor, she stormed off and went to the front desk to check in, Derek took a moment to breath in and out slowly, this was not turning out to be a very good day despite that morning's activities.

"Psst!" he heard and turned to see Molly and Lexie hiding behind a corner

"What are you doing here?" he frowned "And why are you whispering?"

"We didn't want Meredith to see us in case she was in a bad mood."

"Has she been moody all week?" he asked

"No." Molly said "But we saw her wearing maternity jeans."

"What the hell is with maternity jeans anyway?" Derek scoffed "They're a pair of damn jeans."

Molly and Lexie looked at each other and snickered. "They should really offer a class on this."

"Totally." Molly said. "Meredith's body is changing, it's growing. She feels insecure and needs you to remind her constantly that she looks better than she thinks she does."

"Ok." Derek frowned "Like how?"

"Did you tell her she's beautiful this morning?"

"Well no." he frowned "But she already knows I think she looks beautiful."

"No she doesn't." Molly scoffed "Always, ALWAYS tell her she's beautiful, first thing in the morning."

"But what if I'm tired." He said, they looked at each other and raised their brows "Ok, first thing in the morning…what else?"

"Take her old jeans to a tailor." Molly said. Derek raised his brow in confusion "Tell them to take out the seams as much as they can, it makes her feel better when she can still fit into her old jeans."

"It'll help her not feel so fat." Lexie added. Derek opened his mouth to protest "Trust me McDreamy, she feels fat. No matter how much you tell her she isn't."

"She has to know that it's all part of pregnancy." He said.

"She does." Molly nodded "But it doesn't mean she likes this part."

"Then why is she taking all her anger out on me?"

"Because you did this to her." Lexie laughed; Derek frowned "Well you did."

"Not unwillingly."

"No." Molly smirked "But you still did it to her."

"Shepherd!" they heard the nurse call out.

"Gotta go." Derek said before turning and hurrying off to follow Meredith and the ultrasound tech into a dark room.

"Where the hell did you go?" Meredith glared as she climbed up onto the table.

"Sorry I got caught up talking to someone."

"Are you ready?" the lady asked. Meredith sighed and nodded. She squirted some jelly on Meredith's bare belly and started rolling the wand around. After a few silent minutes she set the wand down and flashed a fake smile "I'll be back in a minute."

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing, I just need to go get the doctor."

"That's a load of bullshit!" Meredith muttered "Something is wrong and I demand to know what it is right now!"

The lady looked nervously at Derek who seemed just as irritated with the lack of information as Meredith and then back at her furious face.

"I just, I'm having a hard time finding the baby's heartbeat is all."

Meredith felt the wind knock out of her as the woman left the room. Her eyes burned and flooded with tears as she looked up at Derek who sat on the edge of the table and took her small hand into his.

"Oh god." Meredith squeaked "Oh god the baby."

"Shh." Derek tried to soothe her through his own fear "It'll be ok."

"But what if it's not." She sniffled "What if.."

"It's not." He said calmly "The baby is fine, the tech probably just doesn't know what she's doing."

"God Derek, I'm scared." She sniffled "I don't care about getting fat, I just want the baby to be ok."

"It will be." He said and brought her fingers to his lips to give her a soft kiss.

"Alright let's see what's going on." The doctor said as he walked into the room. He wasted no time doing the ultrasound himself "Meredith roll this way towards me."  
She did so, and he moved the wand around across her skin and breathed a sigh of relief as the room was filled with a beautiful whoosing sound.

"There it is." He smiled "Looks like she was just sleeping right up against the placenta."

"Oh good." Meredith breathed relief and then stopped and looked up at the doctor

"Did you say she?"

"Oh, oops." The doctor mumbled as he glanced at the pair "I'm sorry, did you not want to know?"

They looked at each other and after a second smiled. "We're having a girl?"

"Yes." The doctor nodded "And a very healthy one too."

"We're having a girl." Meredith giggled and cried at the same time, she looked up to see Derek staring at the screen with an awestruck smile spread across his lips "She already has you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?"

"Absolutely." He grinned.

"Just wait until she starts dating." Meredith giggled.

"Oh she's not going to date." Derek said matter of factly "In fact I think I'll go home right after this and put bars on her windows."

Meredith just giggled and thought, if the baby was anything like she was, bars wouldn't stop her. Derek smiled proudly and kissed her hand softly, a twinkle in his eyes told her that more of that would come later. They heard a knock on the door and looked up to see two heads peep in the opening.

"So, what's the verdict…boy or girl?" Lexie asked.

"Lex!" Molly scoffed "What matters is that it's healthy." She then turned to Meredith and smiled "But is it a healthy boy or a healthy girl?"

Derek and Meredith both laughed lightly and smiled.

"It's a girl!"


	27. I Got You Something

_Chapter 27: I Got You Something_

Maternity leave was hell, and it was only the first week. That or the fact that it was the beginning of August and all she could do was sit around in the heat of summer and wait to go into labor. Meredith flipped the page on the magazine she'd been reading and sighed. She was propped up against the arm of the couch with her legs spread out across it.

She kept glancing up at the clock, but it seemed to move ever so slowly. Derek had gone out to run some errands, but she refused to go with him. Walking, or waddling more appropriately, was becoming a chore these days. And going out 'into' was not a good idea. They'd finished the nursery the prior week, so she was left with nothing to accomplish. They were ready for the baby to come, whenever it was that she decided to make her arrival.

She heard the front door open and looked up to see Derek walking and smile at her. "Hello Gorgeous."

"Hello yourself." She rolled her eyes; she was feeling anything but gorgeous. "Did you get it all done already?"

"And then some." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her "I have something to show you."

"Does it require me moving?" she asked.

"Yes, is that a problem."

"It'll take a few minutes." Meredith sighed as she set the magazine down, she felt a pair of arms slide underneath her and she was scooped up off the couch with ease "Or that works."

"Thought so." He chuckled.

He carried her outside and set her on the grass under the shade tree in the front yard, he pointed to the driveway.

"What am I looking for?" she frowned.

"Notice anything new?"

"Where's my jeep?" she said when she saw something else in it's place. "And what is that thing?"

"That is an Audi Q7 and it's your jeep's replacement."

"But there was nothing wrong with my jeep." She scoffed "Poor jeep, it's feelings are hurt."

"Your jeep had a lot of miles on it." Derek argued "I'd prefer you be in something more reliable when I'm not here."

"Not here?" her brow arched "When are you not going to be here?"

"I'm in the Army babe." He laughed nervously "Who knows when I'll be called away."

"Derek." She said with a stern glare to her voice. He gulped.

"I have to go back to Georgia for a two week training."

"When."

"August 20th to September 6th." He cringed; Meredith let out a whooping gasp.

"Are you out of your god forsaken mind!" she screamed "The baby is due September 1st! You promised me Derek!"

"I know, I know." He cringed still "And the second you feel a twinge I'll be on a plane back. If you feel a twinge at all, most babies are really late anyway."

"You'd better hope on your life that you're right Derek Shepherd!" she muttered "If I have to go through labor all alone.."

"You won't!" he cut her off "I promise, I promised you that you wouldn't and I'm standing by that."

She stared at him skeptically for a moment and let out a cleansing breath "Ok."

"So what do you think about the car?" he asked.

"I'm thinking I don't like getting gifts from you when I always get bad news to follow it." She said, he let out a sigh as if to say that he can never win, she rolled her eyes "It's a very nice car, thank you."


	28. Braxton Hicks or Labor?

_Chapter 28: Braxton Hicks or Labor?_

Meredith heard the doorbell ring and groaned as she slowly sat up from where she laid on the couch. She smoothed her hand over her hard belly and slowly stood up. She'd been having Braxton hicks contractions for over two days now and they were getting annoying. They weren't really getting stronger nor going anywhere, but she was glad because she was bound and determined to wait until Derek got home until she went into labor. Only two more days, she reminded herself.

"What!" she muttered after flinging the door open to see Lexie and Molly standing there holding coffee's and a bag of donuts.

"Hey, nice to see you too." Lexie frowned as she stepped in the door, followed by Molly "Need something sweet to change that sour attitude of yours?"

"What Lexie means and so rudely put is." Molly intervened "is hey, nice to see you. Would you like a donut?"

"Thanks." Meredith moaned "But I'll just stick to water."

"Wow," Molly laughed lightly "a pregnant woman turning down a donut? Something's wrong with you."

"No, she's just in labor." Lexie said with a mouthful already.

"I'm not." Meredith said as she walked into the kitchen to get a refill "I'm just having these stupid Braxton hicks and they're so freaking annoying! And Derek isn't back yet, and I just want to scream I'm so irritated!"

"Sounds like labor to me." Lexie shrugged.

"Ignore her." Molly scoffed "You need to just relax and breathe. You're not going into labor yet."

"Thank you."

"Oh but she is going into labor." Lexie said.

"Why in the hell do you seem to insist that I am going into labor, I think I would KNOW if I was in labor!"

"For one, Derek is gone." Lexie said taking another bite "Two, it's Labor Day, and only YOU would go into labor on labor day. And three… because I said so, and Molly dear you're forgetting I totally called when you went into labor with Laura. So yeah, you're going to have a baby today."

Meredith narrowed her eyes and then glanced at Molly who let out a defeated sigh.

"She has a point." Molly said through her teeth "Are your Braxton hicks going away?"

"I wish." Meredith scoffed "I keep drinking lots of water and laying down like the doctor said, it helps a little, but they always come back…they're not painful really, I think I'd know if it were a real contraction." Molly and Lexie exchanged a glance "What?"

"Molly we should probably get a hold of Derek soon."

"Yeah, he's got to get a flight out from Georgia."

"What the hell are you talking about!" Meredith snapped "I am NOT going into…" Meredith felt a sharp pain radiate through her abdomen and gasped as she felt a gush of fluid splash between her feet and onto the floor, she looked down at the puddle she was now standing in "Labor.."

* * *

"Are you going to be able to concentrate doctor?" the man yelled over the loud thundering beats of the helicopter blades.

"Yes." Derek yelled out "I'm fine."

"You seem a little distracted." The man called back "You need to concentrate, you're almost done."

"I'm sorry, I'll concentrate. I promise."

"Alright!" the man said and signaled to the pilot to take off.

* * *

"Yes, yes I understand this is an emergency but he's not here right now." The secretary said into the phone "Well it'll just have to wait until he gets back..I…no you…we can't..I.." the young man nodded and then sighed "Ok I will go do everything I can to get him back here. You're wel—" click. "What a bitch."

"What was that all about?" the sergeant asked as he came out of his office.

"There's an irate woman calling every five minutes sir. She is demanding that Doctor Shepherd return home immediately."

"What's the emergency?"

"She said something about his wife going into labor."

"Well get the man home private!" the sergeant yelped "He said this might happen."

"I know sir but—"

"For god sakes if I have to do it myself!" the man yelled and grabbed the phone "Where is Doctor Shepherd?"

"He just left in the chopper for field training sir."

"Jesus Christ."

"What should I do sir?" the private gulped "What can we do?"

"Pray that his wife doesn't labor quickly."

* * *

**What are your thoughts?**


	29. Ophelia Grace Shepherd

_Chapter 29: Ophelia Grace Shepherd_

"Breathe, breathe, breathe." Molly chanted as she wiped a cool cloth across Meredith's forehead.

"Where is he!" she growled through clenched teeth.

"You know, you wouldn't be so irritable if you would just listen to me and get the epidural." Lexie moaned "But YOU'RE the one in pain…"

"I know I'm in pain!" Meredith hissed "Where is my fucking husband!"

"Ok calm down." Molly sung "Calming breaths, we're being calm and cool and collected, we can do this."

"Where is Derek!" Meredith ignored her. "Where is HE!"

"I don't know." Lexie sighed "I called and harassed and threatened to throw a grenade in the guy's pants, but they can't seem to find him either." Lexie took Meredith's free hand and tried to look sympathetic "But I promise you that they are trying VERY hard to find him."

"Ok, let's see where we're at!" Dr. Mallard said as she waltzed in the room.

"No." Meredith mumbled as tears sprung from her eyes "No, he is not going to miss this! He promised me he wouldn't! And he needs to be here right now! I have been at this for eight hours! My god I could be pushing any minute!" They heard the doctor snicker to herself at the end of the bed, they all looked down at her as she snapped her gloves off "What?"

"I wouldn't be too worried dear." She smiled "You're only five centimeters."

"FIVE!" Meredith gasped "That's it! Does that mean that I've got another eight hours of this crap!"

Dr. Mallard just smiled through her teeth "Call me if you change your mind on pain medication."

"Epidural." Lexie coughed as she sat down in the chair next to Meredith's bed.

"I'm not getting the stupid epidural." Meredith glared "It's bad for the baby, and it raises the risk for a c-section and I'm the surgeon, I'm the one cutting people open, not the other way around and…" she tightened her jaw as another contraction ripped through her abdomen "OOWWWEEE! Son of a bitch! WHERE IS HE!"

"Right here!" they heard in the doorway and all heads whipped up to see a tall dark haired man in uniform rushing through the door, Molly quickly moved out of the way so he could take her place, Meredith's eyes filled with tears again as he took her hand and kissed her forehead "I'm sorry I almost broke my promise."

"You're here." She squeaked out "I'm not imagining things."

"No." he chuckled "You're not imagining things."

She narrowed her eyes and reached up and yanked the collar of his shirt with an iron grasp as she spoke through her teeth "Then help me fucking focus here!"

"Ok!" he gasped "I see your sisters haven't talked you out of your natural birth plan?"

"NO!" she growled.

"Alright then." He said calmly and unclenched her fingers from his shirt collar, he softly started stroking her hand "Close your eyes, breathe slowly, it'll be over in two seconds."

Derek coached her breathing until the contraction was over and she opened her eyes and looked at him relieved.

"I'm glad you made it." She mumbled.

"I am too." He smiled "I was terrified I would be too late."

"Oh, here comes another one!" Molly said. Derek looked up at the monitor as a contraction was starting to peak "Man they're getting close!"

"Ok Mer, close your eyes and breathe." Derek said calmly "Breathe, breathe."

"OWWEE!" Meredith gasped "Owe! Owe! Owe! It's burning!"

"It's burning?" Derek frowned "What's burning?"

"IT…is burning." Meredith said through her teeth.

"Oh boy, ok um." Molly panicked and hit the call button "We need Dr. Mallard in here now!"

"What does it mean?" Derek asked, "What's happening."

"The baby is coming genius!" Lexie scoffed

The doctor came flying in a second later "What are you feeling Meredith? I just checked you."

"It's burning." Meredith gasped as she tried to breathe deeply "It hurts!"

The doctor lifted the blanket and gasped "Oh alright, it's baby time!" she pulled some gloves on and sat down on the end of the bed "Alright this won't take long just one nice push."

Meredith grunted a little as she started to bear down and felt the pain intensify so she gasped and laid back "Oh my god that hurts!"

"It'll be over quick Meredith." Dr. Mallard said "Just one big push."

"No." Meredith shook her head "No I don't want to do that again, it hurts too much."

"Mer baby," Derek soothed "It'll be over quick you just have to do what the doctor says."

"No." she shook her head and started to cry "No I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to do it. I want the epidural, just give me the damn epidural!"

Derek choked a little, not wanting to see her in pain either he turned to the doctor "Can she get the epidural?"

"It's too late, she just needs to push and it'll all be over."

"No, no I'm not going to push." Meredith shook her head and sniffled "I want the fucking epidural now!"

"Meredith." Derek breathed out and placed both hands on the sides of her face, forcing her to look at him through her tears "This is what you wanted, this is what you planned. Baby you are so very strong, and beautiful and you are not a quitter. It'll be over in a second if you just push, so push!"

Meredith took a deep breath and nodded, she pressed her lips together and grunted hard as she pushed down and tried to push through the pain.

"Just one more, tiny push Meredith!" the doctor encouraged.

Meredith gasped down another breath and pushed again through the pain. She felt almost instant relief as they heard a suctioning sound and then a tiny little cry that filled the room. She opened her eyes as Dr. Mallard placed the baby on her chest and she burst into tears immediately. Derek leaned in and kissed her, she felt moisture on his cheeks as he leaned over and kissed the gooey crying baby.

"You did it!" Derek grinned "Meredith it's over, you did it."

"Oh god Derek." She cried "She's so beautiful… it's still a she right?"

Derek chuckled as he leaned over and looked, then grinned "It's definitely a girl." He smiled and placed a soft kiss on the baby's head full of matted down hair "A beautiful, beautiful girl."

* * *

Derek's eyes flew open at the sound of a whimper coming from the baby monitor next to the bed, resting on his nightstand. He didn't hesitate in slipping out of bed so his tired wife could sleep. He crept across the hall and went into the nursery. He flipped the lamp on and looked down in the crib to see the two week old newborn looking up at him as she flailed her arms around in the air as if not sure what to do with them.

She was absolutely beautiful, her head full of soft brown curls and bright blue eyes had him falling in love with her more and more each time he saw her. They chose to name her Ophelia, meaning help and to be to be fond of. Her middle name was Grace because of her beauty. Ophelia Grace was a gift from heaven, and only two weeks old, so many people were so in love with her. Her face puckered and she let out another whimpered cry.

"What's wrong Lia Grace?" Derek crooned as he lifted her up to his shoulder and rocked her, she let out a cracking irritated cry and rested her lips against his collar bone and started to suck "Hungry baby?"

Derek walked downstairs to the kitchen with her in tow and tried to rock her and sooth her with a pacifier but she was getting irritated. He grabbed a bottle of expressed breast milk that Meredith had pumped and put it in the bottle warmer on the counter. He waited for it to get warm and looked down and smiled at the little eyes looking up at him. Her forehead creased for a moment and then she spit out the pacifier, it hit the floor and skittered across the room as she let out a wailing cry of impatience.

"Hold on a second baby." He soothed as he rocked her some more "Daddy can't give it to you on demand like Mommy can, two more seconds."

She wailed again as if to say 'hurry up!', he took the bottle out of the bottle warmer and tested the temperature on his wrist. It was luke warm and he breathed a sigh of relief as he placed the nipple in her open mouth. She stopped crying immediately and her eyes rolled back as she started to drink her milk. He smiled with accomplishment and walked back up the stairs and into her room then sat down in the rocking chair.

"There you go Lia." He smiled affectionately at her "See, it takes Daddy a little while longer but eventually we get it together."

She sucked and gulped and made cute little baby grunting noises as she finished off her bottle. He put a cloth diaper over his shoulder and then slung her over it and gently patted and rubbed her back until he heard a little belch and the 'hollow' sound when he tapped her back was gone. He pulled her gently back into his arms and smiled down at her.

"Feel better baby?" he asked. Then to his surprise her lips pulled back into a tiny smile, his did the same "Are you smiling at Daddy? Such a pretty little smile!"

A second later he heard what sounded like her filling her diaper and chuckled, maybe it was gas, but she did have a pretty smile. He got up and changed her diaper and then bounced her softly as he walked across the hallway and into his bedroom where Meredith was stirring, she looked up and saw him sit down on the bed with a little bundle in his arms.

"Hey," she said "why didn't you wake me?"

"Because you looked tired." He said placing the baby in between them and laying down on his side "And you need your rest."

"Thank you." She smiled then leaned over and kissed her daughter softly on the cheek "You can't leave her here all night Derek, it could be dangerous, and if we make it a habit we might never get her out of our bed."

"I won't." he rolled his eyes, his wife was a living walking baby book these days "I'll put her back right before I go to sleep. She wanted to see her mommy."

"I wanted to see her too." She smiled and caressed her little cheek.

"She has a pretty smile."

"She smiled at you?" Meredith gasped with surprise.

"Well, I don't know if it was gas or an actual smile." He chuckled "but it was pretty."

"I'm sure it was." Meredith swooned and stared down at the baby "Oh god Derek, I don't want to ever leave her. I wish I could just stay here and watch her grow, just forget about being a doctor and be a mommy."

"Well it's up to you." He said, "We can certainly afford it." She nodded and silently thought about it "You know we should probably get a solid life insurance policy started soon. I want you and Annabelle covered if anything were to happen to me."

"Derek!" she hissed "We're celebrating birth still, I don't want to talk about death or anyone dying. Especially not you! Don't you dare."

"Darling, I just want it to be a precaution." He assured her "I fully intend on dying when I'm a hundred and ten, in your arms."

He leaned over the baby and kissed her softly, sealing his reassurance. They both relaxed and stared at their baby girl as she started to drift off to sleep.


	30. Maternity Leave is Over

_Chapter 30: Maternity Leave is Over_

**_About a Year Later_**

"I can't believe that my maternity leave is over tomorrow." Meredith sighed as she chopped some tomatoes for a salad to go with dinner.

"You took a freaking year of maternity leave Meredith!" Lexie scoffed as she shoved a slice in her mouth, Meredith glared at her.

"I was enjoying my baby ok." Meredith glared "And I don't regret one bit of it."

"Yeah well just so you know you'll be a year behind me and Molly."

"I still don't regret it." Meredith shrugged "How is Laura doing?"

"She's healthy as can be thanks to little Miss Ophelia." She cooed at the little girl who was sitting in her highchair munching on cheerio's. "God Meredith, I don't know how you can stand it."

"Stand what?"

"Stand living the perfect little life you have." Lexie said, "You've got a gorgeous husband, a huge house in suburbia, and the most beautiful baby in the world."

"That's a little bold." Meredith frowned "You can't show favoritism of one niece over another."

"Hey, even Molly admits your baby makes hers look bad." Lexie mumbled; Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm just grateful for what I have." She shrugged "And yes I seem to have it all but it's just how life happened for me." Meredith looked up and Lexie wasn't paying attention to a word she was saying but instead was playing with the baby, she laughed to herself "So when are you going to take the pressure off of me and Molly and have one of your own?"

"Right after you have your fifth baby." Lexie said in a sweet baby voice.

"Not going to happen!" Meredith muttered.

"Exactly." Lexie grinned "So, is natural birth all it's cracked up to be?"

"The labor part was a piece of cake." Meredith said, "It was the pushing, burning, feeling as if I were being ripped in half part I could have done without."

"Yeah, if I ever get an itch to have a kid I'm adopting."

"That's not fun!" Meredith laughed.

"So what's Derek doing tonight?"

"He'll be here for dinner." Meredith said, "he's at some stupid Army thing right now."

"Stupid Army? I thought you were ok with the Army?"

"I am." Meredith sighed, "but it's been almost a year since he's had to go somewhere, and it makes me nervous. I feel like any minute they're going to call and take him away."

"Well he's not gone yet, so enjoy it, bask in it, and quit complaining your life is perfect!" Lexie sighed "I have to go to work, love you guys."

"Love you too Lex."

Lexie kissed the baby and then walked to the front door, as she let herself out Derek walked in holding a small furry creature. Lexie rolled her eyes and muttered another perfection remark before storming to her car.

"Hey baby!" Derek swooned and walked into the kitchen and kissed Ophelia.

"Dada!" she squealed and clapped her hands, she puckered her lips the best she knew how and Derek laughed and leaned in and kissed her again.

He then turned and smiled at Meredith who was grinning as she watched the interaction he had with his daughter. He walked over and took her into his arms and pulled her into a deep kiss.

"Hello to you too." He smiled.

"Hi." She said, "how was your day?"

"It was pretty good." He said "I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?" she asked and turned around when she heard something run across the kitchen floor and gasped "A puppy!" she knelt down and scooped up the adorable little dog "Oh I always wanted a puppy!"

"I know." He grinned and pet the dog who was getting showered with attention. He looked over to see Ophelia studying the interaction between her mother and the pet in her arms and then looked at Derek and glared at him with a 'how dare you' kind of look, he laughed and walked over to her and scooped her out of the highchair and kissed and hugged her "Don't worry baby, you won't be forgotten."

"No she won't!" Meredith giggled and walked over to show Ophelia the dog "Look honey, it's a puppy."

Ophelia looked at the furry creature, it wagged its tail and let out a little 'yippy' bark, Ophelia cowered back and buried her head into Derek's shoulder and made a whining noise.

"It's ok baby." Derek laughed "it's just a puppy dog."

"What kind of dog is it? What's her name?"

"She is a golden retriever." He smiled "And she doesn't have a name yet. I just picked her up from the breeder today, I figured you could use the extra company."

Meredith's excitement and smile faded into a stern look of anger. She turned and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and let the dog down. She then proceeded to pick up Lia's toys, throwing and slamming things as she went.

"Meredith?" Derek asked cautiously as he walked into the room "What's wrong babe?"

"So. where is it this time Derek?" she snapped

"Where is what?" he gulped.

"Where they're sending you!" she muttered "You always bring me home a present of some sort when you're about to tell me something big that I don't want to hear. So where is it? Where are you going!"

Derek gulped. He wished that he didn't have a reason, and he wished that he didn't have to tell her, but she knew, he could see in the white of her eyes that even he couldn't pull the wool over her eyes.

"Afghanistan." He mumbled. She sucked in a harsh gasp as her eyes bulged.

"Meredith.."

"How fucking dare you Derek!" She screamed "And take it back, I don't want the fucking dog!"

"Mer, baby…" he tried to sooth her, but she stormed out of the room and up the stairs, her cries already echoing the house. He felt about two feet tall and sighed.

"Mama?" Ophelia mumbled as her eyes followed her mother, as if she knew that something was wrong. He felt even worse.

"Hang on baby." He said, he put her in her walker and kissed the top of her head "Be good for Daddy, I'll be right back."

He turned and skipped up the stairs, following his wife's cries and found her face down on the bed, shaking with sobs. He sighed and walked over to her and sat down next to where she laid. He reached out and smoothed a hand up and down her back.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not!" she cried. "this was part of the plan, you're not sorry that you're doing what you love."

"I'm sorry that it's hurting you." He said. She sniffled and turned her head to look up at him "I don't want to hurt you Meredith."

"Then find another dream." She muttered "Because mine includes you, all of you for the rest of my life!"

"You will have me for the rest of your life."

"Maybe not!" she hissed "Not with you going to a fucking war Derek!"

"I'm a doctor Meredith, that's where the patients are. I have to go, I have to help people."

"Fine, fucking go! Good riddance!"

"Don't say that baby." He said softly, he rubbed his hand up and down her back as she burst into tears again, she moved towards him and he pulled her into his arms.  
"I'm scared Derek." She whispered.

"Don't be." He whispered and kissed her forehead "Nothing will happen to me, and no matter what I'll always find a way to come back to you."

"Promise?" she sniffled.

"I promise."

She cried still, trying to stop but she was terrified. They heard a loud giggling noise coming from downstairs and realized they left the baby down there. They gasped and hopped up and raced down the stairs. They stopped and smiled when they saw the puppy licking Ophelia on the cheek, making her giggle and laugh.

"Maybe we should keep the dog." Meredith smiled.

"Maybe we should." He agreed. Ophelia let out a trail of laughter again and clapped.

"Puppy!"

* * *

**What do you think of the way that Derek told Meredith that her was being deployed? How you think Meredith has a right to tell Derek to find another dream?**


	31. Military Ball

_Chapter 31: Military Ball _

Meredith stood in her bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror. It was the night of the military ball, a night of fun before shipping them off to a dangerous territory that some wouldn't return from. She'd had three months to prepare herself and her family for this, but it seemed that it didn't feel any easier. Her hair was still in hot curlers and her bathrobe still wrapped around her as she tried to fight away the tears yet again from ruining her makeup. She heard a light rapping knock on the door.

"Meredith?" Derek called out "Baby are you ready?"

"Not yet." She called, trying to steady her voice and wipe her eyes.

"We're going to be late." He sighed with annoyance.

"Then go on without me." She said "I'll take a cab."

"I'd rather us go together."

"Well I'm not ready!" she snapped, and then sighed at the unwanted hostility in her voice "Look I won't be long, just go on without me and I'll find my way to you."

"Alright." He said reluctantly "I love you."

"I love you too."

She placed her hands on the edge of the sink and breathed deeply as she tried to compose herself and trying to stifle the heartbreak that she was feeling. She heard another knock on the door a minute later and sighed with irritation.

"Derek! I told you to leave already!"

"It's just me." She heard in a soft voice and gasped to herself, it was Carolyn, Derek's sweet mother who'd come over with Mike to watch Ophelia while they enjoyed a night of dancing and fun "May I come in."

"Um, yes." She mumbled and turned to open the door for the woman "Sorry."

"It's completely understandable." She smiled and reached up, brushing the tears out of Meredith's eyes "Having trouble?"

"I'm just taking my time getting ready is all." Meredith lied.

"I didn't mean trouble with getting ready." She said. Meredith gulped and looked at her "No one expects you to be a saint Meredith." She smiled "I know, I've been there."

"How did you do it." Her voice broke "how did you keep it all together with your heart halfway across the world?"

"You don't." she said "You are human, and you can't expect to hold yourself together all the time. That would be exhausting. You just pick and choose your moments to be strong and let the rest come as it does."

"Moments?"

"Yes." Carolyn smiled "Like when Ophelia is awake, she doesn't want to see you falling apart. Or like tonight, do you think Derek wants to see you fall apart the night before he leaves?"

"No." Meredith mumbled.

"So, you stay strong, and be positive….he'll come home, Derek is a strong, smart man. You'll miss him terribly but don't worry, he'll be back."

"You're right." She sniffled

"Now, lets get Cinderella ready for the ball."

* * *

Meredith took a taxicab to the center where the ball was being held, paid the cab driver and took her time getting inside. She wore a black dress with a cream and black fitted bodice, with no straps. Her hair was long and curled softly. She felt a few heads turn her way as she walked into the room and scanned for the man she was looking for, the man she needed more than anything.

She felt an arm wrap around her waist from behind and smiled at the familiar warmth.

"Excuse me," he whispered "have you seen my wife?"

"You're wife?" she smirked "Sorry, I haven't seen her."

"Hmm." He mumbled into her hair "I guess I'll have to spend the evening with you then."

She turned around in his arm and smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck "I hope that won't be a disappointment to you."

"Not even in the slightest." He said as he took her hand and began to dance with her "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She smiled "Very kind of you to speak so highly of a perfect stranger."

"Are you a perfect stranger?" he asked "I believe we've met once before."

"Oh?" she raised a brow "Where would that have been."

"Paris." He smiled, "Don't you remember…. Sacha?"

Meredith burst into giggles; she couldn't believe he still remembered that phony little name she gave him when she tried to gently blow him off. It was a sobering thought, that at one point in time she tried to get rid of the man she could now not imagine herself living without. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and rested her head against his shoulder, closed her eyes and breathed his scent in.

"I'm going to miss you." She whispered.

"I'll miss you too." He mumbled and kissed the top of her head "Maybe we should get out of here?"

"But I just got here." She frowned and leaned back to look at him.

"I know." He smiled "And you're easily the most beautiful woman in this room….but I can think of better ways to spend the night than dancing in a room full of people."

A wide grin spread across Meredith's face.

"Let's go."


	32. Not Us

_Chapter 32: Not Us_

Meredith started to stir a little but didn't want to open her eyes just yet. But she felt it again, and again, the swift little nudges and punches against her stomach by two tiny little feet. She sighed with defeat and slowly opened her eyes. She saw a head full of brown curls laying against the other pillows, her teeth were clenched down on the nipple of her bottle as she grinned at Meredith.

"Are you trying to tell me it's time to get up?" she asked.

"Up! Up!" the toddler giggled.

"No up." Meredith laughed as she grabbed her little feet and started to tickle them. Ophelia thrashed around as she laughed and fought her mother.

Meredith pulled her into a tight smothering hug and kissed the top of her soft curls. Ophelia was what kept her going, it's what got her to get up out of bed in the morning. She loved waking up at the hand of Ophelia. But this morning she had more reason to smile and play with her daughter. For the first time in eight months she woke up happy.

"Daddy's coming home tomorrow." She whispered.

"Daddy!" Annabelle grinned.

_"Hey baby." Derek said in a monotone voice over the phone._

_"Hey." She said, "You sound upset, what's wrong?"_

_"I miss you." He said, "And I just, I don't know that I can do this anymore."_

_"What do you mean?" she asked_

_"These men are my friends Mer." His voice broke "I love the work, I love saving honest to goodness trauma victims, but these men are my friends. They're not just patients. They're friends."_

_"I'm sorry Derek." She mumbled sympathetically "What are you going to do."_

_"I've asked for leave. And I've asked to be placed somewhere else. They granted it to me, I'm coming home."_

_"Really?" her voice is the one that broke this time "When?"_

_"Next Thursday, I'll be in your arms."_

_"That sounds amazing." Meredith breathed "But I think you need to tell someone else too."_

_"Is she there?" he smiled._

_"Dada?" he heard into the phone._

_"Hi baby girl." He grinned_

_"Daddy!" she squealed "Daddy come home?"_

_"Yes baby." He smiled "Daddy's coming home."_

"Daddy home!" Ophelia squealed. They heard the doorbell ring and Lia's face lit up "Gamma!"

Meredith laughed as she wiggled free and slid off the bed then bobbled and ran out the door. Meredith got up quickly and followed her to the door just in time to see Ophelia open the door for Carolyn. Ever since Derek left Carolyn came over every Wednesday to help Meredith. She would take Ophelia off her hands so Meredith could relax or get out of the house and have some alone time.

"Gamma!" Ophelia squealed as she dropped her bottle on the floor and shot her arms up into the air.

"Hello Ophelia." Carolyn laughed as she scooped the baby up and kissed her cheek "How are my girls this morning?"

"Daddy home! Daddy home!" Lia clapped.

"Yeah!" Carolyn grinned "Daddy will be home soon." She looked at Meredith and smiled "Have you heard from him?"

"Not yet." She said, "Not since he was on his way to the airport."

"Well I'm sure he's just busy trying to get to us."

"Gamma, spider! Gamma, spider!" Ophelia wiggled.

"Ophelia." Meredith said, "What do you say?"

"Peassssse!" Ophelia whined.

"Ok." Carolyn giggled as she put the baby down "I'll put Miss Spider on for you." Carolyn went to the TV and put on the cartoon "I'm sorry I showed up so early this week."

"It's perfectly fine." Meredith said, "We were just being a little lazy this morning."

"There's nothing wrong with that." Carolyn smiled, Meredith nodded, but a sudden sadness still lingered in her eyes "It doesn't get any better when it gets closer."

"No." Meredith said blinking back some tears "It feels worse."

"Twenty-four hours." Carolyn smiled "Twenty-four more hours and you don't have to force yourself to breathe." She hugged Meredith "Why don't you go take a nice hot shower dear, I'll get Ophelia dressed."

"Ok." Meredith nodded "Thank you."

She went upstairs and took a long hot shower, taking her time and letting the hot water relax her sore muscles that stress had knotted up. She got dressed and dried her hair as she tried to decide what she wanted to do with the day. She went downstairs and saw Ophelia dressed, hair pulled back into a bow and sitting in front of the TV with a bottle of juice while she watched Max & Ruby. Meredith smiled at her baby and turned to walk into the kitchen where Georgia was making lunch. She saw her mother in-law glance at something out the window and then in slow motion it seemed, her arms relaxed to her side, going limp. An egg rolled out of her hand and splat against the floor and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Carolyn?" Meredith mumbled cautiously.

"Not us." She whispered under her breath and turned to look at Meredith terrified "Not us!"

Meredith frowned, trying to figure out what she was saying. Ophelia came stumbling into the kitchen with her empty bottle and saw the egg on the floor, she squatted down next to it and looked up at Carolyn.

"Gamma, mess!" she pointed and stuck her finger into the good.

"Oh Ophelia." Carolyn sniffled "No baby."

She scooped her up and turned to wash her fingers in the sink, Meredith gulped as she tried to dare herself into asking what was wrong with Carolyn, then the doorbell rang. Meredith jumped and felt a low deep sinking feeling in her gut as her and Carolyn shared a glance. Meredith sucked in a deep breath and turned to answer the door, she noticed a car outside the window, parked at the curb. It was black with army plates. It must have been what Carolyn saw. She opened the door and saw two large men on her doorstep with solemn expressions, one of them had an envelope.

"Mrs. Derek Shepherd?" the older one asked.

"Yes." Meredith gulped and tried to keep her voice steady "How can I Help you?"

He reached out and handed her the large yellow envelope. "I'm sorry Ma'am."

"Sorry for what." She glared, her eyes burning with tears "What is this?"

"With our deepest sympathy ma'am we regret to.." he stopped as a small cold white hand slapped across his face, the younger man gasped silently as they both looked at her in shock.

"Spare me the fucking speech!"

"Ma'am?" the man mumbled as he cleared his throat to compose himself "I'm sorry, I hate doing this part."

"Where's my husband." She gritted through her teeth. "He's on his way home, nothing could have happened to him, so I demand you tell me where he is!"

"The convoy taking him to the airport was attacked." The younger man said "I'm sorry but there were no survivors. We're still trying to locate his remains, but we found his dog tags on scene." He took a breath and let her digest the information "I'm sorry ma'am, but your husband is dead."

Meredith stood there and felt her body slump against the doorway for support to hold her up. She stared blankly out the window as the men tried to politely leave but when they couldn't get anything out of her, they just turned and walked off. How nice it must have been to be able to shatter someone's world and then go back to work as if life went on…. the only sound she heard was the beating of her own heart and the slow deep cracks as it broke.


	33. The Funeral

_Chapter 33: The Funeral_

For the next week Meredith was numb, she felt like a robot, just carrying out the motions. She laid in bed for eight hours, not able to sleep. She got up and changed her clothes, she ate what her friends and family forced her to eat, and she cuddled with Ophelia…and she planned a funeral.

She knew that someday she would have to plan one…for her aunt Susan, for her in-laws, but never for her husband. Not after two years of marriage. She tried to stay strong around Ophelia, but it was only until she would keep asking "Where's Daddy?" before it started to eat away the shield of numbness that she was using to keep herself focused and together. She was glad when the day of the funeral arrived, she was tired of looking and flowers and trying to pick a display, she was tired to looking at hymnals and poems and wording for programs.

Finally, the day arrived and she got out of bed and managed to take a shower. She put on a simple black dress and tried to put a little make up on, mostly just to cover the deep dark circles under her eyes. She helped Ophelia get dressed, she wore a black and white plaid dress. She brushed her beautiful brown curls into a bow.

"Mama, sad?" she asked, Meredith gulped at the knot that instantly formed in her throat

"Yes honey." She mumbled "Mama's sad."

"Why Mama?" she asked, "Why my Mama sad?"

Meredith choked a little as she thought about it. There was no way to really make a two-year-old understand why she was so sad, and why she would never see her daddy again. She took a deep breath and kissed her daughter on the top of the head.

"Mama's sad because Daddy went to heaven."

"But heaven good." She frowned.

"I know." Meredith smiled softly "But Daddy has to stay in heaven, we can't see him again."

Ophelia seemed to softly understand. Her mouth pouted a little, but she turned and looked at something else, she walked across the room and picked up her pink bunny rabbit. She held it out to Meredith as she walked towards her.

"Give Daddy." Ophelia said, "Daddy remember us."

Meredith sniffled a little. The pink bunny was Ophelia's favorite object of her affection since she was six months old. She couldn't go more than a mile away from the house without it, and there was no way she would rest at night without feeling it in her tiny arms.

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked.

"Uh-huh." She nodded "Daddy need it more."

"But what will you sleep with?"

"You Mama." She said and reached up and touched Meredith's cheek "I sleep with Mama."

Meredith smiled and picked Ophelia up, she met Susan downstairs and they left together to go to the graveside service. Meredith fought hard against tears as they pulled up and saw a gathering of people around a casket on the grass, an American flag draped beautifully over the mahogany coffin. Meredith got out of the car and Susan got Ophelia, they then went to join the group. She was greeted by her in-laws and given tight embraces by them as well as all family members and friends. She took a stance in the front row as the priest started speaking. She was starting to feel weak, or the weakness win out. In times like this she needed Derek to lean on, he made her strong, but he wasn't there anymore. He wasn't really in the casket either. They were unable to really find the remains of any one person so all that filled it was artifacts of his life, things he loved, things he enjoyed, things that made him…him.

The priest went on, talking about what a good life Derek lived. What an honor and duty it was to serve his country and unfortunate that it asked for his life but that he gave it whole heartedly. He talked about the afterlife and how Derek was in a better place now. Meredith felt something soft hit her in the face and looked down to see Ophelia pick up her pink bunny and then toss it up in the air again. Meredith knelt down to her.

"Honey, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Trying to give Bunny to Daddy." She said softly. "I no throw high nuff."

"Well, Daddy is a long ways up honey."

"He can catch good." Ophelia said.

Meredith smiled and saw that they were about to do the 21-gun salute. She reached over and covered Annabelle's ears and the guns went off just as she tossed her bunny high into the air. Annabelle jumped and glared at the gunmen for their startlement on her, she looked around for her bunny and then looked up and saw no bunny.

Annabelle gasped as she squinted into the bright sky "Daddy caught it."

Meredith looked up and saw a tiny bit of pink sticking out from on top of the awning creating the funeral shade and pressed her lips together.

"Yes honey." She smiled "Because Daddy's a good catch."

Ophelia looked a little sad, she loved that bunny almost as much as her Daddy, but she was glad that he had it. Meredith stood up but held tightly to her baby's hand as the funeral finished up. They began playing The Battle Is Over on bagpipes… She felt a few squeezes on her shoulder as some people started to leave. Meredith stared at the casket as the military officers started folding up the American flag. Once it was in a small triangle, they turned and stood in front of her.

"Ma'am." He mumbled "I'm so sorry."

He placed the flag in her hands, and she let out a whooping gasp and her breath started to shake. She nodded in thanks, but tears flooded her eyes and her lips trembled. This was it; this was the last part of Derek that she would ever receive. She squeezed her fingers around the flag and started to sob.

"No." she cried and felt Mike reach out and hold her up for support as her body started to go limp under the pressure of her emotions "No Derek, no!"

Her shield of numbness dissolved and she was left to feel the full impact of her heartache, feeling as if it would kill her. And deep down inside, she really hoped it would.


	34. Is it Time to Move On?

_Chapter 34: Is it Time to Move On?_

**_One Year Later_**

Meredith seemed to wake up every morning breathing, and that surprised her. She would get up, and get Ophelia dressed for a day with her Grandma, and then go to work where she could be distracted by other people's problems. Derek's parents were happy to spend time with their granddaughter on a daily basis, they were laughing again. The sympathy cards quit coming, and Ophelia stopped asking when Daddy was coming back. Life was moving forward, but she was nowhere near wanting to move on.

There was a small table in the corner of the living room, it had a dark blue tablecloth over it. And on it were pictures of Derek, his army picture, him holding Ophelia for the first time, a wedding picture, and a goofy one they took in France when they met. His dog tags were slung over one of the pictures and in the middle was an alter candle that she lit every night. No one was allowed to touch that table, not even Ophelia.

Some people, after a while, suggested it might be too much. That she was unhealthy to hang on to it. But she refused and told them if it made them uncomfortable to look at it then don't come over. Ophelia's bedtime stories were picture books of her Daddy, with each picture Meredith told her the story behind it. Ophelia loved it, she refused to have any other kind of story to put her to sleep other then when Mommy had to work late and she had a baby sitter.

When Ophelia was soft asleep at night, and she was done with work, her thoughts were left alone with her to haunt. Luckily though, there was Lucy. The golden retriever that Derek had brought home when he shared his unfortunate news. She was big now, and very lovable. She kept Meredith company at night and sat at her feet and nudged her legs when Meredith cried so hard, she felt she could never stop. She was grateful for the dog, and Derek really loved her too but didn't get to know her as long as they did.

"Meredith!" Lexie screamed from the other room "Your stupid dog just snatched my purse and ran outside!"

"Well you shouldn't keep food in it." Meredith called back "Nor should you leave it in reach."

"Well I'm a doctor." She sighed "I can't help needing to eat to keep my energy level up."

"And you can't help dropping your shit on my floor every time you step in the door?"

"No." Lexie said "It's habit."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So," Lexie mumbled "I met a guy."

"That's great Lex." Meredith said

"And he has a friend." Lexie mumbled; Meredith's back stiffened "I figured we could all double date?"

"No."

"Meredith."

"No Lex." Meredith muttered.

"Seriously, how long is this going to go on?"

"Hell, I don't know!" Meredith snapped "Forever for all I know! I didn't get dumped Lex, I didn't get divorced. My husband died! He left me involuntarily and I'll never see him again. You people have no idea how that feels, so stop telling me I need to hurry up and move on!"

"Mer, we just want to see you happy." Lexie said "I know you're not over Derek and that you will need more time. We just think it's not right that you're still being a black widow."

"Black widow?" Meredith frowned.

"Well you barely shower once a week, you've lost like 20 pounds because you hardly eat, you work yourself exhausted, you bit off the head of every intern and you worship the shrine religiously." She said pointing to the table "You might as well wear all black and tattoo widow across your forehead."

"I'm still mourning the loss of my husband." Meredith said softly "A year is not enough to erase the pain of that. I know you guys are worried, don't be. I've been handed a card that no one wants, and I'm going to have to deal with it the best I can. And this is how I'm dealing with it."

"Mommy!" she heard screamed from the back door. Meredith looked up with worry as Ophelia pointed at the back door "Lucy is sick!"

Meredith frowned and walked over to the back door to see what looked like the dog choking on something.

"What the hell was in your purse!" Meredith gasped.

"Serves her right for stealing it!" Lexie muttered.

"Mommy!" Annabelle cried loudly "Mommy save Lucy, don't let Lucy die! I don't want her to die too!"

Meredith looked at Lexie with a steel hard glare, Lexie was already melting and feeling about two feet tall.

"I know a vet, he's good too. Help me carry her to my car and I'll tell you where and when you can pick him up."

"And you'll be paying the bill." Meredith said. Lexie scoffed but Meredith just glanced at Ophelia who was crying large wet tears, Lexie gulped.

"Yes, and I'll pay the bill."


	35. Noise in the Attic

_Chapter 35: Noise in the Attic_

"You better quit jumping on the bed." Meredith said as she folded laundry in her room, she glanced up to see her daughters curls flinging up and down as she hopped on the mattress. "You're going to fall."

"I not." She said.

"You are." Meredith smirked "Remember what happened to the five little monkeys?"

"But the five monkey had tails." She said matter of factly "They tripped on their tails and then they falled."

"Oh, is that what happened?" Meredith giggled "I thought they bounced to close to the edge and fell off."

"Sides." Ophelia said, "I not a monkey."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yep." She smiled and bounced harder "I too pretty to be a monkey."

"You're right." Meredith smiled "You are very pretty."

"I knowed." Ophelia smiled "Daddy telled me."

"Oh." Meredith mumbled as she tried to hide her sting "You remember Daddy telling you that?"

"Uh course!" she said "He say it to me last night."

Meredith almost dropped the laundry she'd folded and looked up at Ophelia "You mean in a dream?" Meredith gulped "You had a dream about Daddy?"

"Nope." She said "I had a dream about cupcakes. Daddy was real, he came and telled me that when I pretended to be sleep."

"Ophelia." Meredith shook her head "That's not possible honey, Daddy is in heaven."

"Well he comed down from heaven." She said, "He was there, it was real."

"Ophelia honey." Meredith sighed "People can't come down from heaven, they go, and they stay."

"Well Daddy did." She said, "I prove it!" Before Meredith could get a word out Ophelia jumped off the bed and landed on her feet, she then ran out of the room and across the hallway, in a second she was back holding up something ratty and pink "See! He gived me Bunny back!"

Meredith stared at it in shock. After the funeral she didn't have the heart to try to get the bunny back, she called the memorial park and told them to just put it in the casket before they put it into the ground. She was sure that they did that. The only other explanation would be Mark, he had a soft spot for Annabelle and knew that if he saw it he would have grabbed it for her in case she ever regretted her loss. They heard an almost scuffling noise above their heads, and both looked up.

"Daddy!" Ophelia gasped "Hear it, that's Daddy!"

Meredith gulped and grabbed the phone off her dresser and dialed a number as she walked over and scooped Ophelia up and shut her bedroom door. She waited impatiently for two rings and then heard a voice.

"Hello?"

"Mark, I need you here NOW."

* * *

"There's nothing up here." Mark called from the top of the ladder as he looked around the attic with a flashlight. "Not even a footprint in the dust."

"Nothing?" Meredith frowned.

"Not a flick of dirt out of place." Mark said, "Are you sure you heard something?"

"Yes." Meredith said "Someone was up there walking around, Ophelia heard it too."

"Meredith," Mark said as he climbed down "No offense, but your attic is disgusting, there's like an inch thick of dust up there, if someone was walking around there'd be footprints."

"And there were none."

"Not a single one."

"Humph." Meredith sighed "Mark why did you give Ophelia her bunny back? That was her gift to Derek."

"What?" Mark frowned "I didn't."

"Well I haven't seen it since the funeral, and now all the sudden it's back in her room!" Meredith muttered "The only explanation I can think of is you grabbed it."

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Not really."

"I think you're losing your marbles." Mark said, "You need to cheer up, do something for yourself."

"I breathe." She said, "That's enough."

Mark rolled his eyes and Ophelia came twirling into the hallway, she bumped into Mark's leg and grinned up at him.

"Unka Mark, did you see Daddy up there?" she asked.

"No honey." He said, "Daddy's not up there."

"I know." She said, "he left, he no like people."

"Well where does he go then?" Mark asked.

"He leaved. He only up there when we sleepin. Then he goed to the outside and watches in da tree." She pointed to her bedroom window "But he no there right now, he no like people to see him."

"Mark!" Meredith gulped. Mark just rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"She's three and a half." He said, "And she lost her father, she's got an imagination, so what?"

Meredith chewed on her lips as she glanced out Annabelle's window. She made a mental note to buy a dark shade of some kind to keep from a stranger peeking into her baby's window to watch her. A chill ran down her spine to think of the kind of person that would do that.

"By the way, Lex said your dog is ready to be picked up." Mark said, "The bill is paid, she doesn't have time."

"Nice." Meredith muttered and glanced at Ophelia "Would you.."

"Not a problem." Mark smiled and picked up his niece "We'll have fun and make a big ole' mess for Mama to clean up when she gets home huh?"

Ophelia giggled "Mommy kill you."

"Yes." Mark said as he glanced at Meredith's death glare "Mommy kill me."

Meredith kissed Ophelia and then grabbed her purse and left. She drove outside city limits and followed the directions to the vet clinic. She pulled up to the large cabin and got out of her car and walked in. No one was there, she looked around the place a little. It looked almost like a doctor's office would, only with pictures of animal's anatomy on the walls instead of people.

"Hello?" Meredith called out. She sighed when she didn't get an immediate response. "Great." She muttered to herself, she really didn't want to be here all afternoon waiting for a senile old vet to wake up from his nap. She just wanted to get her dog and go home. She heard footsteps coming down the set of stairs and looked up to see a very young, fit statured man coming down. She almost did a double take. "Hello."

"Hi." He smiled warmly; his blue eyes twinkled "Can I help you?"

"Um. my dog." She stuttered.

"Oh." He grinned "You must be Lucy's owner."

"Yeah." She frowned "How can you tell?"

He smiled and reached out and pinched something off of the arm of her sweater, she felt a jolt of excitement for a second and gasped silently to herself, he held up a long soft golden hair.

"It's about her color."

"Yes." Meredith smiled.

"Follow me," he smiled "I'm Finn Dandridge by the way."

"Meredith Shepherd." She said. They walked down the hallway and into the back room where there were some kennels. Lucy started barking excitedly when she saw Meredith, Finn let her out and she ran to her, Meredith giggled "Lucy!"

"She's a lovely dog." Finn smiled "Your family is lucky to have her."

"Thank you for helping her." Meredith said, "She means a lot to us."

"So you're married?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Huh?" Meredith frowned, could he read minds? He pointed to her hand and she glanced down at the large wedding ring still in place on her finger "Oh, um… I was."

"I'm sorry." He said sympathetically "Divorce is never fun, I've been through one myself."

"Oh, I'm not divorced I'm… my husband well he.." she stuttered and choked, she always hated the look of pity that people gave her when she told them she was a widow, not to mention the sting she felt when she said it. "So will Lucy be ok, then?"

"Lucy's stomach twisted." He said, "She probably ate the wrong thing too fast, so I would watch her eating habits carefully and make sure she paces herself."

"Right, no more purses." Meredith nodded, Finn looked confused "Um, thank you very much Dr. Dandridge. I really appreciate it."

"Your welcome." He smiled "If you have any more problems with her feel free to come back… at any time of day or night."

"Thank you." She nodded and took Lucy's leash and walked to the door.

"Meredith." He said, stopping her "Losing a spouse is never easy, no matter how they leave us. So, if you ever want to talk, to someone who understands. We can go have dinner or stay in it doesn't matter. If you want company just give me a call."

* * *

**Do you have any ideas what would be causing the noise upstairs? How do you feel that Ophelia's bunny is back?**


	36. Maybe Dating?

_Chapter 36: Maybe Dating?_

"So, how is Lucy?" Molly asked a few days later while they were at work.

"She's doing fine." Meredith said, then smiled "Thanks to the vet."

"Pretty easy on the eyes, isn't he?" Molly smirked.

"Excuse me?"

"The vet, he's pretty easy on the eyes."

"How would you know?" Meredith frowned.

"Lexie doesn't know her own way to the hospital at times much less where to find a vet." Molly laughed. "She called me; we've taken our puppies to him before. He's really good… and good eye candy too."

"Oh." Meredith said and had a hard time not smiling.

"So, what did you think of him?"

"I thought he did a great job taking care of Luce." She replied, "We had a small short chit chat and that was it."

"What kind of chit chat?" Molly asked, "What did he ask?"

"He just asked if I was married, he saw my ring." She glanced at the sparkling diamond still wrapped firmly around her finger.

"And you said?" Molly raised a brow.

"And I said that I'm not, and I kind of stuttered around a little and changed the subject."

"Oh wow." Molly smiled "You kind of like him."

"No." Meredith pressed her lips together firmly "No, I don't like him."

"Meredith." Molly said softly, she placed her hand over Meredith's "No one will blame you for moving on. It's only natural."

"Derek was the love of my life." She said "Just because he's dead doesn't mean that my love for him is. It wouldn't be fair to someone else, to only have feelings that were half masked."

"No one says you have to fall in love right away." Molly said, "I'm just saying, sometimes you need to just pick up and move forward, sometimes people just need to dive right in."

"Not if they don't want to go swimming." Meredith said.

"Who's going swimming?" Lexie asked as she walked up with a chart in hands.

"No one, it was an analogy." Molly rolled her eyes "I was trying to tell Meredith that there's nothing wrong with dating again."

"Oh." Lexie smirked "Who are you dating?"

"No one!" Meredith muttered.

"She likes the vet." Molly giggled.

"I don't like him." Meredith defended "He's a nice man and might be kind of cute, but I don't like him."

"You better not like him." Lexie rolled her eyes "You can't date a vet."

"Why can't she date a vet." Molly scoffed "There's nothing wrong with vets." Molly ground her teeth "You are not helping me here."

"She's a doctor, she can't date a vet."

"Vets are doctors too." Molly said.

"True." Meredith nodded. "Sort of."

"Yeah." Lexie frowned "But there's just something wrong with a person that spends their day with animals and no people to relate to."

Meredith rolled her eyes and Molly scoffed, they all walked off in different directions. Meredith was not willing to admit it yet, but the sound of her and Finn dating almost excited her a little. It wasn't anything close to what she felt for Derek, but it was nice to feel something other than sadness and despair for once.

Meredith turned the lights off after Ophelia was sound asleep. She stopped in the living room and looked at the candle in the middle of the table. After a moment of hesitation, she walked over to it and struck a match, she lit the wick and watched as it burned brightly. She felt a tear roll down the length of her nose and drop onto the blue silk tablecloth. She sniffled and knelt in front of it as if it were a prayer alter. She then reached forward and took hold of the military portrait, the most recent one, her hand rubbed over his face and she sobbed quietly as the hole inside of her ached.

"Oh Derek." She cried "What should I do?"

She felt guilty. For the past week she'd thought about Finn a lot. Not in any certain way, not in a romantic way, she couldn't see them dating, she couldn't see them being physically intimate. All she really did was thought of him, of his face, of his kind voice, and of his offer to talk. But it made her feel guilty. It was someone new, and she had him on her mind a lot, when she normally thought about Derek all the time. Terrified that she would ever forget her feelings for him, she made herself think about him. And now she was thinking about someone else.

"Why does this have to be so hard!" she cried "Why did you have to go! WHY! You promised me you wouldn't leave me! You promised me you would always come back! So why now, do I feel like I still have to uphold my promise to you! Why do I still have to love you! Why!"

She screamed and then broke down crying. She grabbed the dog tags and threw them angrily across the room, she heard it hit something and break. She gasped as she got up and walked over to see one of their wedding pictures that was resting on the mantle had taken the hit and fallen, the glass broke. She felt regret instantly and cried.

"Oh no." she sniffled. She heard something fall over in the kitchen and felt goose bumps roll across her skin as she remembered the scuffling that occurred a few days ago. "Hello?"

She gulped and slowly stepped towards the kitchen, flipping lights back on as she went. She felt adrenaline shaking her hands as she slowly stepped into the kitchen and turned the light on, she jumped. Then saw the dog had knocked over the garbage can and sighed.

"Lucy!" she scolded her and pulled her away from her midnight treat "No! Bad girl!" the dog jumped and ran out of the room. Meredith sighed as she leaned over and picked up the trashcan and trash, she washed her hands and started to dry them when she heard the dog whining in the other room. She followed the noise and found Lucy laying on her side whimpering "Sandy."

She barely touched her stomach and Sandy whimpered loudly, "Shit." She sighed, then walked over to the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Someone better be dead." A groggy voice at the other end said.

"Not yet." She said "I need a huge favor, and I'll owe you I know. But please come over and watch Ophelia."

"Where are you going?"

"Lucy is sick again; I have to take her to the vet."

"Why don't you just let the dog die." Lexie groaned "It's a dog."

"Yes, it's a dog, but a dog that Derek and Ophelia love very much."

"Loved." Lexie yawned "Derek can't love a dog he's…" she stopped when she realized what she was rambling on about.

"Dead." Meredith mumbled "I know."

"I'll be over in ten minutes." Lexie apologized

Meredith hung up the phone and forced the pain of Lexie's comment away as she tended to Lucy. She went outside and made a bed in the back of her SUV, then did her best to carry Lucy gently and place her on the bed. Lexie pulled up shortly, they exchanged a quick hello before Meredith drove as fast as she could to the vet's office and hoped he was still open or there. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw lights on, as she opened the back of her car up, he opened the door.

"Hey." He said as he cleared the steps and came out to help her unload the dog. "Something wrong?"

"Yes, my dog Lucy, she's sick again." Meredith said frantically "I'm sorry to bother you, I know it sucks being at work late."

"Technically, I'm home." Finn smiled as he lifted Sandy easily, Meredith frowned "I live upstairs."

"Oh." Meredith nodded "How convenient?"

"It is actually." He said, he then placed Lucy on the exam table and looked her over "Looks like her stomach might have twisted again."

"Well can you help her?" Meredith gulped "She's very important to my daughter, and my husband loved the dog." She winced when she saw him glance up at the word husband "Sorry."

"It's ok." He smiled "It helps to say it."

"That's not what anyone else says." She mumbles "They…." Then choked on her sentence "You know what, you probably don't want to hear it."

"I do." He said "I don't mind hearing it. I want to know you Meredith, I want to know about you." He glanced at her hand and smiled "I even want to know why you still wear his ring."

She glanced at her hand again, it sparkled and shined so brightly. She remembered how much it took her breath away the first time she saw it, how perfect the night was. She remembered every syllable of his speech, and how much love for him she had. It was only a fraction of what she had now. But she knew that a day would come, when she wouldn't be able to hold onto that love anymore. She knew that her love for Derek would never grow, that he was gone, and you can't really love a dead person, at least not like you can while they were still alive. She looked up and saw him standing in front of her, he reached up and placed his hands on the sides of her face and wiped something off her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

"Sorry." He smiled and took a step back "I'm out of Kleenex."

"Thank you." She sniffled. "I didn't even know I was crying."

"When you do something so much that happens." He said as if he knew, as if he'd been there.

"My husband is dead." She blurted, "My husband didn't leave me, we're not divorced. He died in the war, and I'll never see him again. Everyone is telling me that holding onto him is wrong, that it's unhealthy, and that I need to move on. But, I just. I still love him; I still feel like I'll always love him. The ache is still fresh, and I can't stand it. I still wear the ring because I don't want to ever forget my love for him."

"And you won't." Finn said, he reached out and rubbed the round of her shoulder "No matter if you move on or crawl into a basement to live the rest of your days with a bottle of whiskey. You'll never forget your husband, and you'll never forget the memories. They'll just…not hurt so much to think about."

"Thank you." She whispered with a slight smile.

They stared at each other for a few silent minutes, as if they were recognizing a similar empathy in each other.

"So what do you say we go to dinner?" Finn said, she froze and felt a knot form in her stomach "As friends, as people who have something in common. We can talk about being alone, we can talk about people being too pushy, we can talk about whatever."

Meredith heard a soft giggle escape from her mouth and sniffled "I'd like that."

* * *

**What you are guys thinking?**


	37. Sibling Advice

_Chapter 37: "Sibling" Advice_

Meredith shivered, it was always cold in the OR, and she regretted not wearing a long-sleeved undershirt that day. She glanced at the clock and was hoping that the surgery didn't take too long, she wanted to get off a little early and take Ophelia for a ride on the ferry boat. She'd been talking about them all week long since the bedtime story of Derek and her first ferry boat ride together.

"So, I hear you've got a date tomorrow night." She heard and looked up to see Mark looking at her "With a vet?"

"How did you…" she frowned, then glared "Lexie."

"So, you decided to jump on in huh?"

"It's not a date." Meredith gulped "It's dinner."

"You know, most people don't go off having romantic dinners with their patients, or patient's owners I should say."

"Oh, but it's ok to go to bed with their surgeon?"

"Hey." Mark scoffed "I've never slept with a patient." She stared at him blankly "It was well after they were discharged."

"There will be no bed involved with my dinner with the vet." Meredith said firmly "We're just talking over how pushy people can be in trying to get you to move on."

Mark ignored the comment and sighed "I know a very skilled babysitter."

"One of your patients?" Meredith arched a brow.

"Funny." Mark glared "She's in high school." Meredith stared "Now that's low…I may be a little promiscuous but at least I keep it legal!"

"Then enlighten me." She smirked "How on earth would you even know anyone in high school?"

"She's the daughter of someone I was seeing." Mark mumbled "For a short period of time."

"Before she caught you in bed with someone else?"

"That may or may not have been the cause of it." Mark gulped "That's beside the point. Jayne is a good babysitter. She's an honor student and is a good kid."  
"I was an honor student, and trust me, I wasn't a good kid."

"Did you ever babysit?"

"If you want to call it that." Meredith laughed "More like underage partying."

"Well first off, it's hard to party with an almost four-year-old." Mark said "Two, she'd know that I'd be first in line to kill her. And C…I wouldn't suggest anyone but the best to watch my niece and you know this."

"I do." Meredith mumbled "You wouldn't want anyone to hurt her any more than Derek or I would." She cringed again, speaking his name so casually as if he were in the next room. Mark slowly looked up from his surgery.

"Now that's no way to start a date." Mark said, "You'll have to stop doing that eventually."

"Eventually feels a lot different than actually."

"But eventually and actually, you'll have to move on." Mark said "You'll have to rip the bandage off, no anesthesia. No one expects you to stay in one place for the rest of your life Mer, you're the only one holding you back."

"You're no shrink Mark, you're a neurosurgeon." Meredith muttered "You can't even keep a relationship more than a week, so really where do you find the right to give me advice?"

"Hey, whoa!" he said defensively "I'm just saying, if you want to move on it is ok with me."

"Ok." She gulped "But I'm not going to until it's ok with me."

"Tell that to the vet." Mark smirked.

"It's just dinner." She said, "Only dinner."

* * *

**How do you feel about the advice that Mark gave Meredith? **


	38. Unfortunate Circumstances

_Chapter 38: Unfortunate Circumstances_

"Thanks for dinner Finn." Meredith smiled as they stepped out onto the sidewalk.

"It was my pleasure." He smiled "Might I say you look beautiful tonight?"

"Yes." She smiled through her teeth "You did actually, five times."

"Sorry." He smirked "But it's true."

Meredith smiled appreciatively, but inwardly felt annoyed and that the date was a mistake. They reached her car and she turned to tell him goodbye and jumped when he was standing less than a foot from her.

"I had a really good time tonight Meredith." Finn said in a voice much too low for comfort.

"Um, yeah it was nice to get out and talk." Meredith said politely as she stepped back.

"So, when can we do this again?" he asked. Taking an inching step towards her.

"I don't know." Meredith gulped "My work schedule is pretty crazy; I'll have to give you a call."

"Ok." He nodded "Whichever you like."

She frowned a little to herself and then as if she'd asked for it, he started to lean into her. She gasped and instead of freezing placed her hand out and planted it in the middle of his chest. He stopped and frowned as he pulled back and looked at her irritated and frustrated.

"Meredith?"

"No Finn." She shook her head "I'm sorry, I can't."

"But I thought you would want it." He said, "I thought you wanted to move on, that's why you agreed to the date?"

"I agreed to dinner Finn." She said, "I thought that's what this was."

Finn just huffed a little and shook his head "I guess we're both confused. I'm sorry. I'll um, well…I guess I'll wait for your call."

He then turned around and slightly stormed off. Meredith felt a churning in her stomach as she saw him walk away. This was exactly what she was afraid of, hurting someone else, pulling them into her own world of misery. She got in her SUV quickly and pulled onto the street just as the tears started to form. She didn't want to see Finn anymore, she shivered a little, he seemed a little creepy in his demeanor tonight. But she didn't want to die a miserable old widow either. Someday she would need another Finn, and she would need to learn to not push him away, to not give him the wrong idea, she needed to not hurt them. But no more pushing, it wouldn't be tonight, and the date just showed that she wasn't ready, and she couldn't be pushed. Everyone else would just have to deal with it.

Meredith walked up the steps of her walkway, towards the house that she loved but lately found to be too big, too empty. She glanced up at it on her way to the door and contemplated selling it. Her stomach churned at the thought and she shook it out of her mind, it was too soon. She walked in the door and saw the living room light on, the girl on the couch looked up from a textbook and she smiled at her.

"Hey Jayne." she smiled, the girl stood up and threw her purse over her shoulder.

"Hi Meredith." she smiled.

"Thanks so much." Meredith said while digging for a few large bills from her purse "How was she?"

"An angel as usual." Jayne smiled.

"Good to hear," Meredith smiled as she handed her some money "how's biology?"

"Coming slowly but surely." Jayne rolled her eyes

"Well be patient," Meredith said, "You just have to find something to make it soak in."

"I'm sure." Jayne sighed "How was your date?" Meredith flinched a little, even though she knew what it was…she wasn't ready to accept the fact that she was dating again, Jayne caught that fact "I'm sorry Meredith."

"It's fine Jayne." Meredith smiled through her teeth "It was nice."

"Oh, good." Jayne mumbled and shifted uncomfortably "Well I better go."

"Drive safe Jayne."

"Thank you Meredith."

She watched as she walked out of the house and then locked the door behind her after hearing her pull out of the driveway safely. She then turned and climbed the stairs to the second floor, she stopped at Ophelia's door and pushed it open the rest of the way. She crept into the room and saw a head of light brown curls peeping out of the covers, spilling across the pillow. She smiled as she knelt down and adjusted the covers down and tucked them under her sweet little chin. She leaned over and softly kissed the little girls cheek, Meredith froze when she stirred a little, not wanting her to wake up.

"I miss you Daddy." she whispered in her sleep.

Meredith pressed her lips together to hold the sob inside her throat, she forced it down with a gulp and batted her stinging eyes as she stood up and turned to walk out of the room. She closed the door but a creak and then walked across the hallway to her bedroom that she still felt like something was missing in, like he was missing. She let a few tears fall but kept herself from sobbing as she kicked out of her heels and pulled her long black dress over her head, tossing it aggressively into the hamper, as if she needed to get all evidence of her being on a date with another man as far away from her as possible.

She climbed into the large king sized bed all by herself, she laid down on her side, as if she were still waiting for him to come climb in beside her. She glanced over, his pillow still had the indent of his head in it, something she tried so hard to keep. She felt a sob rush up her throat and didn't even try to stop it, she ran her hand across the other side of the bed and cried….it was still cold.

* * *

Meredith must've dozed off, because she was startled awake by the sound of the doorbell drumming through the house. She sat up and glanced at the clock and frowned. She heard it again, whoever was at the door was anxious for an answer. She stumbled out of bed and pulled some pajama pants, a t-shirt and slipped into her robe. She heard the doorbell three more times before she reached the bottom of the stairs and hoped that Ophelia wasn't woken up by the moron who was going to get their ass chewed out.

"I'm coming!" she called out and reached for the lock, then the door knob and opened the door, "Finn?"

"Meredith." He breathed out "I'm sorry but I just, I can't let you go."

"Finn." She scoffed "It's eleven thirty at night! Can you wait at least until morning?"

"No." he said "Meredith I know it's hard for you. It was hard for me too. But I had to move on, I had to. And you do too, and the best way to do that is just to do it."

"Finn." She shook her head "I'm not ready, I'm just not. Tonight, was an attest to that fact. Someday, yes. But I can't, and you've been nice, but I just can't."

"Yes Meredith." He breathed. "You can…you will."

She gulped and was ready to turn around and call the police but before she could move, he charged her, slamming his body against hers and into the wall in the living room. She tried to scream but his mouth crushed against hers, his teeth sunk into her lower lip and she tasted blood. She tried to push him off of her, but he was strong and so much bigger than her.

"Finn." She growled through his lips "Stop it! I don't want this!"

"Yes you do." He panted as he grabbed at her body and kept himself pinned against her wiggling body "You have to trust me Meredith, this is what you want."

"No!" she cried out "No, I don't want this!"

She shoved him and he stumbled back a little but then got a dark look in his eyes, as if he liked it. She felt her body being slammed hard against the wall again and hit the back of her head. The room spun and she felt a little dizzy and limp.

"Stop!" she cried, he tore the front of her robe open "Please stop, you're hurting me!"

He ignored her and planted his lips against her jawbone and bit down, she shrieked in pain. Desperately reaching for some kind of help. She'd already lost her husband to death, the ultimate loss. Now this? She let out a howling scream and closed her eyes, feeling helpless against Finn's strength. Then as suddenly as it started, he stopped, or at least she didn't feel his body against hers anymore, a second later she heard a crash. She gasped and her eyes flew open to see Finn had landed on top of Derek's shrine, the shrine that was on the other side of the room. She gasped and wondered how in the hell he could fly and fall with such force, and why?

She saw him being picked up by a large shadow of a man, his feet dangling in midair and his eyes looking half dazed and half terrified. He was then thrown into the wall by the couch with a large crash, Meredith gulped as she stared in horror, would this attacker hurt her too? The man then picked Finn up by the back of the pants with such ease and lack of effort and threw him out of the open door and landed him in the middle of the yard, a good hundred feet away. The door slammed close and locked, and she was left alone with the shadow.

Her hands were shaking, one covering her mouth as she fought sob after sob. Her cheek and back of her head felt sore and bruised, her inner self esteem felt shattered. She studied the shadow who's back was to her, in the dim light of the moon it was a large and very familiar shape. She recognized the muscles on the shoulders and back, the uniform he wore was a light brown, digital army but made to blend well in sandy areas. His hair was long and dark, it almost had a wave to it, everything about him was screaming hope, but she didn't dare. She knew better than to look for hope anymore.

He slowly turned around, as if hesitant to face her as much as she was to see it. There was long stubble across his cheeks and lips, as if he hadn't shaved in over a week. His eyes were wrinkled from stress and anxiety, his cheeks looked wind chapped, and his eyes were full of so many emotions, but still only one color. Blue.

"No." she sobbed as her hand whipped over her mouth hard, tears filled her eyes and she sobbed "No!" she shook her head violently "No… you're dead! You're dead!"

She cried and shook with sobs, his face looked practically emotionless as he took a wary step towards her. She gasped at the body heat she felt as he stepped towards her, his breath rolled across her sore cheek, she placed a trembling hand against the center of his chest and felt a soft beat against her palm. Her voice broke as her own heart leaped into a gallop. She raised her eyes to meet his, they looked so weary, so worn, so full of pain. Her breath hitched in her throat as another sob started to escape, but her mouth was smothered with his lips. They were so perfect, so soft, and so gentle yet strong.

She heard herself moan into the intense kiss, his arms wrapped around her tiny frame perfectly, as if they were returning to their rightful home. Her arms did the same around his neck, though his hair was long, and his beard was prickly, the kiss couldn't have been more perfect. And that is when he lifted her easily into his arms, her legs wrapped softly around his waist, their lips never breaking as he carried her up the stairs and into the bedroom as if his feet had the way memorized.

She didn't know if this was a dream, if she had the right to even question it. In the moment she was enjoying it beyond belief, and sanity or insanity she was going to indulge her poor battered mind for the night. He laid her gently on their bed, as if she were something breakable. Their lips broke apart for a moment as she lifted his shirt over his head, she stopped and ran her palms up and over his sculpted chest, it was perfect, practically scar less. There were no seams to make evidence that he'd been put back together from being blown into a million pieces. He was whole, and flawless. And he was lifting her shirt over her head, exposing her naked torso, his lips moved smoothly and delicately down her collar bone and he took her breast into his hand fully, he massaged it before taking her budding nipple into his mouth and suckling softly at it.

She gasped with pleasure and arched her back as she wrapped her arms around his naked shoulders, tightening her grip to push them closer together. He moved to give the other breast the same attention as his hands ran down her sides, feeling her soft tiny curves, he slid his fingers inside the waistband of her pants and panties and drug them down her legs. She panted into his lips as they met hers again and reached up and undid his pants. Yanking them down and watching as he kicked out of them. He was full and ready, she wrapped her hand around his large member, just as large and perfect as before. She heard him groan into her neck at her pumping motions.

His hand groped at the skin of her flat stomach as he trailed down to her soft mound and slipped his fingers between her legs, her clit was hot and pulsating, he massaged it gently with his finger tips and felt her jolt with response. She gasped and looked at him with glossed over eyes and desire pooling in them. He pushed her legs apart with his knees as he climbed on top of her and lifted her hips to his. They both moaned and panted as he burrowed himself inside of her. She wrapped her shoulders tightly around him, feeling their naked skin pressing against each other's and moving softly with the rhythm of his pumps.

"Oh god Derek." She whispered, a tiny tear rolled down her cheek "I missed you so much."

He groaned in response as he pushed himself deeper and deeper inside of her. His lips always touching and caressing a part of her skin. Kissing her lips, nibbling softly on her jaw and collar bone. Nipping at her shoulder and sucking on her erect nipples. His skin felt so real under her fingertips as she dug them into his shoulder blades while she reached her peak. She screamed out his name as she started to shake underneath him and explode around him. He moaned in response and gasped as he exploded shortly after her, spewing his hot seed deeply inside of her.

She clung onto him tightly, holding onto this dream, memory, or if she had any hope left at all reality. They stayed connected, panting and still pressed together. She rested her lips against the nook of his neck as she took in his woodsy, masculine scent and breathed against his skin. She closed her eyes and focused on what she felt, terrified that if she opened her eyes it would be gone, he would be gone, and she would have woken from this wonderful dream.

* * *

**Do you think Derek is alive?**


	39. I'm Not Crazy

**I'm** **sorry**** guys that it has been a while, I have been super busy. My finals are approaching within the next two weeks, so I've been focusing primarily on them. I promise that I will get back to this soon. Just please be patient with me.**

* * *

_Chapter 39: I'm Not Crazy_

Meredith felt her toes tingling from the night before, the dream had such a powerful effect on her she almost felt a lingering high from all those orgasms. But could a dream really do that? She dared to dream that it was reality and slowly opened her eyes. She looked across the bed and saw it empty, with the same head shape in Derek's old pillow that had always been there. And his side of the bed was perfectly made, just like it was every morning because her side of the bed was the only side that got used.

Ok so the bed didn't look like she'd had an all-night romp in the sack. She sat up and saw that her clothes were back on, or still on? A t-shirt and cotton pajama pants. Her robe was hanging in the closet, untouched. The room looked spotless, but eerily so, it was as if someone were trying to cover their tracks. Still though, there was no evidence that Derek had been there the night before, there was no evidence that they had made love. She felt tears burn her eyes and she gasped as a sob squeaked in her throat.

"No." she whispered as a few tears rolled down her cheeks.

She sniffled and heard something downstairs. She jumped out of bed and scuffled down the stairs to hear Annabelle talking to someone in the kitchen. She felt a burst of excitement in her chest and hoped that perhaps he had just gotten up before her, maybe they were having breakfast. But she only found one person in the kitchen and though they looked a lot alike, she was only 3 ½ and eating a bowl of fruity pebbles.

"Ophelia?" Meredith gulped out of breath "What are you doing?"

"I eating." She said and sipped at her milk "I hungry."

"Oh." Meredith nodded "I'm sorry honey, Mommy must have slept in." Ophelia smiled at her "Was anyone else in here when you got up? Was anyone else in the kitchen, I thought I heard you talking?"

"I talked to Bunny." She said holding up the pink rabbit that was sitting next to her in the chair "See, we eat brefust."

Meredith stared at the pink Bunny, almost glaring at it. As if it were tempting her sanity. "So, no one was here baby? Not a single person was in the house when you woke up?"

"No." she shook her head "Just my Mommy."

Meredith still stared at the pink bunny as she let Ophelia's discomforting and disappointing words sink in. She huffed and grabbed the phone off the wall and flipped through the phone book, she found the number she wanted and dialed it. As she waited for the rings, she heard Ophelia humming in her sweet little voice and softly sing..

"On da day you were born, I heared the angels gived a wittle giggle." Ophelia sang "And I knowed this world was a better place. Oh, shout for joy boys and girls, start your dancing."

She felt a shiver run up and down her spine. Derek used to sing that song to her as a baby, to get her to go to sleep. It worked every time, but only if he sang it. But she was barely a year old the last time he did. Could she have remembered it all this time? Or had she heard it again…

"Highland Memorial Park?" the woman on the other end said.

"Yeah, um yeah." Meredith frowned into the phone "My husband was buried in your facility."

"Ok." The woman sounded confused. "Name please?"

"Derek Shepherd." She replied. She heard the woman plucking computer keys as she looked it up.

"Oh yes," the woman said, "about a year ago?"

"Yes." Meredith replied.

"Is there a problem?"

"Well yes, kind of." Meredith said, "When we left the funeral I called and told someone about a pink bunny?"

"Yes." The woman said "I remember, I did as you asked. Personally, I put the animal in the casket just before they lowered it."

"Somehow I'm finding that hard to believe." Meredith said, "Because the bunny has somehow made its way back to my home!"

"What?" the woman scoffed "That's impossible!" she then gasped "Oh wait…"

"What?"

"Oh dear." She said "I'm so sorry…. It appears that about six months ago the grave was vandalized."

"What!" Meredith muttered "And why am I just NOW being told about this?"

"Well nothing valuable was taken Mrs. Shepherd. It looked like it was just unearthed, and a few pictures and non-valuable items were taken."

"Every item in that casket was of value to ME!" Meredith growled "You unsympathetic little bitch!"

Meredith slammed the phone against the wall and heard Ophelia gasp and looked up at her mother with horror.

"Mommy!" she whined "Mommy you say a bad word!"

"I'm sorry." Meredith panted, out of breath from her emotions "Mommy's sorry. I just got a little upset with the lady on the phone."

"It ok." Ophelia said, "It ok to be uh-set."

Meredith nodded and heard the doorbell ring. She walked over and looked out the glass to a familiar figure before unlocking and opening the door.

"Hey Lex." She said as she let her in.

"Hey M…" Lexie got out before she gasped. "What happened to your shrine!"

Meredith looked up and never even noticed until now the broken pieces of the table and pictures. She felt a sob shake her chest and tears well up in her eyes. She walked over to see the major damage of last night's incidents had caused and covered a hand over her mouth and paced back and forth in the living room.

"I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy, I'm not going crazy." She sniffled, Lexie put her hand out and stopped her, she looked up into Lexie's eyes, eyes that widened with a new horror. "What?"

"What happened." She breathed out as she looked at her face "What happened to you Meredith?"

Meredith looked past her and into the mirror hanging above the mantle of the fireplace, she saw her face. Her eyes were red and wet from crying, but the rest of her face is what really shocked her. There were black and blue marks along her neck and jawbone where Finn had bitten her, and her lips were both fat and swollen with red scabs. She sniffled as the pain set in finally, not just the emotional but the physical pain of those injuries. She reached back and touched the back of her head where he'd slammed her into the wall and winced as she felt a large bruised lump on her scalp.

Maybe Derek was alive, maybe he'd saved her. For whatever reason he was gone at the moment. And he could cover his tracks and make it look like HE wasn't there, but there was no denying that what happened the night before with Finn really happened. She collapsed against the couch and buried her face in her hands as she sobbed.

"Did he hurt you?" Lexie asked. Meredith sniffled and peeked up over her fingers at her.

"Yes."

* * *

"So, let me get this straight." Lexie mumbled in confusion "Finn attacked you."

"Yes." Meredith sniffled and dabbed at her tears.

"He tried to rape you."

"Yes."

"And your dead husband pulled him off?"

"Yes." Meredith sniffled again "Does that sound crazy?"

"Um, a little." Lexie nodded "Yeah." Lexie let out a sigh "Was it his ghost or something? I mean is there paranormal activity going on in the house… do we need to call a priest?"

"He was real." Meredith squeaked "he was really here, I felt him I…" she gulped and remembered the night before, or what she thought happened "It was real."

"Well is he still here?" Lexie asked, looking around.

"No." Meredith sniffled "No he's gone…."

Lexie gulped and looked pitifully at her sister, she didn't know what to think, or what to say, she looked broken all over again. And she felt guilty to be part of the cause of it.

"Look." Lexie said, "Something really bad happened to you last night. And I could kill the guy. But maybe your mind went somewhere else, maybe you fought him off, or maybe he gave up. And your mind saw Derek, because he's the joy in your life…. or was."

"He's real!" Meredith shrieked and stood up from the couch as her body shook, Lexie stared up at her with wide eyes at the outburst "He's real and he was here!"

"Ok Mer." Lexie said calmly "Just calm down ok, no need to get irate."

"I'm sorry." Meredith sobbed, she put her hands over her face "I'm sorry I just… maybe I need to call the police, to press charges, get him off the streets. Maybe it'll make me feel better."

"That might be a little difficult to do." Lexie mumbled, Meredith looked at her and frowned "You must not have seen the paper this morning?" Lexie pulled a folded up section of newspaper out of her purse and handed it to Meredith. "It's why I came over, to see if you were ok. If you'd seen it and if you were upset."

Meredith looked over the paper and frowned. She gulped when she read the headline _'Local Veterinarian and home-town hero killed in head on collision last night.' _Meredith felt tears of anger burn her eyes as she read the article, and how it painted him as a perfect human being and how it's such a tragic loss to the community. She tossed the paper onto the couch and scoffed.

"Meredith." Lexie said and reached out to her "I know how you're feeling right now."

"You do?" Meredith sniffled.

"Well I can imagine you're feeling like everyone you care about dies."

"I don't give a rats ass if Finn died." Meredith muttered "I am relieved, believe me!"

"Then why do you look like you're about to have a mental breakdown?" Lexie asked, Meredith stopped pacing and glared at her "Well, you do."

"I'm just…" Meredith sighed "I'm trying to figure everything out. Like why Derek was so real to me last night, and why isn't he here this morning. I just don't understand….and it's driving me crazy!"

"Ok, stop." Lexie said, she stood up and placed her hands-on Meredith' shoulders, making her stop pacing and look at her "You loved Derek, and he'll always be real to you. You experienced a horrific thing, and it makes sense that he would be in your happy place. So just breathe and take a few days off. I'm here for you." Lexie pulled her sister into a tight hug and heard her start to sob, she felt her own throat tighten with emotion and whispered, "I'm here for you."

* * *

**So, what do you guys think? Do you think that Finn got what he deserved?**


	40. You're Not Okay

_Chapter 40: You're Not Okay_

Meredith took Lexie's advice and took a few days off, it was better not to go to work with a bunch of marks on her face, with people asking questions, and she didn't want to answer them. Feeling her mind in a fragile place, she spent the time with Ophelia and doing simple things. And at night, she would lay there silently listening to the sounds of the house until sleep took over her. She wanted to hear something, she wanted to hear him walk in, but so far, she heard nothing. And it was starting to make her doubt herself. It was starting to drive her fragile state of mind over the edge.

"Hey Mer." She heard beside her as she walked down the hallway reading over a chart. She looked up to see Molly smiling empathetically and rubbed her shoulder "How ya doin?"

"Fine." Meredith mumbled with a frowned.

"Meredith!" she heard Lexie call to her from across the hallway and smile with pitty "How are you Mer?"

She opened her mouth to reply when someone popped out of a room and into the hallway in front of them. Mark smiled and reached for a hug.

"Mer." He smiled "How are you?"

She looked at the three of them and huffed as she shook her head and pointed at them, she appreciated their concern and friendship, especially the past month, but enough was enough.

"Ok." She hissed "You three have got to stop this! I am not going to break!"

"But you had…"

"A very unfortunate thing happen to me, that doesn't need to be brought up repeatedly by your annoying sympathy." Meredith finished Molly's sentence. "Seriously! I love you but leave me alone and let me work. I'm fine!"

They all looked like they wanted to argue and defend themselves, but they let it go. Meredith sighed and pushed past them, she walked down the hallway to her patients room to see how he was doing, but she walked in the room and seemed to be intruding on an argument between him and his girlfriend.

"Sophie." He huffed "Can we not go through this again?"

"No!" she hissed "we're talking about this. I don't want you speaking with her again Troy, if your future is me then make it me!"

"Soph." he said "She's my friend, I'm having surgery I thought she would want to know."

"Yes, she's your friend." She muttered "But she's also your _EX-GIRLFRIEND_!"

"Baby, you're my life now. Understand that." He said.

"Then stop talking to her!" she said "Tell her to go to hell!"

"I'm not doing that baby, she's my friend."

"Then you know what!" she hissed "You can go to hell! That's right Troy! I hope you die!"

"Hey!" they both looked up and startled to find someone else in the room with them. Meredith looked at them appalled "You can't say that to him."

"I can say that to whoever I want to." Sophie glared at her "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I'm his doctor, and regardless of the fact that I need him in excellent mental health for surgery." Meredith said "You can't tell a person to die! Do you have any idea of how that feels?"

"I don't care, if he's going to keep talking to someone else then I hope he does."

"No, do you honestly _KNOW_ how it _FEELS_ to lose someone you love to _DEATH_!" Meredith found herself yelling and tears welling in her eyes "You airbrained little bitch! Do you have _ANY_ fucking _CLUE_ what it's like to lose the love of your life, to know that they'll _NEVER_ come back to you! _DO YOU_!"

"Meredith!" she heard behind her and realized that she'd been screaming. The face of her patient and his girlfriend were beyond shocked. She felt Mark grab her and pull her out of the room "Mer, what's going on?"

"I…I…I don't' know." She panted as she felt an anxiety attack creeping over her "I've never done that before... I just started screaming because she doesn't know what it's like to see someone she loves die and…." She looked up and saw someone walking down the hall, he was tall and had wavy dark hair, she gasped "Derek."

"Mer?" Mark said but she brushed past him and started out into a full sprint chasing towards the retreating dark haired man.

"Derek!" she called out "Derek wait!"

"Mer!" she heard behind her but didn't listen.

"Derek!" she screamed and practically pounced on the man and grabbed his arm, he halted and turned around to look at her sharply. His eyes were dark, almost black and his nose was the wrong shape. There was no stubble on his face, nor hair of any kind.

"Hey!" he hissed "Do you mind!"

"Sorry." She gasped and tears filled her eyes again "I'm so sorry… I thought… I thought you were someone else."

She backed up against the wall as he went about his way and slid down the wall to the floor. She covered her mouth with a shaky hand as she started to cry. Mark stood in front of her and knelt down, he looked at her concerned.

"Are you sure you're fine?" he asked.

She looked at him and sniffled, she wiped her tears from her eyes and shook her head.

"No." she gulped "I need to go home."

"You're not ok Meredith." He said "You need help…. you never got any help."

"I just need time off Mark." She muttered "Just give me more time."

"How much is enough?" he asked. She gulped and looked up at him for a minute, tears running down her face and her lips trembled.

"It'll never be enough time."


	41. Quite the Scare

_Chapter 41: Quite the Scare_

Mommy," Ophelia said as she leaned onto the counter from her perch on the barstool "I love you."

"I love you too sweetie." Meredith smiled.

"I want you happy."

"I am happy." Meredith smiled as she chopped some carrots for lunch "You make me happy."

"Then why you cry after I go to bed?" she asks. Meredith gulped and stopped chopping for a minute.

"Mommy's just sad about Daddy still."

"But Daddy is here." Annabelle said so innocently. "I tell you dat."

"I know." Meredith mumbled "But mommy can't see Daddy, I haven't…." Annabelle looked at her curiously "It's hard for big girls and big boys to believe something when they can't see it."

"But daddy helped you, member?"

"What?"

"Member when that big man was mean to you." Annabelle said, Meredith gulped and her eyes widened "You screamed and den Daddy comed in and helped you. Member Mommy?"

"O." She mumbled "You saw that?"

"Yeah, I scared. But then I seen Daddy and I knowed you would be ok. So, I goed back to bed."

"But you saw that." Meredith mumbled "You saw it…. not just Mommy saw it."

"Uh-course Mom!" Ophelia, rolled her eyes "Silly Mommy."

Meredith shook her head, feeling the shock shake off as well "Honey, why don't you go put your toys away in your room, we'll have lunch soon."

"Okay Mommy." Ophelia smiled and hopped off the stool. She flew her bunny out of the room like an airplane and up the stairs.

Meredith sighed. Was she really losing her mind? Was she really going crazy? She wasn't the only one to see Derek that night. I mean Annabelle saw him too, even if she is almost 4, she saw him. But why did he insist on staying away, on living in the shadows. If he really was still alive, then why did he not want to come back to them. Still deep in thought she went back to cutting the carrot and gasped as she felt a sharp pain in her wrist. She looked down to see the inside of her wrist bleeding profusely.

She could tell by the spot and the dark color of blood that she nicked the artery. She turned to the sink to rinse it out, knife still in hand, and needing to act quickly and call her sister to come get her. If it wasn't stitched up soon, she could bleed out and being home alone and helpless wasn't good…. she stopped and stared at the blood pouring out of her wrist. Was she home alone? She gulped and looked out the window at the tree, and then glanced up at the ceiling, then back at the blood.

Maybe all he needed was a little coaxing. Maybe what would bring him out of hiding was his loved ones hurting. She dropped the knife in the sink and felt her knees buckle, she then dropped to the floor and felt her blood pooling against her, she looked up at the ceiling and saw a white light closing in on her as her mind fuzzed over, her eyes closed and she gulped.

"I love you Derek."

* * *

"Get another unit ready, just in case." She heard in a deep voice as she started to gain back consciousness. "Her BP isn't as high as I'd like to see it."

"Yes Dr. Sloan." A woman, most likely a nurse said.

Meredith felt a pain shooting up her arm and felt the memories of the knife incident come back to her. She moaned as her eyes started to flutter open, she was met by a bright light hanging over her head.

"Mer?" Mark sounded frantic "Mer are you there?"

"Of course I'm here, where else would I be." She said hoarsely "Get that light out of my eyes."

"You gave us quite the scare." Mark said tensely. She reached up to rub her eyes but her arm stopped, she looked over expecting to see the IV but saw restraints instead, she frowned and looked at her other wrist, same thing. She looked at Mark angrily.

"What the fuck are these!" she hissed.

"Meredith, you're a danger to yourself." He said, "We had to."

"I am not a danger to myself!"

"Then mind explaining to me what the hell happened!" Mark muttered "Why you came in here with a slashed wrist and half bled out?"

"I was making lunch." She said, "The knife slipped."

"You didn't bleed out that fast." He said, "You could have called someone for help."

"I was waiting for help." She mumbled; Mark looked at her fiercely "I'm sure he came too."

"Meredith." Mark breathed out heavily "Please tell me that you're not losing your mind, that you didn't just slice yourself open in hopes that Derek showed up miraculously before you died."

"Well." Meredith gulped "That's what happened right?"

"Molly!" Mark growled "Molly found you! And what if Ophelia was the one to find you! What if she went and pounded on a neighbor's door crying because her mommy was dying? She didn't see anything, but it still scared the hell out of her! Do want her to have to attend _BOTH_ of her parent's funerals!?"

Meredith's face broke and she started to shake with gasping sobs at the thought of how she'd hurt Ophelia, how stupid and horrible it would have hurt her baby if she'd actually killed herself. Mark took a few calming breaths and sat down on the side of her bed and dabbed her tears with a tissue.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled." He said "I just…Meredith, before Derek left, he asked one thing of me. To take care of you and little O, and well, today you almost made me break the last promise I made to my best friend."

"I know." She whispered, "I just, I thought that he would save me."

"Meredith, he's dead." Mark said "Trust me, I want him here and alive alongside of us as much as anyone else. But that's now how things are, we buried him, he's gone, he's dead."

"We buried his memories." Meredith muttered "We didn't bury him; his body was never found."

"Because it was blown into a million pieces!" Mark said, Meredith flinched "Mer, you're never going to get out of this rut, if you don't accept the reality of what happened. I realize that with the Finn thing it's set you back, but you've got to take the lifeline we're throwing you…. Get some help."

"I don't need help." Meredith muttered, a nurse walked in and handed him some lab slips "And if Derek isn't here, then how did Finn stop. Did he kick his own ass? Did he just become uninterested and leave? How did Finn stop from forcing himself on me."  
Mark looked up from his paperwork with remorse written all over his face and gulped "I don't' think he stopped."

"What?" Meredith scowled "Of course he did."

"Meredith." Mark mumbled sadly "You're pregnant."

Meredith stared back at him in shock "No." she whispered, "No it's not Finn's."

"Meredith."

"No." Meredith shook her head "No it's Derek's. We…well after he got rid of Finn, we…we made love. And when I woke up in the morning he was gone."

"Meredith." Mark said calmly "I don't think so."

"Then what Mark!" she screamed "What happened, enlighten me!"

"Finn didn't stop." He mumbled, "And as sick and furious as it makes me to think about… It's the only logical explanation for this. He didn't stop, and he raped you. And your mind protected itself by seeing Derek and feeling him. "

"No." she gasped and squeezed her eyes close tightly "No!"

"I'm sorry." Mark whispered and squeezed her arm gently "I'm so sorry Meredith."

"I think you have a pretty severe case of PTSD." Mark said, "You can't do this on your own."

"Ophelia." She whispered.

"She's with Molly." He said, "She'll be there for a few days while you recover."

"I'm fine; I just lost a little blood."

"We had to pump you full Mer." Mark said "You didn't lose a little blood. You lost almost too much. And I'm sending you up to the 9th floor to recover."

"Nine?" Meredith frowned "But that's psych!"

"Mer." Mark gulped "You need help." Meredith pressed her trembling lips together, she wasn't crazy, at least she didn't feel crazy, but she knew that Mark wasn't going to argue with her, he wasn't going to bend, and he meant it out of care. She bit her lip and turned her head to look away "What do you want to do about the…." She looked at him "Baby?"

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. In her heart of hearts, she believed that Derek was the father. She believed that he came to her that night and saved her. She believed that he was still alive whether Mark tried to convince her otherwise or not. And even if he were right, it was HER baby. She gulped and kept her eyes closed as she started to feel her body fall into rest again.

"Keep it."

* * *

**Who's baby do you think it is, Finn or Derek's?**


	42. I Believe You

_Chapter 42: I Believe You_

"So." The woman in the white coat asked. Meredith gulped and played with her plastic hospital bracelet.

"So." She repeated and glanced around the room, fixing her eyes on the fish tank in the corner.

"What brings you here today?"

"It's part of my discharge." Meredith said, "If I don't come here, I don't get to leave."

"Well." She said "Why do your doctors think you need to be here."

"They think I'm losing it."

"Are you?"

"No." she said "I think I'm fine."

"What makes them think that you're not fine?"

"Are we going to keep doing this? I mean the whole half a question thing…. are we going to keep doing this?"

"Well we can do anything you want." Dr. Wyatt said, "but as you said, you can't be discharged until you talk to me."

"I'm talking." Meredith said.

"It's a good start. But I need to hear more than just talk."

"What is it that you need to hear?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"I didn't try to kill myself, the knife slipped."

"And why should I, or anyone else believe you? You're a doctor, you should have known not to wait until you passed out."

"Well as you said, I'm a doctor. I'm a surgeon. If I wanted to kill myself, I would have chosen a more appropriate artery to slice."

"Fair enough." She said with a nod "But why wait?" Meredith stared at her and chewed nervously on her thumb "Meredith, why didn't you call 9-1-1?"

"I was waiting for someone, ok."

"Who?"

Meredith gulped and closed her eyes for a second as they started to burn "My husband."

"And why didn't he come?"

"Because." She sniffled "He's dead."

"And you believe that?" she asked "You believe that he's dead."

"Does anyone want to?" she glared through her tears "Does anyone really want to believe that the love of their life is dead?"

"Have you accepted the reality of your husband's death?"

"I have cried…" she stopped to hold in a sob "every night since the moment they told me he was gone. I put a casket in the ground, I'm raising a daughter on my own…I'd say that's a pretty grasping reality."

"And you tried moving on?" she asked and glanced at her chart "You tried to date again?"

Meredith winced at the pain that question brought "Yes."

"And how did that go?"

"Why don't you tell me!" Meredith muttered "Since you seem to know everything already!"

"Meredith." She said "I'm just trying to help. And it helps to get it all out, it hurts to keep it all bottled up inside."

"Really, because this is pretty damn painful!" Meredith hissed as tears started to roll down her cheeks "And I'm used to pain, trust me, I've been living in it for the past year."

"Then why let yourself live in it any longer?"

Meredith gulped, the sound of being pain free sounded so good. So, relieving. She sighed and wiped her years.

"I went on a date, and I felt uncomfortable, so I ended things." She sniffled "And he came to my house in the middle of the night and tried to force himself on me."

"And how did he stop?"

Meredith let out a silent sob and squeezed her eyes close "In my mind…my husband stopped him. He threw him off of me and the man left. End of story."

"Our minds do miraculous things when they're trying to protect us." She said "The brain has instincts just as our bodies do. When we touch something hot, we pull away, when the mind senses danger it does the same." Meredith nodded "But you don't see it that way."

"I believe he's still with me." She said "I believe the baby in my stomach is my husbands. I believe that he's still here."

"And maybe he is." Dr. Wyatt said, "He'll always be with you as long as you hold onto him."

"I never want to let go."

"It's healthy to let go." She said, "You'll never get through this if you don't let yourself be free from it a little." Meredith just gulped and shook her head softly "What are you going to do if the baby isn't your husband's?" Meredith snapped her head up "What if it looks like your attacker?"

"It's just a baby." Meredith said "It isn't at fault for what happened. And IF it is…it's half of me too."

"You really do believe that the baby is your husband's." she said it as a statement. She let out a loud irritated huff "Meredith you…" she was cut off by the sound of the door flying open with a bang.

"Hey Doc." Molly said as she whisked into the room and grabbed Meredith's arm "Sorry but we gotta go."

"What." Dr. Wyatt scoffed "You can't take her, we're in a session."

"Meredith doesn't need a session." Molly smiled through her teeth "We Grey's deal better with it amongst ourselves."

"She cannot be discharged without my approval."

"Says Dr. Sloan." Molly said, "But he's an asshole and I say otherwise, too bad the discharge nurse took my side and not yours."

Her mouth fell open and Molly pulled Meredith out of the room. She didn't stop pulling at her arm until they were down the hallway and back into the hospital room Meredith had been inhabiting for almost a week. Meredith frowned as Molly slammed the door close and locked it, she turned and looked at Meredith with a newfound light in her eyes.

"I believe you."


	43. I'll Help You

_Chapter 43: I'll Help You _

It was a dark night in Boston. There was little moonlight and the clouds covered most of it. The sound of a train roared through the night, shaking the old wooden building next to the tracks, an old loading station that was now abandoned. It wasn't a large space, about a ten by twelve room. There were holes in the windows and the door was hanging on by one hinge. It wasn't the kind of place you wanted to be in the middle of the day much less the middle of the night.

In the corner of that room was a pile of items. An army green sleeping bag, a duffle bag the same color full of wrinkled clothing. Two wrinkled pictures perched on the window seal. One of a young girl with brown curls, the other of a smiling blonde. A body stirred in the sleeping bag, a man's voice groaned in his sleep, beads of sweat fell down his face and matted down his lengthy brown hair. His hand absentmindedly ran over his beard and he stared tossing around.

"No." he muttered in his sleep. His arms started thrashing around against the wood floor and hitting and punching everything around him within a five-foot radius. His knuckles smashed into the floorboards and the walls, his feet kicking his sleeping bag off and across the small room, another train howled as it sailed by and shook the building "NO!"

He woke with a start and gasped as he sat up and looked around at the dark room. He panted to catch his breath and put his head in his hand, he felt it sore and something wet, he held it in the dim sliver of moonlight and saw his knuckles were busted open. He shook his head and sighed, he looked around and picked up one of the pictures with a shaky hand. He felt tears well at the rim of his eyes as he looked at it and then picked up the other. A soft sob rolled up his throat.

God he missed them so much, he wanted more than anything to be with them again. But in his condition, he couldn't, he wouldn't' ruin them any more than he already had. He would watch them, getting a daily fix from a rooftop, or a tree, or at times he would get closer than he wanted to, but had to. He would creep into their rooms at night, he would watch them sleep. How beautiful it must feel to sleep in peace. They were moving on, and he was happy, it's what he wanted them to do. Deep down inside he hoped that he would be able to return to them, but it wasn't getting better.

He thought he was helping them, he thought he was sparing them. But after the incident he saw last week, he felt doubtful. His wife, love of his life, almost took her life. He saw the ambulance come to their home, he saw her being wheeled away, she looked so pale, almost dead. Their baby crying for her mommy, her only parent. He cringed and flinched at the pain the memory of that caused. He laid back and closed his eyes, he just wished that he could stop the dreams. He wished he could be his old self again, the self that she loved. He wished it would go away so he could be with them again…. but it wasn't going to, at least not on its own. He needed help.

* * *

Dr. Krista Wyatt was having an irritating morning, starting out she spilled coffee all down her blouse and had to change her entire outfit. And then her sister Kat, who was also a psychiatrist, working at the hospital across town, called and had to cancel their weekly lunch date. She had an adoring relationship with her sister, they were practically twins. Or Irish twins as everyone called them, seeing as how they were nine months and two weeks apart in age.

She really enjoyed the lunch time with her sister, someone who could understand her. She was very professional, especially about patient confidentiality, but knowing her sister was just as serious, it was nice to have someone to unload her chest every once in a while. And after the week she'd had, she really needed and wanted that time with her sister. She pulled up to her private practice office and got out of her car. She walked up the walkway while going through her keys to find the right one. She was startled to see someone sitting on the porch, next to the door. He looked homely, long hair, lengthy beard, wrinkled eyes and wearing a dirty army uniform. She sighed with more irritation.

"Look, I don't have any cash or food so you're better off at the shelter."

"I don't want food or money." He said, slowly standing up, he was tall.

"Well you have no reason to be here, this is my property, please go before you scare off patients."

"I need help." He said, his voice almost broke "I need you to help me."

"I have no help I can offer you."

"I need your services." He said, "I can pay you."

She saw something in his eyes, desperation, lost hope, something inside of him screamed at her and she felt her inner standards break down a little.

"Fine." She sighed, I can bump my first patient back a little, hurry up please."

"Thank you."

She unlocked the door and they walked into the office, turning on the lights, and he followed her into the back office where she worked. He waited for her to put her things away and get it in order and ready for the day.

"Have a seat." She said gesturing to the chair in the middle of the room, she took a seat behind her desk. "How can I help you?"

"I need you to help me find myself again." He said, "I need you to help me be me again."

"I don't know who you were before." She scoffed a little "How can I possibly do that?"

"Look, I know I'm not much to look at. I know you think I'm here as some kind of joke. But there's people I love, people that used to care about me, and they're hurting. I need to get back to them."

"What's stopping you?"

"I have a….what I see as a severe case of PTSD."

"Ha." She laughed "And you self-diagnosed? What are you some kind of doctor?"

"Yeah." He said "I am." Her mouth snapped shut as she looked at him in shock "Or I was."

"Ok." She gulped, somehow, he seemed to be telling her the truth "Well how did you get PTSD?"

"I'm a trauma surgeon." He said "I joined the Army to get the experience, and my dad was an army doctor. I wanted to be just like him, I wanted to save lives. But war was something I never could have imagined. It was horrible. And I wanted to go back home to my wife and daughter."

"You have a wife and daughter?" she asked, "Do they know where you are?"

"No." he said, "They think I'm dead." She returned to her look of shock and he continued "I was on my way home, almost to the airstrip to catch a flight back to Boston when we were all attacked. The convoy I was in, they killed everyone. But they stopped at me, they saw that I was a doctor and of use. So, they took me by force, and they blew everyone up to make them all hardly recognizable, they wanted to make it look like I was dead too, they didn't want anyone coming after me." He took a long deep breath and glanced up to see that she was still listening intently "I did as they asked to stay alive, I saved and helped the enemy. When I wasn't of use to them, they would tie me up, beat me, only feed me enough to keep me alive and nourished enough to work."

"My god." She whispered, "How did you get out?"

"I may be a doctor, but I'm a trained army-man as well." He said, "It took me a while, but I finally figured out an escape strategy. One night after a drunken celebration, they were all passed out. I managed to cut myself free and just…ran."

"You ran?"

"Yeah, I ran." He said "I knew that they would find me eventually, but I had to try to get away, as far as I could. And I kept going, and going, and finally I found myself on friendly ground. By some divine miracle, I made it here."

"You have no desire to see your wife?" she asks.

"I can't hurt her."

"How would seeing you hurt her?"

"I have….I have night terrors, I swing and punch and hit things in my sleep." He said, she glanced down at his knuckles as he flexed them and saw scabs of where they'd been broken open "I keep having dreams, and I can't stop them. I can't fall asleep next to her; I can't let her see me like this."

He put his face in his hands and started to break down. She felt a lump in her throat to watch a grown man, and such a hero at that, cry as a child would. She gulped and slowly walked over to him, she placed her hand on his shoulder and knelt down in front of him. His watery blue eyes looked up at her.

"Ok," she said "I'll help you.

* * *

**So, now you have it! Derek is alive! What are you thoughts?**


	44. Sessions with Dr Wyatt

_Chapter 44: Sessions with Dr. Wyatt _

"You look a little better today." Krista said, "Better than the last few weeks of sessions."

"Um. Thanks." Derek mumbled. He was wearing clean clothes, his beard shaved, and he managed to go get a trim. "I guess."

"I probably already know this, but how are you feeling?"

"It's not getting better Doc." He said and glanced at his bruised knuckles "It's still happening."

"Ok Derek." She said, "Where are you right now."

"I'm in your office."

"Be vaguer."

"I'm in your office, in Boston."

"You are here, in a safe office, in Boston. You are on American soil and you have been for…"

"Seven months."

"For seven months." She repeated, he looked up at her "You have been out of enemy hands for seven long and safe months."

"I know." He said, "but I can't help the dreams."

"You can." She said "You have to grasp your reality. You have to convince yourself that you are well and safe. And you have to realize it even when you sleep."

"That's impossible." Derek scoffed "I have no control over my thoughts when I sleep."

"Why is it that you feel you can't see your wife?" she asks "Do you think she won't be able to handle this?"

"She doesn't need the weight of this." He said, "She doesn't need to hurt over this, it's my problem."

"Don't you think she's hurting already?" she asked "I mean she lost her husband; she thinks you're dead. That must have hurt more than anything in the world. I don't think she would be anything but overjoyed to see that you're alive."

"She would give up her life." He muttered "She would sacrifice everything to help me, to get me help, she would love me and hover over me and protect me and…she would get hurt. And I can't… I won't let that happen."

"I want you to do something real today Derek." She said "It has to make you happy; it has to be something to really drive the point that you are here and safe. Think of something for me, something that you would be doing right now on this day, had you not even gone over to Afghanistan."

Derek lowered his eyes and stared at the floor in thought for a moment. A knot formed in his throat and he looked up at her.

"Ophelia, my daughter, she'll turn 4 on Saturday." He said, "I would be buying her a present."

Krista smiled "Then go Derek, go buy your daughter a present."

* * *

"You came back." Dr. Kat Wyatt said with surprise as a blonde walked through the door, she nodded through her sniffles "What brings you back here Meredith?"

"I love him." She cried "I love my husband… so much, so much it could crush me! And I just… why can't that bring him back! Why can't my love pull him back."

"Because he's gone Meredith." She said calmly "Your husband isn't able to come back."

"I just, I feel so crazy." She whispers "I feel him around me still, and I feel like at any moment he'll knock on my door. And everyone else thinks I'm crazy… well everyone but Molly."

"What does Molly think?"

"She believes me." She said "She thinks Derek is around, leaving me little hints. But for whatever reason he's not ready to come home."

"Humor me." Dr. Wyatt frowned "Why would he be here, why would he not want to come home?"

"Maybe he's hurt." She said, "Maybe he's ashamed or hell I don't know…maybe he doesn't remember and us just knows that he's drawn to us for some reason."

"Meredith." She said "Your husband is dead. They don't make that kind of stuff up. And the longer you entertain this possibility you've created in your mind. The more it's going to upset you." Meredith sniffled, and Dr. Wyatt glanced at her small belly "And the longer you are upset the more chances of having problems in your pregnancy that you're insisting on keeping."

"I have to." Meredith squeaked "I have to believe, because if I don't. If I don't then I will have absolutely no hope, I will have nothing!"

"And you will have to face the fact that life sucks." She said "Meredith, you came to me, because you obviously want some help. Is that right?"

"I'm trying to let him go….and I can't do it alone."

"No one expects you to." She said softly "It just takes one realistic step at a time."

"Ok." Meredith whispered "Ok."


	45. Ophelia's Birthday

_Chapter 45: Ophelia's Birthday_

"That was a lovely party." She said as she helped Meredith carry dishes to the sink.

"Thank you Carolyn." Meredith smiled as she set a pile into the sink "I'm really glad you and Mike came."

"Of course." She scoffed, "Ophelia is our granddaughter. And you will always be a daughter to me."

"Thank you." Meredith smiled "That really means a lot to me."

"Of course dear." She smiled and squeezed her shoulder.

Meredith let out a soft sigh and with it came a wave of strong nausea, she gagged before turning over the sink and tossing her cake and ice cream into the sink. Carolyn looked on in shock and worry as she grabbed a paper towel for Meredith.

"Oh Meredith." She gasped "Are you ok?"

Meredith sniffled as she wiped off her mouth and waited for the nausea to pass. She wasn't sure how to tell Carolyn that she was with child, though Meredith still hoped it was Derek's, there was no way Georgia would believe it. And it may break her heart. She felt tears sting her eyes and she looked at the second mother in her life.

"I'm pregnant." She gulped.

Carolyn's mouth dropped open and then snapped shut. So many emotions played in her eyes, hurt, sadness, betrayal, anger. Her eyes glistened with the hint of tears and she cleared her throat to keep herself composed.

"Oh…so soon." She raised her brow "Well I see."

"Carolyn, it's not what you think."

"I really don't need the details Meredith." She mumbled, pressed her lips together and looked away "Well I hope you'll be happy with…whoever it is."

"Carolyn."

"I'll be leaving now." She said and walked out of the room in a hurry "Michael, I want to go!"

He looked up to see her rush out the door, he frowned and glanced at Meredith before following his wife. Meredith bit her lip to keep from crying, as Ophelia started to walk up to her with a confused expression on her face. And it was her day, her birthday, and the birthday girl shouldn't cry. Meredith blinked her tears away and crouched down to be eye level with her daughter and smiled.

"Hey sweetie." Meredith smiled "Did you have a fun day?"

"Yes." She said, "Why did grandma and grampa leave so soon?"

"I think they were just in a hurry to get somewhere honey." She said, "They'll talk to you soon, I'm sure."

"But gramma looked mad." She frowned "Why is gramma mad?"

"Grandma is just upset with mommy." She said, "It has nothing to do with you, she's very happy with you and loves you very much."

"But what did you do Mommy? Why make her mad?"

Meredith gulped, and sucked in a deep breath, she'd have to tell Ophelia soon enough "Gramma is upset because Mommy has a baby in her tummy, and that makes Gramma sad."

"Why?" Ophelia frowned as if the news wasn't new to her "Daddy put the baby in your tummy, just like he put me in your tummy, why is that bad?"

Meredith's brow raised as she tried to think of a response, but it was as if Ophelia got it, as if it all clicked to her like pieces to a puzzle and made perfect sense to the four year old. Meredith pressed her lips together and nodded.

"Why indeed." Was all she could say "I guess Gramma just needs time to think about it. Everyone still feels Daddy is in heaven and will be forever so they don't know that he could put a baby in my tummy. They think someone else might have."

"But mommy." Ophelia giggled "That's just silly!"

"It might be silly."

"But mommy." She frowned "Don't you believe, don't you know that Daddy is still here?"

Meredith opened her mouth, not sure how she should reply. She knew what her heart told her, and she knew what her head and most her friends told her. She just felt so confused, she heard footsteps and looked up to see Molly walk into the living room with a flower paper wrapped box in her hand, she looked dumbfounded as she looked at Meredith.

"Um." Molly frowned "This was on the back porch."

Meredith frowned as she stood up and Ophelia skipped over to Molly and held her arms open to receive her present. Molly and Meredith looked at each other as if not sure what to think as Ophelia tore into the paper.

"It's from Daddy!" she squealed.

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked, "How do you know?"

"I just know." She smiled as she opened the box and gasped, she pulled out a beautiful glass globe, it had a gold stand with antiquate designs, she shook it and glitter swarmed around the water inside of it. "What is it Mommy?"

"It's called a snow globe." Meredith said as she sat down on the floor next to her.

"What's inside the snow globe?" she asked.

Meredith took the offered object and looked closely, it was a small old city, and in the middle was a tall tower, a very, very familiar tower.

"Oh my god." Meredith mumbled, she looked up at Molly "It's Paris."

"As in Paris, France?" Molly gasped "As in the place you and Derek..."

"Met." Meredith said.

"Look Mommy!" Ophelia giggled, Meredith looked over to see her pulling a pink shoulder length wig onto her head and Meredith reared her head back and looked in awe.

"Molly." Meredith squeaked out "How is this possible…how is this happening!"

Molly let a sly grin grace her lips "Meredith, why does everything have to have an explanation."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… whether you know why or not…it's happening. Maybe just wait and see what happens next?"

"I'm trying _REALLY_ hard here, to not feel like a crazy person."

"You're not a crazy person." Molly said, "This is really happening, your daughter is really wearing a pink hooker wig."

"It's not a hooker wig." Meredith glared "Costume wig."

"That hookers wear." Molly giggled.

Meredith wasn't sure what was going on. Or why it was, or especially how. But she wasn't seeing things. There was only one person who could have sent it, and it wasn't so much a present as it was a message, and a sign….

* * *

"Mommy." Ophelia whispered as she laid next to Meredith in the hammock, she looked over and giggled when she heard a soft snore come from her mommy and looked up at the stars "Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder where you are." She heard a rustle in the rose bushes in the corner of the yard and gasped. She gently got off the hammock and skipped towards the area of the yard just as a large figure stepped out, she grinned up at them "Hi Daddy."

"Hi princess." He smiled and crouched down to give her a kiss "Happy birthday."

"Thank you Daddy." She smiled brightly "I wish you came to my party."

"I'm sorry honey." He said, "Daddy couldn't make it."

"Can you come home soon Daddy?"

"I'm trying Lia." He said, "Daddy is trying, just like you told me to."

"Well try harder Daddy." She whined a little "Because Mommy is getting really sad and tired."

"I'm sorry, I'll hurry for mommy." He said, "But you keep taking care of her for me until I get better ok."

"Ok." She nodded "But who's gonna take care of the baby?"

"Baby?" Derek frowned "You're four years old now Annabelle, hardly a baby."

"No." Ophelia giggled and shook her brown curls at him "The baby in mommy's tummy."

Derek reared his head back as he choked over what his daughter said "There's….there's a baby in mommy's tummy?"

"Yes." She nodded "And Gramma got mad at her, but I told Mommy to tell Gramma that you put the baby in there, so she won't be mad. But Mommy said no one would believe her and that Gramma still loves me very much." She frowned "Daddy why is Gramma mad?"

"Gramma thinks that I'm still in heaven honey." He said "People who are in heaven can't put babies in mommy's tummy, so she thinks…" he stopped knowing that his daughter doesn't need to know 'everything' and sighed "Sweetie, does mommy think that Daddy put the baby there?"

"Mommy wants to." She pouted "I try to tell her that you're real, but unka Mark and auntie Lexie tell her she's crazy and make her go see a doctor that always makes her cry. I don't like that doctor Daddy. I think if you comed home that they wouldn't tell her to go see the shrink wrap lady again."

"Well I'm going to try harder honey, I promise."

"Ophelia?" they heard called out from the other side of the yard.

"I have to go honey." He whispered and kissed her "I love you."

"Daddy." She whispered but he was gone.

"Ophelia." Meredith called out as she climbed out of the hammock, she fixed her sleepy eyes on her daughter "Honey, I'm sorry. Mommy fell asleep."

"It's ok Mommy." She smiled "Daddy was with me."

Meredith gave her a painful smile and nodded. "That's good."

She didn't have the energy or heart to argue with her on her birthday. She took her hand and they walked to the backdoor.

"Come on Princess, time for bed."


	46. She Needs to Know

_Chapter 46: She Needs to Know_

"What's going on, Derek?" Krista asked, "You seem bothered by something."

"I'm bothered by everything." He muttered and rubbed his tired eyes "I'm bothered that this is my life now, I'm bothered that I feel like I have no control."

"But you do." She said, "You just need to figure out how to take control back."

"I'm trying, but it's not good enough." He sighed "I went and saw Ophelia."

"Oh." She raised her brow "How did that go."

"Good." He mumbled "It's so easy to talk to her. It's so easy to look my daughter in the eye and talk to her. It's like she understands, like she's a clean slate, no hurt feelings. It's just so simple with her."

"And your wife?"

"I didn't see her." He said just above a whisper "When she came outside, I ran."

"Why did you run?"

"I just… I got scared." He gulped "I know that she should know…but I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of hurting her more."

"But you said you only have terrors at night, in your sleep."

"That's not what I mean." He said, she nodded for more information "What if this doesn't get better, what if I never go back home. What's that going to do to her to know that I'm alive and then go away forever…." His voice broke and he sniffled "It would kill her."

"Derek." She sighed "You can do this. But I don't think you can do it alone, I know you don't think you're ready, and that you'll hurt her more. But I really think it would be beneficial to tell your wife."

"She's hurting enough already." He mumbled and stared at his boot "She hurts enough already."

"Has she tried to kill herself again?"

"I don't think she tried to in the first place." He muttered in defense, he looked up at her and sighed "My wife is pregnant with our second child."

Krista's mouth dropped open in shock, she raised her brow "How did that happen?"

"She started to move on, but I think she was more shoved into a date. Our friends…her friends, I think they just wanted to see her happy again."

"You didn't want to see it happen?"

"Not necessarily." He said through his teeth "But in a way, I was happy for her."

"So what made you jump in?"

"He tried to rape her." Derek hissed, his face turned red and he was visibly very angry "I could have killed the bastard! She told him no god damnit!"

"Ok." Krista said calmly and reached out for him "Ok Derek, it's ok. It's over and she's fine right?"

"Right." He said taking a few calming breaths "I saved her…I had to. I had to take the chance of revealing myself to save her."

"You did a good thing." She said "See, you saved her from hurt Derek." She let a moment of calm silence go between them "So I'm guessing you didn't leave right away?"

"No." he mumbled "She was standing there, crying and telling me that I was supposed to be dead. I just…" he ground his teeth together and his eyes watered "Meredith has always been my weakness, and I absolutely cannot see her cry. It literally kills me. So, I went to comfort her and…and well we ended up conceiving the baby."

"If that happened, how can you expect her to believe she dreamed it?"

"I tried to cover my tracks well." He said, "I wasn't ready, I'm still not ready."

"But obviously she knows something had to happen that night." She said, "Something happened to get her pregnant."

"I know." He sighed and set his head in his hands as he hunched over "This is a mess."

"And in a way you've made it." She said "Now…clean it up."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"You already know what to do Derek." She smiled softly "You just have to actually do it."

* * *

"Hi, it's me." Derek mumbled to himself as he folded laundry in the laundry mat that night "That's lame…." He sighed "Hey babe, guess what…. that's even worse." He cursed to himself "Meredith, I'm alive." He pounded his fist against the table and muttered a profanity to himself, he heard a few gasps around the room and looked over apologetically to a few old women in the facility "Sorry."

He sighed and tried to think of something else as he went back to folding laundry. But it was hard not to when all that would enter his mind was her face. Her beautiful breathtaking face clouded his mind and all he wanted to do was see it again, to touch it, even if it was to wipe the tears off her cheeks. He felt his heart speed and gallop in his chest, anxiety came with those thoughts and in his condition, he didn't need any anxiety.

"Derek?" he heard and jumped. Shit, too late to pretend to be someone else now. His eyes went back to the woman standing a few washers down with shock and relief plastered all over her face "Oh god…. Derek!"

"Molly." He mumbled. He tried to think of something else to say, something to shoo her away and make her keep her mouth shut, but truth is, it was good to see her. "What brings you to the bad part of town?"

"I was picking up take out." She said with an astonished expression as she looked at him with a little disbelief still in her eyes "What are you doing here?"

"You mean why am I here and not dead?"

"Yeah." She frowned "And why aren't you running back home?"

"I can't." he shook his head "I can't yet Molly."

"Why the hell not." She scoffed "Do you have any idea what Meredith has been through, what she's going through right now…do you have any clue at all?"

"YES!" he screamed and pounded a rock solid fist against the counter again, everyone in the room jumped and stared at him with wide eyes, he blew out a deep breath "Yes….I know."

"Then how could you…" she started to say then was cut off by the sound of a car backfiring, or a gunshot.

Suddenly she was being thrown through the air and felt something heavy pin her down onto the ground. She gasped and hit her head against the floor, then looked around her to see she was pinned between the wall and some washers, Derek laying protectively on top of her, he was breathing heavily and shaking.

"Don't move!" he hissed "Don't move and they won't see us."

"Derek no one's here."

"Shut up or you'll get us killed!"

She opened her mouth to speak but could easily tell he was in some kind of trance, having some kind of panic attack. She waited a few quiet moments and then reached up and touched her hand against his face. That seemed to break him out of his trance and look at her.

"Derek." She whispered "You're ok, we're ok, it was just a car backfire. You're here in a laundry mat. No one is going to get you."

He panted a little while catching his breath then pulled himself off of Molly and sat with his head between his knees. She looked at him wide eyed, afraid to touch him, seeing how fragile of a man that he was now. He finally picked his head up and looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"Do you see now." He said with a broken voice "You see why I can't be near her…I'll hurt her, so much more than I already have."

"I see." She whispered "I see…but she needs to at least know. Little hints aren't enough Derek, she needs to know."

Derek took in a deep breath and looked up at the lights on the ceiling as he blew it slowly out.

"I know."

* * *

**Should Meredith know that Derek is alive?**


	47. Against Ethics

_Chapter 47: Against Ethics_

"Oh Kat." Krista Wyatt sighed as she sat down at the lunch table of a restaurant patio "I'm so glad that you agreed to lunch this week."

"Yeah." Kat mumbled into her drink "Well I think I need it just as much as you do."

"Rough week?" she asked, her sister nodded "Me too!"

"It's been mostly pleasant, but there's just this one patient of mine that's driving me up the wall."

"Same here, it's like I'm getting nowhere with him."

"Exactly." Kat nodded "She's struggling with what I would call a very severe case of PTSD and she's getting to the point that she's delusional."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." She said, "My patient just doesn't want to see to grasp onto his reality, it's like he just doesn't want to recognize where he's at."

"Nor does my patient." Kat groaned "She seems to think that her dead husband is miraculously still alive. She just absolutely does not want to accept it and we're getting nowhere."

"Well my guy was presumed dead, but he's suffering from night terrors. And he won't go ease his wife's grief by telling her that he's really alive and well." She sighed "I just don't know what to tell Derek anymore."

"Derek." Kat frowned "My patient's husband was named Derek, and he died in the war."

"How very coincidental." She laughed "As long as her name isn't Meredith." Kat looked at her with a dropped expression and a slow steady gasp screamed up Krista's throat "It's Meredith!"

"Derek's alive!"

"And you're telling Meredith to grasp the fact that he isn't?"

"Well had I not know this, you would have too!"

"Holy shit." She muttered "What are we going to do?"

"We can't do anything." Kat sighed "It's against ethics to get each other's cases involved with each other."

"But Derek is alive." Krista said, "And Meredith thinks he isn't."

"She thinks he is." Kat said "And I thought she was falling off the deep end, but now I see that she's right. It's everyone else who is making her think she's nuts."

"Well what do we do?"

"There's not much we can do."

"I'm trying to convince Derek into seeing his wife, at least letting her know that he's alive."

"That might be best." Kat said, "I suppose I can just cancel Meredith's appointments, delay in seeing her again until she sees Derek."

"It might be a while." Krista said, "Derek is very afraid that he'll end up hurting her."

"Doesn't he see how much she's hurting already?" Kat scoffed "Does he not see the benefits of at least telling her that he's breathing? Meredith is starting to lose it with all this confusion. He needs to give her a little rope."

"I agree sister." She sighed "But ethically we can only advise them."

"For their sake, you are right."

* * *

**What would you do if you were Kat and Krista?**


	48. Derek's Back

_Chapter 48: Derek's Back_

Meredith stared out the kitchen window and glared at the sun in her yard. It was bright and beautiful, but her mood was anything but. She watched as Ophelia played in the sand box and sang a little tune to herself and her dolls that she was playing with. Meredith was jealous, she wished that she could be as happy, cheerful and at peace as her daughter was. She looked down as she felt a bubble of movement in her gut. There was definitely a baby in there and had been there approximately 15 weeks and being her second baby, she was definitely showing already.

But what had her so stressed out, so depressed, so unable to grasp anything happy was just HOW that baby got in there 15 weeks ago. She was sure of what she remembered, but everyone was telling her no. Mark, Lexie, and even the shrink…well that is until she kept rescheduling on her. She sighed and heard the doorbell ring. Meredith turned and went to answer it, wondering who it was and hoping they wouldn't stay long. She opened the door and almost jumped when she saw Mike and Carolyn, they didn't seem happy to see her either.

Their eyes held a lot of hurt and pain, especially when they saw her pregnant belly, but then again, they probably had the right to. No one could wrap their mind around the fact that she had a dead man's baby inside of her. Molly appeared behind them as she pushed him inside the threshold, Mark and Lexie followed her, they looked confused and curious.

"In you go." Molly ordered, they all grumbled as they made their way to the living room and took seats.

"Molly?" Meredith frowned "What's going on?"

"You too." She pointed to the living room.

"What is going on?"

"You'll see if you just go take a seat."

"But.."

"No butts!" she hissed and smacked her hand against Meredith's rear end, she scoffed but turned and walked into the living room. She sighed and sat on the couch in between Lexie and Mark, trying to avoid Mike and Carolyn's faces in case they decided to throw her a glare. "Thank you all for coming."

"It's not like we had a choice." Mark scoffed.

"Shut it manwhore!" Molly growled.

"What's going on?" Lexie sighed heavily "I mean seriously we're all here now, you need to tell us _WHY_ we're here."

"Obviously not to visit." Meredith muttered under her breath, Lexie glanced over at her with a remorseful look.

"Sorry sis."

Meredith shrugged and looked up at Molly "I'm sure we'd all like to know what's the importance of this meeting?"

"And I'm getting to it." Molly said, she looked around at everything and took a deep breath "Look I didn't mean to be mysterious, but I feel you all deserve to know something," she looked at Carolyn "To have things cleared up….that things aren't as they seem."

"Really." Carolyn sighed "Molly I appreciate your concern for your sister but if she wants to move on so quickly, she has a…right to."

"She didn't move on!" Molly defended "And if you would listen to me you would understand that!" Carolyn cowered back a little and nodded that she would listen "Something happened to Meredith a few months ago. She did make an attempt to move on, but only because some of us were pushing her into it."

Mark and Lexie pressed their lips together, expressions of guilt crossed their faces, Meredith looked tormented at what Molly was saying and looked up with red watery eyes.

"Molly." Meredith mumbled "You don't have to explain, we don't need to hear it again."

"Meredith was raped…" Molly blurted, Carolyn and Michael looked shocked as they glanced over at her "Almost anyway," The three heads on the couch whipped up at her "Someone saved her."

"Molly!" Lexie hissed "Seriously!"

"Molly please." Mark growled "She's having a hard-enough time with her reality as it is, you're pushing her over the god damn edge!"

"Am I?" Molly muttered "Or are you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mark snapped.

Meredith just kept looking back and forth, tears rimming her eyelids as she could only listen to each person speak. They heard the doorbell ring again, Meredith looked up towards the door and started to scoot off the couch, Molly put her hand out.

"I'll get it."

Molly turned and walked to the door. She opened it and smiled at the set of anxious blue eyes staring at her hesitantly. He was clean, shaved with exception of a little stubble, wearing clean blue jeans, a dark t-shirt and his hair had been trimmed shorter. His hands were shoved in his pocket as if it were a nervous habit, or as if his hands were shaking and he needed somewhere to put them.

"Hey." Molly whispered, "You ready?"

"I don't know." He whispered back.

"Did you take the anxiety meds today?" she asked. He nodded "Then you'll be ok, you can do this."

He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. She turned to let him in, and he took a few steps inside, she turned to see a room full of shocked faces all locking eyes on him.

"Is this some kind of joke Molly!" Mark gasped.

Derek stepped further into the room, scanning each face but then locking his eyes on those of green. Eyes that held so much pain, tears running out of them, it hurt him to see, but he knew the only way to make this better was to do this.

"I'm not a figment of your imagination Mark." Derek spoke finally, his voice rough with nerves "I'm here….alive."

"But…" Lexie stuttered "How…."

"I was taken hostage, the enemy made it look like I was dead so that the army wouldn't come looking for me. They wanted a doctor to treat their soldiers." He glanced over at his parents, his mother was tearing up as well "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." His father mumbled "This is…. this is better than anyone could imagine."

"I'm sorry because I didn't come home right away." He said, "I'm sorry I've been distant."

"For how long?" Mark asked.

"For months." Derek murmured, his eyes returning to Meredith.

She looked down at her lap, at the belly partially covering it. She pressed her lips together and breathed through her nose as if trying to keep her calm, to keep from going into an anxiety attack herself. She scooted off the couch and stood up, everyone else seemed to look over as well, feeling the guilt of all their scrutiny towards her over the months. She looked at Derek finally, eyes wide with so many emotions, she opened her mouth to say something, and snapped it shut. A hand flew over her mouth and she shook her head and rushed out of the room and up the stairs, a moment later a door slammed close. Derek turned but Molly stopped him.

"Let her go." She said, "She's been through a lot and she needs to process everything." She gulped "She's probably very angry right now too and going up there won't help."

He shook his head and gulped, then turned back to the rest of the people in the room. His mother let out a gasping sob and stood up, she rushed over to him and threw her arms around his shoulders.

"Oh Derek!" she cried "Oh you're alive! Please tell me I'm not dreaming…you're alive!"

"I'm alive mom." Derek mumbled "I'm really alive."

"Daddy?" they heard in a soft voice behind them, Derek turned to see Ophelia standing in the foyer, a smile grew on her face "Daddy!"

He smiled as he reached down and scooped her up when she came running, he held her tightly and kissed her curls.

"Are you back now?" she asked.

"I'm back."


	49. Anger and Hurt

_Chapter 49: Anger and Hurt_

Meredith laid on her bed for what felt like hours. She couldn't move, barely breathing, as tears chapped her cheeks. After all this time, all the pain and tears and wondering, people telling her she was crazy to believe the impossible….and there he was, walking through their door almost as if he'd never left.

She heard the door to the bedroom open and footsteps walk in and stop at the side of the bed, she glanced up to a pair of blue eyes before she turned and rolled over, her back facing him. He sighed heavily and lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I know you're angry." He said softly "And you have every right to be."

"You made me feel like I was crazy." She mumbled "You made me feel like I had a psychotic disorder."

"I know." He gulped "And I'll never be able to make that up to you." He sighed "I can't even think of a way to make that right."

"There is no way." She said, "There's no way to get that time back."

"Meredith, please. Take some time to work through the many, many emotions you're going through right now…. not to mention the pregnancy hormones." He sighed "But don't be gone too long."

"I need some time to myself right now, Mark." She sighed "Just please, leave me alone."

"We'll give you your space Mer."

"Send Ophelia up when you leave." She said, "I don't want her wandering the house alone."

"She's not alone Mer." Mark said, "She's with her father."

"Right." Meredith whispered and closed her eyes.

Mark squeezed her shoulder and got up and left her alone, hopefully she could get some sleep. He walked out into the hallway and down the stairs to where a few of the others were still gathered in the foyer. They looked up at him curiously as he descended the stairs.

"She's resting." He said, "Or trying to."

"She's not going to go postal on us, is she?" Lexie asked. Molly glared at her.

"If you're lucky, no." she said, "But she needs time to breathe, and we should give it to her."

"Agreed." Carolyn said, "I think we all owe her an enormous apology, but for now let her breathe." She turned to Derek who looked to be sulking a little "Son, I don't know what your sleeping plans are, but you are welcome to have your old bedroom back until you sort things out."

"Thanks mom." Derek smiled slightly "I'm not sure yet…"

"There are three empty bedrooms in this house." They heard from the top of the stairs, all heads turned to see Meredith standing at the top landing "And your name is still on the title, there's no reason you can't sleep here."

"Meredith." He breathed, then found his feet carrying him up the stairs.

"Don't." she shook her head, her eyes flooding again "Don't come closer."

He stopped a few stairs down from where she stood. "Mer, I know you're angry. I just want to talk…I understand."

"Do you!" she muttered and glared "Somehow, I doubt that. Because if you did, then you would turn around and walk away. Because you would know that I am THIS close to throwing your ass down the god damn staircase!"

She let out a sob and turned around and rushed back into her room, slamming the door again and this time locking it. Derek gulped and turned back to the audience that saw that display of anger, it was mixed with humbled expressions and those of shock.

"Whoa." Ophelia mumbled "Mama mad!"

"Yeah," Molly mumbled as she squeezed Ophelia's hand "Mama's mad."

Derek sighed and collapsed down onto the stairs, putting his head into his hands and tried to calm himself. He felt someone climb the stairs and sit next to him, putting a large hand on his shoulder for support.

"I can't imagine how you're feeling right now," he said, "But don't disappear again."

"I won't disappear dad." He mumbled "I broke this, now I need to fix it." He sighed "no matter how hard it'll be.


	50. You Could Have Came Here

_Chapter 50: You Could Have Come Here_

**Sorry about Aunt Susan being going, I'll be honest I forgot about her, but I missed her too... so, this update is in dedication of Aunt Susan. Enjoy!**

* * *

"What's going on inside of you darling?" Susan asked, she and Meredith were taking a walk around the neighborhood.

"What makes you think anything is going on?"

"You're forgetting I raised you." She said, "I know you Meredith, and you look like you've got a war going on inside of you."

"Maybe." She sighed.

"Talk to me." Susan said, "You should get it out."

"Now you sound like a shrink."

"Just someone who loves you." She said as she wrapped her arm around her niece. "Talk."

"I just feel so many things, it's just hard to put a finger on just one without the other popping up."

"Well what's the most you're feeling."

"I just feel so angry." Meredith sniffled "I don't want to, but I do…Derek is back and he's alive and I should be grateful."

"But you're not?"

"I don't feel grateful." Meredith whimpered, they slowed to a stop and Susan turned, taking her hands in hers "I just, I feel so betrayed."

"That's understandable."

"I mean all those months.. he was here and I knew it! I knew it and he didn't come home. And everyone told me I was crazy, they hospitalized me, and they told me I was a sick, sick person for believing it. And I just…I don't know how to feel!"

"I know honey." Susan said softly and wrapped her arms around Meredith "But you've got to breathe, and take it one day, one emotion at a time. You're a strong girl but you're not made of steel."

"Am I wrong to feel angry?"

"No." Susan shook her head "I would be pissed off too."

"I could kill someone." She said, "I could strangle everyone."

"Well that won't solve anything dear." Susan smiled "Though it might make you feel better. I say talking is better, even if you're angry."

"I haven't been able to look at Derek yet." She sniffled "I can't look at him."

"Well you need to talk eventually." Susan said, "Though I feel it was wrong to be gone so long, you never know, he could have had a reason."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Derek loves you. He loves you more than anything in the world, Meredith. Do you honestly think that he would have left and stayed away unless something was wrong, unless he had a good reason?"

"But what reason?"

"I don't know." Susan smiled "The only way to find out is to talk to him."

"I don't think I'm ready yet."

"I know." She said, "Rome wasn't built in a day."

* * *

After their walk, Susan helped make dinner as Meredith went upstairs to get some rest. She felt better after her talk with her aunt and missed having them. But Susan's store was growing, and she had little time, and with Meredith's depression she had little ambition to leave the house.

When Meredith woke up it was dark, the middle of the night. She sighed and turned over, noticing that she was still alone in her bed. She sniffled, wondering if she dreamed all that up too. But then she heard it, the sound of someone struggling. She listened and heard something crash, she grabbed the phone and got up quickly, throwing her robe on as she flung her bedroom door open and peeked her head out into the hallway and into Ophelia's room.

It was dark and quiet, she was sleeping perfectly. She heard a thud and turned towards the noise; it was coming from the bedroom at the end of the hallway. She gulped and wondered what was going on, if Derek had heard it too, then she remembered he was staying here, and worried that maybe he was the one in the struggle. She raced to the bedroom and opened the door.

"No!" he cried out "No get away! Let me go! Let me go!"

"Derek." She hissed "What the hell are you doing?"

"Let me go!" he cried, seeming to not have heard her "No let me go you bastards!"

He threw his fist through the air and knocked the bedside table over, she gasped and jumped as it crashed against the floor. He beat his fists against the wall and seemed to be in some kind of a trance.

"Derek." She said his name loudly. "Derek wake up!"

"You bastards!" he hissed and looked in her direction but not at her "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

He took a few charging steps towards her and acted as if he were raising his fist to fight, she widened her eyes and gasped to herself. In defense she raised her own hand and slapped it across his face.

"Snap out of it!" she hissed.

He fell to his knees and cradled his welted cheek. She looked down at him, fuming almost in fear of almost being pummeled by him. A sob rang through the room and he started to shake, her anger vanished, and her hand covered her mouth as she stifled her own cry, she didn't mean to hurt him.

"Please." He whimpered out "Please just let me go. I need to get back to my family, just let me go."

He was still dreaming. She sniffled and lowered herself to her knees, she placed her hands on the sides of his cheeks and lifted his eyes to meet hers, they were clouded and distracted as if he were still somewhere else.

"Derek." She said in a calm clear voice "Derek look at me, look at me." She sniffled, his eyes flickered a little and focused on her "You're not in danger, you're here, home. Look, see my face. You're with me, baby you're with me now."

He gasped and blinked a few times, his eyes became clearer and more focused.

"What happened?" he whispered

"I'm not quite sure." She said, "But I think you were having quite the bad dream."

"Oh god." He squeezed his eyes shut "I'm sorry."

"It's over now, it's fine." She said, "I just thought someone was trying to kill you."

"No Meredith." He said in a voice of desperation, "I…am…so, so sorry."

She gulped, her eyes scanning his broken face "You've been through a lot." She whispered, her voice trembling with tears "You should get some sleep."

"Meredith please."

"You could have come here." She said, the tears making their way down her face "I could have helped you."

"I didn't want to burden you."

"For better or worse Derek." She muttered through her tears "I took the vow, for better or worse."

She started to get up but her grabbed her arm gently "Please!" he gasped "Please don't leave me yet."

She saw his hands still shaking from the dream, her heart hitched in her chest and once again her anger stepped aside to let her compassion settle in. Though she was angry beyond belief at him, she still loved him, and he was hurting, she couldn't ignore that.

"Ok." She whispered and sat down.

Then she pulled him down, resting his head in her lap and started running her fingers through his hair, much like she did with Ophelia when she had a bad dream. Slowly his shaking calmed, his tears disappeared, and his breath steadied into a deep sleep. She breathed a deep breath of relief, for the first time in a long, long time.


	51. Too Long?

_Chapter 51: Too Long?_

"You look different today Derek." Krista said, "As if you're a whole new person."

"I saw my wife." He said, "I told her that I'm alive."

"Good." She smiled "How did that go?"

"Well, she's upset that I waited so long." He said, "But she's happy that I'm alive."

"As is predictable."

"So she's going to help me from here on out." Derek smiled and stood up "Thank you for your services doctor."

"Oh…but…Derek." She stuttered. "You're not done."

"I'll be fine." He smiled "I'm happy and Meredith can help me now. I'll be ok."

"Derek wait." She called out but he was already out the door, she sighed and shook her head "This won't end well."

* * *

"Meredith?" Dr. Wyatt mumbled when her door opened unexpectedly "What are you doing here?"

"Well you keep rescheduling my appointments so I figure this is the only way to talk to you."

"By barging in?"

"You knew didn't you?"

"Knew what?"

"That's why you wouldn't see me." She sniffled "Because you knew that Derek was alive. And you couldn't look me in the face anymore and tell me he wasn't."

"I'm sorry." She said, "I'm obligated to the oath of ethics I took; I couldn't tell you."

"Screw ethics!" Meredith glared "Do you have any idea what I went through!"

"I only just found out Meredith." She said, "Take a deep breath."

"Oh don't you tell me when to breathe!" she muttered "I'll breathe when I feel…. like breathing."

"You're angry, and it's natural to feel that way. But please, just take it little by little."

"I'm tired of being angry." Meredith sighed and fell onto the couch in the office, she laid her head back and looked at the ceiling "I'm so, so exhausted. But I'm tired of being angry."

"How much have you and Derek talked?"

"Hardly at all." She said, "Words don't come to me when he's around, I feel so awkward around him now."

"Well you were alone for a long time."

"He's my husband." She said "And I still love him just as much. But why do I have to feel awkward. It's like I don't know him anymore."

"You need to give yourself time." She said "Maybe make a little effort to spend some time alone with him. Get to know him again."

"I don't know." Meredith shook her head "Maybe it's just been too long."

"It's only too long if you truly believe it.


	52. We Need Help

_Chapter 52: WE… Need Help_

Meredith stopped at the grocery store before heading home, hoping that a little mindless behavior would calm her nerves. When she pulled into the driveway, she saw Derek swinging Ophelia in the front yard swing. As she got the groceries out of the car to carry them into the house, she felt the bags vanish from her arms and looked up to see a warm pair of blue eyes smiling at her.

"Hi." She mumbled.

"Don't worry about the groceries." He said, "I can get them."

"Right." She nodded "I keep forgetting." He frowned "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to someone being here."

"Oh." His eyes seemed a little hurt, but he nodded "That's understandable."

She smiled softly and then walked into the house, Ophelia jogged after her and went up to her room to play as Meredith went into the kitchen to put the groceries away. Derek of course, helped.

"Glad to see everything is in the same place."

"Yeah." Meredith mumbled.

"It seems like a lot of things are."

"Yep."

"I guess you must have just liked where things were?"

"Uh-huh."

"Meredith." He sighed, his voice sounded troubled and caused her to stop and look "Talk to me."

"I…I'm talking." She gulped "I'm speaking and talking and we're…we're talking."

"No." he said "You're responding, you're not talking."

"Well what do you want me to say?" she scoffed "You're talking to me about things still being in the cupboards and the milk still goes on the top shelf of the refrigerator…how exactly am I supposed to talk about that?"

"You can barely look at me." He said, "You hardly say anything to me." He gulped "Do you want me to be here?"

She gasped to herself and narrowed her eyes "Of course I want you to be here. do you not want to be here? Do you want to leave because I'm not chatting your ear off!"

"We need to talk." He said, "A lot of things happened and we're not talking about them."

"Well they were very painful things Derek. I'd rather not relive them."

"I hurt you." He admitted "I hurt you very deeply, and you're holding it in, it's not good."

"You sound very psychological there, doctor, and for someone who can't even make it through a night without breaking something." She muttered, he visibly flinched, causing her to immediately regret saying it "Sorry."

"I want to hear it Meredith." He mumbled "I want you to tell me how you feel. I need you."

"Why not talk about all this with your therapist?"

"I quit going." He said, she snapped her eyes up at him in shock "I feel better being around you, I won't need her."

"Derek!" she gasped "Yes you do! You're still having night terrors and have PTSD and that isn't going to go away just because I'm letting you sleep under the same roof! You've got to have someone to talk to!"

"And you don't want to be that someone?"

Meredith pressed her lips together to stop their trembling and tried to wish the tears boiling in her eyes away. She gulped and took a long steady breath before looking up at him.

"Not everything is the same Derek." She said softly "Things aren't the same."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want us back." She said "But you're not the same, and I'm not the same. We'll never be the same people we were, not ever. But we can try to get us back."

"I want us back too."

"I don't think we can do this by ourselves." She mumbled as tears sprung from her eyes "WE…need help."

"Ok." He gulped "I'll do anything."

Meredith sniffled and gave him a nod and look of relief.

"Me too."


	53. What's Your Issue?

_Chapter 53: What's Your Issue?_

"So." Dr. Wyatt mumbled and pursed her lips "What's your issue, Meredith?"

"I have no issue." She shrugged "He's the one with problems."

She heard a scoff next to her and a huffing sigh from the doctor.

"Are we going to spend a whole session digging inside of you for a problem again?"

"No." Meredith mumbled.

"Derek?" Wyatt asked, "What is your issue."

"With myself or the marriage?"

"Whatever comes to mind first."

"Well I'd like for her to open up to me a little more."

"I am open!" Meredith defended "And who are you to tell me that I'm not open. You went MIA for months!"

"Is that your issue with your husband?" Wyatt asked, "Because he was gone and could have been home."

"I suppose it's an issue." Meredith mumbled "It hurts, ya know?"

"I can imagine it would hurt." She nodded "And it might hurt your trust for him as well."

"Why would that make her not trust me?" Derek frowned "I wasn't out with other women; I lived in an old abandoned building and didn't shower. Why would you not trust me?"

"You didn't trust me to help you." Meredith muttered "You didn't trust our marriage; you didn't trust my vows. You were gone! You…. abandoned our marriage."

"I came back." He muttered angrily "I'm here now."

"But that doesn't mean damage wasn't done." Kat said "I understand that you were detained for quite some time. But you were gone on your own accord, because things were difficult for you?"

"I couldn't sleep without destroying things." He said, "I didn't want to hurt her."

"But you didn't trust her to be with you in the bad and ugly." Kat said "Now she's feeling that you might leave again, if things get any harder what security does she have that you won't leave again?"

"I won't." he said "I'm back and I'm staying back."

"You promised." She murmured, Derek's eyes snapped over to her and narrowed "You promised that you wouldn't leave me."

"I had no choice." He sighed and took a long cleansing breath "I love my wife, and I made a mistake. I put her through hell I know. If that's not the worst feeling in the world then I don't know what is. But I'm here for the long haul." He turned and looked at her with a soft, meaningful expression "And I'm not leaving you again…. not unless you ask me to."

Meredith rolled her eyes "I'm not asking you to leave, and I don't plan on it. Trust me, I would have already. That lamp you broke last night was my mothers, a one of a kind."

"That wasn't your mother's lamp." He frowned "Your mother's lamp is the porcelain one with the roses, not the square blue."

"It was my mother's lamp and you broke it!"

"Oh come on!" Kat yelped, causing them to both jump and look at her "I don't have time for this and neither do you two." She sighed heavily "Meredith, you've got to open up and talk to Derek about how you feel. You're doing the same thing in not trusting him with your feelings that he's done to you. So, you're only digging a deeper hole here." She looked at Derek "And you've got to let her have a little breathing room, you've got to trust her from now on and not shut down. If you need help rely on her…. agreed?"

They both nodded.

"Now… I want you two to go on a date. And try to be a little intimate with each other. I know it might be uncomfortable but the longer you push each other away the harder it will be to get back to what you both say you want back." She sighed "Now get out of my office."

They both sighed and stood up off the couch, grabbing their things. Derek held the door open for her as they walked out of the office.

"Damn she seemed bitchy today."

"Seriously, off of her meds or something." She giggled, Derek laughed, and their eyes found each other's. Both searching the others for some kind of sign of emotion "I'm sorry I haven't opened up very much."

"It's ok." He nodded "You're scared. I hurt you and you don't want to be hurt again."

"Yes." She said, "But you can't take the whole blame, I could be a little easier on you."

"Well maybe this date will help soften the both of us up."

"Maybe." She smiled softly, Derek smiled and nodded as he turned to walk down the hall, but she caught his arm "Derek wait." He stopped and turned "I have a sonogram in half an hour."

"Oh." He mumbled and glanced at her growing belly. They'd been so busy with getting everything back with their life, that neither had really discussed the baby much "Would you like to come?"

A smile spread across his face and his eyes lit up "Of course I would."

She smiled and slowly extended her hand for his to take. "Lets go."


	54. Baby Shepherd 2

_Chapter 54: Baby Shepherd #2 _

"Thanks for letting me come to the ultrasound." Derek smiled as they walked up the path to their house.

"It's your baby too." She smiled "Just because we're having…. issues…doesn't take that away."

"I'm sorry that I didn't do things differently." He said, "And there are no excuses, but in my frame of mind I was only trying to protect you."

"I know." She nodded "You were wrong, but I know."

"So are we going to tell Lia?"

"Are you kidding." Meredith giggled "She's been dying to know for weeks."

They reached the door and he smiled "I guess we better get ready then."  
The door opened and suddenly they were both bombarded by four-year-old arms. "Mommy! Daddy!"

"Hi sweetheart." Derek smiled as he scooped his daughter up "Were you good for grandma?"

"I good." She grinned "We made cookies."

"Mmm!" Meredith moaned "I can smell them. They smell delicious."

"They are." She smiled confidently.

"How many have you had so far?" Derek laughed.

"This many." She grinned and held out a flat palm with five fingers.

"I hope you had lunch." Meredith gasped.

"She did." Carolyn smiled from the doorway "And she is a very good cookie decorator."

"Sorry we were a little late mom." Derek said with a hint of a smile "Meredith had an ultrasound."

"Oh!" she gasped "Did you find anything out?"

"It's a very healthy baby." Meredith smiled.

"Lia." Derek smiled "Do you know what's in Mommy's tummy right now?"

"A baby."

"But is it a boy baby or a girl baby?" he asked

"It's a boy." She said matter of factly.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked, "How can you be so confident?"

"Because." She frowned "You the king, and Mommy the queen, and I the princess, so all we missing is a prince."

"Huh." Derek chuckled "I never thought of that logic before…. are you sure we don't have another princess on the way?"

"No daddy." She shook her head "I the only princess."

"Well." Derek grinned "For now you are."

"It's a boy?" Carolyn gasped.

"It's a boy." Meredith smiled and rubbed her belly affectionately.

"Oh!" she giggled and hugged Meredith "Congratulations."

"I need to make a blue cookie!" Ophelia gasped and wiggled out of her father's arms "For brother."

Before anyone could speak, she was off into the kitchen, Carolyn looked apologetically at them before running after Ophelia. Meredith and Derek walked a ways into the foyer before turning to each other, both glowing with the new information that they were expecting a son.

"Are you happy with the results?" she asked.

"You know I love Ophelia to death." He smiled "And I would be happy with another girl."

"But?"

"But I'm a little relieved to have some testosterone in the house now."

"That's what I thought." She smiled.

Out of habit he leaned in to kiss her, she stiffened a little when his lips touched hers for the first time in months, but she surprisingly relaxed into them. She parted hers softly and wrapped them around his, she was surprised at how quickly the discomfort faded as she threw herself into the soft, tender kiss. They mutually parted and looked at each other with both surprise and delight in their eyes.

"Sorry." He smiled "I didn't mean to push that on you, it was habit."

"It's ok." She shook her head "It has to happen eventually."

"Daddy!" he heard called from the other room.

"I um, I better go see what she needs."

"Yeah." She nodded "You should."

He smiled and turned to walk into the kitchen, Meredith let out a soft sigh of relief. Maybe she was just making this harder than it needed to be. Dr. Wyatt was right, she just needed to open up and let him in more. Just jump a little into intimacy, obviously it would be easier than she thought. There was a knock on the door that brought her out of her thoughts. She turned to answer it, as soon as she opened the door her face fell as she saw two men in green uniform with medals adorning their lapels.

"Ma'am." One of them said "We're looking for Derek Shepherd."

She felt her blood boil and ground her teeth together as she slammed the door shut with a bang and turned to rush up the stairs.

"Derek!" she screamed out "The god damn door is for YOU!"


	55. Pregnancy Hormones

_Chapter 55: Pregnancy Hormones_

"You're doing it again." He said from across the candle lit dinner table.

"Doing what." She muttered through her teeth. She was still fuming mad but didn't want to cause a scene in the middle of the restaurant.

"Shutting me out." He said. She shot a harsh look his way and sighed heavily through her nostrils.

"Maybe I just have nothing to say." She said as she stabbed her fork into her dessert.

"I think you have a lot to say." He smiled "But you're holding it in…and it's not good, Dr. Wyatt…"

"I know what the damn doctor said." She muttered "I was there."

"Baby, please talk to me."

"No." she murmured as her lips began to tremble on their own accord "I can't."

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying." She sniffled and wiped away a few betraying tears "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you're crying." He said softly "And I'd like to know why."

"I'm not sad, I'm mad." She growled as more tears fell "I'm pissed off! Because they kept taking you away from me, and they came to the door to tell me the worst news of my life! And now some miracle has happened, and you're back. And now they're back at my door again, wanting you AGAIN!"

"Meredith it's not what you think."

"It is what I think!" she yelled "It's always worse than I think!"

"They want to give me an honorable discharge." He sighed.

"What." She gulped, suddenly sullen.

"They want to discharge me from the army honorably." He smiled "And award me with a purple heart."

"Oh." She whispered.

"The ceremony is next Friday, and I'd like you and Lia there."

"Of course." She nodded with embarrassment.

"Feel better now?"

"Yes."

"You know if you'd just heard me out…"

"Shut up." She muttered.

"Ok." He mumbled and pressed his lips together. They were quiet for a few moments, he finally looked up at her and smiled "You look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you." She mumbled "I only had to change my dress five times."

"Why?" he chuckled

"I wanted to look…." She gulped "Sexy. And it's not easy with a baby gut."

"You always look sexy to me." He smiled "You always look beautiful."

"I wanted to persuade you to spend the night in my bed." She said, "Our bed."

"Meredith." He mumbled, his eyes suddenly fear stricken "I don't think that's a great idea."

"God Damnit Derek!" she hissed "Do you have any idea how long it's been for me, have you any idea what these damn pregnancy hormones do to me."

He frowned a second and then tipped his head back with understanding "Oh…you want sex."

"It would be nice!" she muttered

"I thought intimacy made you a little uncomfortable."

"It's something I can get over, just rip off the band-aid."

"No anesthesia?" he smirked.

"Why not."

"You want to get out of here?"

"Yes."

* * *

"So." Derek mumbled as he closed the door to 'their' bedroom.

"So." She kicked off her shoes in the closet, she gulped and slowly turned to look at him.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked "I mean, if you're uncomfortable at all…"

"I want to do this."

"Ok." He nodded. "So, do you want me to go in the bathroom or anything while you undress?"

She reached behind her and pulled the zipper of her dress down as far as she could and pulled the straps down. She tugged on the rest of the dress, but it got stuck on her little baby belly. She tugged harder but it was stuck pretty tight around her stomach. A sob sprang from her throat and she suddenly wondered if maybe he wouldn't want to do this, she couldn't blame him. He was suddenly there in front of her, reaching for the silky fabric of her dress, he zipped the zipper down the rest of the way and the dress fell to the floor, pooling around her feet.

"You're beautiful." He whispered into her ear as if reading her mind. Her watery eyes glanced up at him as his lips descended onto hers "Here we go."

Her sobs soon dissipated into moans as his tongue slithered into her mouth, it felt just as soft and tasted just as good as she'd remembered. And there wasn't any discomfort to speak of, this was Derek; her Derek. Her fingers moved up his chest and plucked at the buttons on his shirt, releasing them one by one. Her palms then slid into the opening of his shirt, her palms pressed against his hard-sculpted chest and pushed his shirt off of his shoulders.

His lips nibbled down her collar bone and up her neck, his hands feathered across her bare back and slender sides. She could feel his erection peeking out of the top of his pants and released his belt. Allowing his pants to plummet to the ground. She trailed a fingertip up the length of his shaft to the tip, teasing it and gaining a soft groan from his chest. He cupped her breasts in his hands and massaged them as he teased and fondled her hard-rosy nipples with his thumbs.

She gasped and tilted her head back into a moan. His hands cupped around her bottom and he lifted her onto his hips, he brought her lips to his in a rush of passion and need. He carried her to the bed and rested her down against it, his hands massaged her inner thighs as he placed a soft trail of kisses down her torso and over her smooth bump, the mound that held their son that they'd created together out of their love for each other. He knelt down at the edge of the bed and gently pushed her legs apart and then draped them over his shoulders.

She felt his tongue enter her hot private crevice and arched off the bed as she let out a deep crying moan. He took his time, sucking and flicking her tender muscles and folds that were throbbing under his tongue. She called out to him, begging that he stopped but he sucked harder until her juiced were pouring out into his mouth. He licked her clean, then kissed another trail back up to her mouth. She nibbled on his lips, tasting herself on him, her eyes glossy from her recent high, her lips panting for breath, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist and pulled him into her.

He grunted as he halted, feeling the tip of his erection at her opening and looked down at her with surprise. She smirked but kept her hold, urging him forward. He placed his hand on her hips and slowly impaled her, letting them both enjoy it, allowing her tight muscles to become accustomed to him. Her moans begged him to move and he began rocking his hips into her, feeling every inch of her until he reached bottom. His thrusts became more powerful and driven as his own peak was building but he wanted her to get the most out of this, not that he wasn't having a good time.

Her nails dug into his shoulders and pulled him into a deep kiss, at the same time he felt her muscles tighten and clamp down around him, her hot fluids rushed around him and he rocked his hips deeply inside of her, allowing her to dive off of the edge. He could hold onto his own no longer and growled as his thighs trembled and his hot seed spilled out of him and into her. They panted as they came up for air and recovered from their high. He looked over at her and saw a glowing smile on her face.

"Feel better?"

"You have no idea." She grinned "God…. thank you!"

"You are welcome." He smiled and placed several tiny soft kisses on her shoulder, he gulped as he glanced at the clock on the dresser and sat up "I should get to bed soon though."

"No." she gasped, grabbing hold of his arm with a look of hurt in her eyes "Don't go…not yet. Please, hold me for a while."

* * *

**Do you think it is a good idea for Meredith and Derek to sleep in the same room tonight?**


	56. He Needs to Know

_Chapter 56: He Needs to Know_

"You look happy today." Lexie teased Meredith as she sat at the nurses station "Shitting rainbows yet?"

"You're disgusting." Meredith scowled "And you're about to ruin skittles for me."

"Sorry." Lexie said, "But you're glowing."

"I'm pregnant. Isn't that what they say pregnant women do, they glow."

"It's more than that."

"Really Lex, what are you getting at? Just say it already."

"Just poking." Lexie smirked "How's it going with Derek?"

"It's going." Meredith said with a small smile "We're doing good in therapy together, and he's talking to Richard this morning."

"Is he coming back to work?"

"I don't see why he would talk to Richard about anything else."

"You know they say something else about pregnant women too?" Lexie raised a brow "That their pregnancy hormones make them bitchy."

Meredith glanced up at her with a narrow look "Sorry. Had a long night."

"Oh." Lexie grinned "Do tell."

"When have I ever told you about my sex life Lex?"

"Never, not really."

"Exactly." Meredith smirked.

"Oh." Lexie giggled as she saw something peeking out of Meredith's scrub shirt "Is that a hickey?"

The hair on Meredith's arms stood up as Lexie leaned forward. Before she could pull back Lexie was already yanking down the collar of her scrub shirt. She gasped in horror at the large bruise on her shoulder and looked terrified at Meredith.

"Mer!"

"Shut up Lexie." Meredith muttered with warning "It's not what you think."

"Did he do that to you?" she hissed.

"Not intentionally." Meredith mumbled "He was fast asleep."

"I thought he was staying in the other bedroom?"

"He was." Meredith said "But it's kind of hard to have sex with someone who's in the other room. Dr. Wyatt asked we try to be intimate, so we did. And I didn't want him to leave. So he stayed and fell asleep."

"So you're getting beat up for sex?"

"I'm not getting beat up!"

"Really, because the bruise on your arm is pretty convincing of that."

"He doesn't know!"

"And let me guess, you're not telling him that he's doing it."

"I have to help him." She mumbled "I'm his wife, I can fix him."

"Meredith you're only so big." Lexie sighed "And where you're concerned it's not very big. There's only so much you can fix."

"I can do this." She muttered "I'm strong enough."

"And what's it going to do to him when he sees them?"

"He won't."

"Really, because I was under the impression that you had to get naked to have sex."

"Kind of hard to see things when the lights are off."

"What about the baby."

"I'm careful." She said, Lexie snorted in disbelief "I AM careful."

"Meredith, tell him." Lexie said through her teeth "Or I…"

"Don't you dare!" Meredith hissed "You owe me, and you know it!"

Lexie cowered down as guilt caught her words in her throat, she ground her teeth and nodded "Fine, I won't. But you need to tell him, he needs to know."

"It'll kill him Lex." Meredith said, her eyes broken "And I've already lost him to 'death'."

* * *

**Who are you siding with, Meredith or Lexie?**


	57. I Hurt You?

_Chapter 57: I Hurt You?_

Meredith was headed down the hall to a patients room when she was grabbed by the arm and yanked into an on-call room. She gasped, which was muffled by a pair of stubble crusted lips. She moaned into her husband's embrace as he kissed her deeply and tenderly.

"Hi." She giggled when her lips were finally free.

"Hi." He smirked

"I'm guessing the meeting with the chief went well?"

"He's more than thrilled to have me back." He said, "I start this week."

"That's great." She grinned "It'll be nice working together again."

"I agree." He raised his brow "We can reminisce about old times…like starting now."

"Mmm." She moaned as his hands started to frisk her "Derek, we have an appointment with Dr. Wyatt tonight."

"I cancelled it." He mumbled into her neck.

"What?" she frowned "Why would you cancel it."

"Because." He chuckled "I'm better, we're better. We don't need counseling; things are going great."

"Derek we still need a little help and direction."

"She gave us great advice." He said, "But I think we can take it from here on our own."

"But."

"You're helping me." He said softly as he caressed her cheek "I haven't had a bad dream or anything since we started sleeping in the same bed…you said you could help me, and you are. You've never been righter."

"Derek." She whispered as tears rimmed her eyes.

"Don't cry." He smiled "It's a good thing baby."

"No." she sniffled "No Derek, you're not better. I'm not helping you."

"What are you talking about?" he laughed.

She gulped and took a deep breath as she grabbed the bottom of her scrub shirt and then slowly pulled it up over her head. Derek's eyes grew wide as he saw the purple splotches across her pale smooth skin. They then grew narrow as anger and disbelief filled his blue eyes, he took a large step back and shook his head.

"Derek." She gasped and reached out to grab him, but he pushed her hand away "It wasn't your fault."

"It was my fault." He muttered "I did that Meredith."

"You were asleep." She pleaded "It was an accident."

"I promised to never hurt you." He said, sounding disgusted with himself "And I broke it."

"Derek please."

"No." he shook his head and backed to the door "No!"

"Don't go!" she cried "Derek please don't go!"

"I…" he shook his head and grabbed the handle of the door "I can't hurt you… not ever again."

She opened her mouth to speak but he quickly opened the door and slipped out. She pulled her shirt back on and rushed out the door, only to find the hallway empty of her husband's presence. She bit her lip to keep from crying and closed her eyes, praying that he would come back, that this wouldn't be a huge set back.

* * *

**Do you think that Meredith did the right thing?**


	58. Getting Help

_Chapter 58: Getting Help_

Derek stormed down the hallway with tears of fear and anger rimming his eyes. He reached a familiar oak door and pushed it open without knocking.

"Derek?" the woman on the couch frowned "I thought you cancelled."

"I did." He said as he started to pace "I did because I didn't think that I needed therapy anymore, I thought I was getting better."

"And now you're having second thoughts?"

"I hurt her!" he muttered.

"Hurt who?"

"My wife." He growled "I hurt her, and she didn't tell me."

"How did you hurt her?"

"I did what you said!" he yelled, causing her to jump a little "I did what you said, we did what you said. We were intimate and sleeping together. And I hurt her, it didn't work!"

"Well what did you expect!" Dr. Wyatt frowned "You've only been here a handful of times."

"I expected you to help me!" Derek yelled "I expected you to make me not hurt her!"

"Derek you're taking your injuries for granted." She sighed "You've got to realize that just because you're not suffering bodily harm doesn't mean you're not recovering."

"I'm fine, I was fine…Why isn't this working!"

"Derek you're a doctor." She said "When you send a patient who is recovering from a spinal injury to physical therapy, do you expect them to go twice and then be fine the rest of their lives?"

"No." he muttered, still pacing.

"It's the same for you." She sighed, "Except your injuries are up here." She pointed to her temple "You're never going to even begin to recover until you accept that."

"Look, I just want to be better. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of not being normal. I just want it back; I want it all back!"

"Then man up and get the help you need!" she muttered "You're living in la-la land Derek. Just because you had one good night doesn't mean the rest will be a fairytale."

"I just…" he mumbled, his voice broke as he stopped and shook his head while pressing his lips together "I can't get it out of my head."

"Get what out of your head?"

"They were so dark." He whispered, "Her bruises…the bruises that I caused."

"What did you tell her?" she asked "When she showed you, what did you say?"

"She kept telling me that it wasn't my fault." His lips trembled as he murmured "She kept telling me not to take blame…but it is my fault, I did it, it is my fault."

"Is that what you told her?"

"I left." He said "I had to get away from her, I had to get as far away as I could."

"Ok, so you're took a step forward, but now you're taking a huge leap back."

"I can't go back, I can't hurt her again."

"Then don't hurt her again!" Wyatt muttered "You have it in you to help yourself Derek, but you and only YOU can do it. And running isn't the damn answer."

Derek closed his eyes and pressed the tears back down his tear ducts, he took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"What do I do?" he asked. She smiled and breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Have a seat."

* * *

"Mama?" Ophelia asked.

"What sweetie?" Meredith droned. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She wanted to go to bed already, but she knew sleep would be impossible until she saw Derek again….if she saw him again.

"When is brother going to be here?"

"Not for a few more weeks honey."

"But why not." She whined "I wanna play with him."

"Oh Lia." Meredith giggled "You won't be able to play with brother for a while."

"Why?"

"Because he'll be little."

"But my baby dolls are little, and I play with them."

"I know sweetie." Meredith sighed "But human babies are fragile."

"What's fragile mean?"

"It means that they break easier than toy babies." Meredith explained "Your brother is going to be here soon, but he still needs to grow a lot more until he comes out."

"How is he going to come out Mama?" she asked curiously, Meredith choked on the right words for a minute as she tried to think of a right explanation.

"How do you think brother will come out?" they heard in the doorway of the bedroom and looked up with relief to see Derek.

"Daddy!" she giggled and ran over to give him a hug.

"Do you have any idea?"

"I think that Mommy goes into the hospital, and the doctor comes in with a special key and puts it in Mommy's belly button and opens it up and then takes the baby out, and that's how brother will be born."

"Yes." Derek chuckled "That's exactly what happens." He gave her a kiss on the cheek and set her down "Honey will you go play in your room, Daddy and Mommy need to have a grown-up talk."

She nodded and then scurried off to her room. Meredith gulped as she glanced Derek's direction and then turned to finish making her bed.

"So, you're here." She mumbled.

"Of course." He said, "This is my home."

"I didn't think you would be coming back." She said, "I didn't think you'd want to be around me."

"I don't want to hurt you." He said softly, she nodded with a look of hesitancy "But I can't leave you either."

Her eyes shot up with attention as she kept a steady stare on him. He took a few steps towards her, a smile soft in his eyes.

"I owe you an apology." He said, she opened her mouth to defend him, but he put his hand up and stopped her "I know you think it's not my fault. But it is. I've been naïve about my therapy and thinking that it would all be fixed overnight. I've been foolish, and that caused me to hurt you, accidentally or not. I hurt you."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to keep getting help." He said, "But I'm not leaving."

"You're not." She whispered with delight to her voice.

"No." he smiled and reached forward to cup her face in his hands "I'm not leaving you…. ever."


	59. Progress is Good

_Chapter 59: Progress is Good_

"How are you two doing today?" Dr. Wyatt asked, "You look a little tense."

"Meredith is being impatient." Derek sighed and ran a hand raggedly over his face.

"I am NOT being impatient."

"Why does Derek think you're being impatient?" Wyatt asked.

"I don't know." She muttered "He's assuming things."

"You're cranky because I won't move back into the bedroom yet."

"It's not your fault." She said, "I get that."

"Are you still having dreams Derek?"

"I haven't woken up in a month." He sighed "I haven't broken anything."

"So we're assuming you haven't had any dreams?" Wyatt said, "Why not move back into the bedroom?"

"I don't want to risk it." He said, "I don't want to risk hurting her again."

"You won't know unless you try." Meredith mumbled.

"That's not a risk I'm willing to take."

"Meredith." Wyatt said "obviously Derek is feeling insecure, why is it that you're being so impatient."

"I'm fine!" she huffed, Dr. Wyatt still waited for an answer "I'm due in three weeks."

"So your impatience is pregnancy related."

"I'm fine, I want Derek better ok. He can take as much time as he wants." She sighed "But if I were feeling impatient…I might be freaking out a little that I'm about to give birth in three weeks. Meaning I'll have a toddler and infant to take care of."

"You'll have help." Derek said "I'll be there."

"Really Derek, meeting each other in the middle of the hallway at three in the morning is not how I ever pictured us parenting a newborn."

"Well I'm sorry you're not getting your perfect little fairytale!" he snapped "I'm sorry I'm making it into such a nightmare for you!"

"Ok stop!" Dr. Wyatt yelled over them "We're back-stepping here. And we need to be moving forward."

"Sorry." They both murmured.

"Derek, Meredith is feeling the natural need to have someone there by her side through this. Having a new baby is a daunting task as I'm sure you both already know." She said, "And she would feel better adapt if you were there."

"I'm not sleeping next to her."

"Would you consider the floor?" Wyatt asked.

"What?" they both frowned.

"The floor." She repeated herself "Putting an air mattress or something on the floor. You would be comfortable knowing you're not in punching distance of your wife. And she has the comfort of knowing that you're closer."

"That might be a possibility." Derek said.

"Derek I think that your fears are honest and genuine." Wyatt said, "But I think the skydiver can only ride in the plane so long before they have to jump."

"What does that mean?"

"That means that eventually you have to trust yourself and try." She said, "You have to climb in bed eventually, the floor isn't friendly to fifty-year-old backs."

"I'm not saying it'll last forever, I'm just not ready to try yet."

"Are you ever going to be ready?" Meredith muttered. Derek turned to glare.

"I'll sleep on the floor."

"Good." Wyatt smiled "Progress is good. And I think in a month you should do a sleep study."

"Sleep study?"

"Just for your own satisfaction of knowing if the dreams are still recurring." She said, "Proof of either scenario Derek."

He nodded "Ok, I can do that."

"That's all the time we have for today." She sighed and looked at her watch "Next week?"

They both nodded and walked out the door. They let out sighs of frustration as they walked into the hallway.

"That could have gone better." Meredith mumbled.

"Yes, it could have."

"I'm sorry for being cranky." She said, "I'm trying to I just…feel like a whale."

"You should be home resting."

"I'm not going on maternity leave yet." She glared "You know how restless I got last time."

"So you're going to just waddle around until you pop?"

"Thank you for such a delicate description dear." She rolled her eyes "But yes, I figure since I'm giving birth here anyway, I might as well be here when I go into labor."

"You're insane." He sighed "You should be resting."

"And you should…." She started to say but was cut off as they rounded a corner and saw dozens of staff members running around in the hallway "What's going on?"

"I don't know." He frowned. He reached out and grabbed an orderly "Hey, slow down. What's going on?"

"We're on lockdown." He said

"What!" Meredith gasped "Is there a shooter in the hospital?"

"No." he shook his head "Someone took a kid."

* * *

**Who do you think the missing child is?**


	60. Lockdown

_Chapter 60: Lockdown _

"Lexie!" Meredith said too loudly as her and Derek rushed up to the nurses station "Lex!"

"What?" she asked as she hung up her phone.

"What happened, a kid is missing?" Meredith asked, "I thought the nursery was safe from this happening?"

"I don't know but you need to calm down."

"Yes." Derek said "You do need to calm down. Where are they looking for him?"

"I don't know." Lexie shrugged "Apparently some security guard saw someone carrying a kid screaming for their mom. He tried to stop him, and the guy knocked him out."

"So, it wasn't a baby?" Meredith gulped.

"No." Lexie shook her head "I'm thinking the Peds floor."

"Well we all just need to stay calm." Derek said "Especially you Meredith. I need to find the chief; I'll help look for the kid."

"Derek!" Meredith hissed "What if he's armed."

"I doubt he is if he were, he'd have shot the security guard."

"How can this happen." Meredith shook her head "The hospital is supposed to be a safe place."

"Molly!" Derek called out to her as she passed the nurses station "Where are they looking for him, for the guy that took the kid?"

"I'm not sure." She frowned "I think they said something about going downstairs."

"They think he went downstairs?"

"I think it was downstairs."

"But Peds and the nursery are both on higher floors." Derek frowned "What's downstairs that has kids?"

"The daycare." Molly scoffed.

"And the only childcare facility that isn't heavily alarmed." Lexie added.

"God." Derek sighed "This is a mess."

"Hey Derek." Molly gulped "I don't want to freak out you but…. you keep Ophelia at your mom's house, right?"

"Yeah." He frowned, then suddenly his face looked like he'd been hit by a truck "Except today, because my mother was sick."

"Oh god." Molly whispered.

"It's ok." Lexie smiled "It wasn't Ophelia, it was some other kid. Lia is strong and smart and I'm sure she's somewhere hiding in the daycare with the other kids. Right, Meredith?"

They all looked over towards Meredith but saw an empty space.

"Mer?" Derek turned around "Meredith!"

"Where did she go!" Molly gasped "Where's Meredith!"

"Molly." Derek said calmly but through his teeth "If you found out that someone might have taken Laura what would you do?"

"I'd go find the bastard and kick his ass…." Her face fell and her eyes wide "Oh no!"

* * *

Meredith jogged as quickly as she could down the stairs to the basement floor. She'd spent a lot of time down there after Derek had 'died'. She was tired of being watched and pitied and it was quiet and dark, the perfect place to hide. She even joked to herself that if anyone wanted to be in the hospital and not get found they'd come down here. She didn't know that it was Ophelia, not for sure. She didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. But she had a bad feeling in her gut, ever since they dropped Lia off at daycare that morning. She had a bad feeling.

She opened the door and stepped into the hallway basement as she caught her breath. She silently listened as she walked quietly down the hall, her hands were shaking as well as her breath. She knew that she was the last person that needed to be facing an angry kidnapper but if it was in fact her baby…she was the only one that would be strong enough to get her back safely. She stopped when she heard a muffled sound. It was a voice, and one she didn't know.

She crept to the door that the sound was coming from and peeked into the small window. She covered her mouth as she saw a little girl with brown curls standing there crying. A large brute man in a dark brown jacket and blue jeans was kneeling in front of her as he pulled her brown curls back into a blue bow. He reached up and wiped the tear from her eye, it made Meredith sick to her stomach.

"Don't worry Bethany." He said, "Don't cry, we'll go see Mommy soon."

"Her name isn't Bethany!" Meredith growled as she burst through the door "It's Ophelia and her mother is standing right here!"

He stood up quickly, his eyes were brooding and he raised his right arm, extending it towards her. She gulped and choked on her sharp inhaling breath. Derek had been wrong about him having a gun.

It was pointing right at her.

* * *

"Derek!" Mark called out as he saw him enter the stairwell. "Derek are you going to look for the kid too?"

"I'm going to find my pregnant wife."

"Where did Meredith go?"

"Mark." He muttered "The kidnapper took a kid from the daycare."

"Ok." He frowned.

"Ophelia was in the daycare today because my mom is sick."

"Ok." Mark nodded, Derek stared, Mark finally got it "Oh."

"I'm going to go find my wife."

"Well what about Ophelia?"

"I'm sure she's fine and Meredith is overreacting."

"But what if she's not." Mark gulped "You know mothers have instincts on these things."

For the first time, Derek stopped, and fear hit him. He looked warily at Mark "We have to find them." He whispered, "They're my world."

"We'll find them man." Mark assured him with a pat on the shoulder "Ooh-Rah!" Derek's frown deepened into a look of confusion. "You know, Ooh-rah, like what those military guys yell."

"That's the marines Mark, I was in the army."

"Oh." Mark frowned "Semper-Fi?"

"How about lets just go!

* * *

"Look I don't know who you are, but you can't do this." Meredith gulped as she stared past the gun barrel to look him in the eyes "She's just a little girl."

"A little girl is who I need." He said.

"You sick bastard!" Meredith muttered.

"I have no ill intentions with her." He said "She'll be well taken care of…you see, my wife and I lost our Bethany to meningitis two weeks ago. My wife won't get out of bed. So, I need to bring her another Bethany."

"She isn't a replacement!" Meredith yelled "She's a child! She's MY child!"

"Mommy." Ophelia cried.

"Shush Bethany!" the man with a gun soothed her "We'll go see your new mommy soon."

"You will not take her from me." Meredith growled "I realize you're bigger than me and you have a gun, but you will not take her from me."

"It'll be all too easy." He laughed "All I have to do is take you down, one way or another, and then walk out."

"Did you consider the mother bear factor?" Meredith asked "No, because you don't understand the love a mother has for her child. And you will not take her from me."

"You have another child." He said "I have none. It's fair."

"It's out of the question!"

He ground his teeth and lowered his gun to her belly. He pressed it against the mound and Meredith held her breath as she glared at the man.

"Are you trying to threaten me….or piss me off?" she growled, he looked at her incredulously for a second "You won't get out of here. They're already looking for you, they're hunting you down. There's no way you'll get out of here."

"Not without a hostage." He smirked.

She wasn't sure what he meant until he was grabbing her arm and tossing her against the wall. Ophelia screamed and ran over to Meredith. She wrapped her arms around her little girl as she tried not to shake.

"It's ok baby." She whispered, "It'll be ok."

* * *

Meredith watched him like a hawk as she held tightly onto Ophelia. She felt the baby in her tummy rolling around and kicking like crazy, she was glad for that, she knew the stress she was putting herself through wasn't good for him, but she had to help Ophelia. She was sure he understood.

The gunman walked to the door and peeked out the window, glancing up and down the hall to see if anyone was coming. Meredith gulped as she took the opportunity to glance around and study the surroundings a little, looking for a possible alternate exit for them. But it was an old basement storage room, with no windows and only one door.

"The coast is clear." He turned and smiled eerily at Ophella "Time to go home Beth."

"No." Meredith growled.

"Don't worry you'll come too, but you will only have your purpose for so long."

"You are not hearing me correctly." She hissed "You are NOT taking MY daughter."

"Watch me." He muttered.

He charged towards them, Ophelia screamed as he grabbed Meredith's arm and threw her onto the ground. Meredith struggled and fought back but he was infinitely bigger than her and she found herself on her back. He pointed the gun at her in anger and cocked it. She kicked her leg up quickly and knocked it from his hand, they heard it go off as it hit the floor and skid across the room, Ophelia screamed again. But before he could lunge for it she gave another swift kick, hitting him between the thighs.

He groaned and doubled over in pain, but she wasn't done. She shrieked angrily as she kicked him over and over again until he was looking as if he could spit blood. He crumbled to the floor and cried, she got up quickly and taking his incapacitation for granted she turned to Annabelle and saw her picking up a small black object off the floor.

"No baby!" she gasped and grabbed the gun from her hand.

"I didn't want him to get it Mama."

"Thank you baby." She said and scooped her up as she ran to the door "You were so brave."

Ophelia started to softly sob as they rushed out of the room. Meredith held onto her tightly as she ran down the hallway to the elevator. The doors opened immediately, and she jumped inside, pressing for the surgical floor, she panted nervously as she watched the door down the hallway slowly open.

The elevator doors slammed close and she felt it start to move. She breathed a sigh of relief and kissed Ophelia over and over again. They were in between the second and ground floor when the elevator jolted to a stop. She gulped and started to press the button over and over again, hoping that it would start back up. The lights went out and the emergency lights kicked on, the hum of the power cut out and she felt her stomach drop into anxiety.

"You've got to be kidding me!" she cried out.

"Mommy." Ophelia sniffled.

"Shh." Meredith whispered as she set her down "It'll be ok baby, it just got shut off for a minute."

"But Mommy." She whimpered.

Meredith looked at her and saw red smeared all over her shirt and panicked as she looked her over, it was all over the front of her and down her arm.

"Oh god!" she screamed "Oh Lia! Where are you hurt, where did he hurt you!"

"No Mommy." She sobbed "It's not from me."

Meredith gulped as she felt a surging pain for the first time and looked over to her left shoulder and saw it soaked in blood. Her breath trembled as she cringed and lowered herself to the floor. She slipped a hand inside her scrub shirt and felt both front and back of her shoulder. It was a through and through, she breathed a short sigh of relief, but she still needed to stop the bleeding.

"Lia, honey." She panted "Can you help Mommy take her shirt off?"

Ophelia sniffled and then nodded. She helped pull the scrub shirt over her head and Meredith pulled it off. She wadded it up and pressed it against her shoulder.

"Mommy what can I do?" she sniffled "I wanna help, I did this."

"God Lia." Meredith shook her head "You didn't do anything, that man is just a bad person."

"I wanna help."

"Ok." Meredith nodded, she didn't know how long the elevator would be out of service, so she knew that she needed a little help. "Help me press hard on this shirt ok? I need to press hard so the blood stops, can you do that?" She nodded "You are so brave honey, I'm so proud of you."

"I get it from my Mommy." She smiled for the first time.

Meredith felt her heart swell as Ophelia stepped in to help despite her own fear. She pressed hard against the shirt-bandage, Meredith smiled at her but then cringed as pain radiated through her again, she ground her teeth together and screamed. Ophelia whimpered as she looked at Meredith.

"Mommy." She sobbed "I don't want to hurt you."

"It's not you sweetheart." Meredith panted as tears rolled down her cheeks "It's brother…brother is coming.


	61. Stuck in the Elevator

_Chapter 61: Stuck in the Elevator_

Derek and Mark finally made their way down to the basement after checking out the daycare and ground floor first. They quietly left the stairwell and into the basement hallway. It was dark, and quiet…creepy quiet. They walked against the wall as they listened. Mark tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at something in the adjoining hallway. Derek looked and saw a moving shadow, he turned to Mark and put his finger to his lips, gesturing him to be quiet.

Derek crept over to the corner of the hallways and stood flat against the wall as the shadow moved towards him. He heard a pained groan coming from the man around the corner. He waited and saw a large man stumble around the corner and held his breath as the man started to walk past him, then stepped out quickly behind him and threw his arm around the man's neck and held tightly as he started to fight back, his movements fierce at first but then slowly he became lethargic until he passed out. Derek dropped him to the floor and let out a breath.

"Dude." Mark chuckled "You went all Rambo on him."

"Shut up." Derek muttered "Just get me something to tie him up with."

"How long will he be out?"

"At least a few minutes, so lets get something to tie him up with before he wakes up!"

"Ok, ok." Mark nodded and went in search of something "Here's some wire."

"That's perfect."

He handed it to Derek, and he flipped the man over onto his stomach and pulled his limp hands behind his back. He tied them together tightly and for his own conscious checked his pulse, it was still strong.

"So, how did you know that was the guy?"

"I just knew." Derek said.

"Looks like someone got to him first." Mark said, "Someone kicked his ass."

"I wonder who." Derek scowled as he got up and looked around the hallway "Meredith!" He started rushing up the hallway looking in every nook and cranny "Meredith!"

"Derek!" Mark called out and pointed to the elevator doors "I hear something."

Derek ran over to the elevator doors and pressed his ear to the door "Meredith!"

"Daddy." He heard in Ophelia's voice and breathed a short sigh of relief.

"Lia!" he nearly cried "Annabelle is Mommy with you?"

"I'm here." He heard his wife's voice strain.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. We all are."

"No you not." Annabelle said, "Daddy she is lying!"

"Meredith?"

"Annabelle." He heard her scold "I'm…I'll be ok, but we're stuck here."

"Yeah, someone cut the power to the elevators."

"She's bleeding Daddy." Ophelia called out "Mommy's bleeding."

"Meredith!" he gasped "Why are you bleeding!"

"I…" she stuttered "It's just a little gunshot wound, the gun went off when I knocked it out of his hands."

"Gunshot!"

"Mommy says that brother is coming too."

"Lia!" Meredith hissed.

"You're shot and in labor too!" Derek muttered.

"Look. I'm holding up fine, just get me the hell out of this elevator!"

"I'm coming." Derek called out "Hold tight, I'm coming!"

"What are you going to do, climb down a damn elevator shaft!" Meredith scoffed…she didn't hear anything in return "Derek?" still silence "Derek!"

* * *

**Do you think that Derek got stuck in a trance?**


	62. Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr

_Chapter 62: Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr._

"Mommy?" Ophelia said with concern.

"Shhh." Meredith whispered, "It'll be ok baby."

"I think the blood stopped."

Meredith looked and saw that it was slowing down, which was a good sign. It had been fifteen minutes since she heard Derek's voice. She was clammy and sweating and her contractions were coming every minute at the least. She felt a puddle fill under where she sat, and she gasped as tears fell from her eyes.

"It's ok Mommy." Ophelia said, "It was an accident, we couldn't get to the bathroom in time."

"Lia." She whispered, not sure if she wanted to cry or laugh. "Mommy didn't wet her pants, it's just…" Ophelia looked at her expectantly as she frowned with curiosity "You remember when Daddy asked you how babies come out?"

"Yes."

"And you told Daddy that a doctor puts a special key into mommy's belly button?"

"Uh-huh." She nodded.

Meredith cringed as she was hit with another contraction "Well that's not exactly what happens."

Meredith didn't want to have to tell her daughter the basics of anatomy and babies, but on the other hand if she didn't prepare her for what she would probably see…it might hurt her even more.

"What happens Mommy?"

"Well sweetie." She panted as she felt pressure on her bottom but held off "Babies are inside mommy's tummies. We have a special baby making organ that's called a uterus."

"A uterus?" she repeated and looked to be focusing on Meredith's words intently.

"Yes." Meredith nodded "And that's where babies grow, they have a thin little membrane sack full of water, kind of like a water balloon?" Ophelia shook her head "It's called an amniotic sac."

"Am-nee-ah-tic?" she sounded it out.

"Yep." She cringed again but continued as she breathed heavily "When it's time for babies to come into the world the uterus hugs the baby tightly, telling it that it needs to move down and the sac breaks so all the water holding the baby in comes out.."

"The baby moves down?"

"Down." Meredith nodded "Between a girl's legs there are three openings. One you go pee-pee from. The other you go poo-poo with and the one in the middle of them is where babies come out of, it's called a vagina."

"Are babies that small?"

"No." Meredith gritted her teeth as another contraction hit her hard "It grows, to let the baby out."

"Does it hurt?"

"A lot." Meredith nodded "But as soon as the baby comes out it goes away, and we get a brand-new baby."

Ophelia looked down at Meredith's bulging and contracting belly for a long minute. She looked at the puddle of water between her legs and then finally back up at her mother's face.

"Are you ok sweetie?"

"Mommy?" she asked.

"Yes." Meredith gulped nervously.

Ophelia's lips spread into a smile "That's cool."

Meredith sighed a breath of relief as she saw it hadn't disturbed her daughter at all. And wondered why she hadn't just explained it like that before, and also hoped that she wouldn't repeat anything in the middle of her kindergarten class when she went next school year. She heard a noise come from above her head and they looked up as the escape door was being opened and a familiar face appeared as he looked down on them.

"Derek." She breathed.

"I told you I was coming."

"It's about damn time."

He climbed down carrying a jump bag and Mark climbed in after him. Derek hugged Ophelia tightly and yet quickly.

"Hi baby." He whispered "I love you."

"I love you too Daddy." She said "But take care of mommy, I think her vagina is growing."

Derek's jaw dropped and he turned to look at Meredith, she shook her head and breathed in and out.

"I'll tell you later."

"O." Mark said softly as he reached his arms out to her "Come with me so your Daddy can help Mommy have the baby."

"No."Ophelia whined and shook her head "I wanna be here, I wanna see it."

"Ophelia." Derek said, "Please go with Uncle Mark."

"No!"

"It's ok." Meredith panted "She knows…"

"She knows?" Derek arched his brow.

"I didn't know if you would get here in time." Meredith said, "I told her."

"And she's ok with it?"

"Yes Daddy." She nodded "I'm gonna be a doctor like you, I ok with it."

Derek looked at her hesitantly, when did his little baby girl get so big? He turned to Mark and sighed.

"Lets get Meredith's arm patched up real quick first." He turned to Meredith who was panting through another contraction "Is that ok?"

She nodded. They cut her undershirt that was soaked in blood away and then inspected the gunshot wound. It was clean and free of any major veins or arteries. Mark and Derek worked to clean it before taping some thick gauze over the wound.

"I'll stitch it up when we get into a room Mer." Mark said "Don't worry, you'll barely have a scar."

"I don't care." She panted and shook her head "Oh god I don't care I just want this kid out of me!"

"Ready to push?" Derek asked.

"Ya think!" she muttered.

"Ok." Derek chuckled lightly "Mark hand me the blanket."

He handed Derek a warming blanket, then got the OB kit out and ready as Derek draped the blanket over Meredith's legs and helped slip her pants off. Derek pulled the blanket up to her knees so he could see. They felt a jolt and the elevator started to move.

"We're moving." Mark said.

"Excellent observation, dumb ass." Meredith muttered. The elevator stopped at the second floor and dinged. "Hit the stop button!"

"What, why?" Mark asked "We can get off."

"Because I need to push and I don't want the whole hospital seeing my vagina!"

"If you wait just a few more minutes we can get you into a room…" Derek suggested.

"PUSHING NOW!" she screamed as she started to bear down.

"Whoa." Derek gasped as he reached to help the baby's head come out. "Ok not so fast."

Meredith growled at him and she took in a deep breath and bore down again, despite what Derek suggested she shoved with all her might and Derek scrambled to catch the baby as it came out in half a second. Mark handed him a bulb syringe and he cleaned out the baby's airways and they heard a healthy cry. They all looked in amazement as Derek laid the slimy little baby against Meredith's chest.

"Oh god." Meredith cried as she leaned to kiss the baby's head full of matted down brown hair "Oh he's so beautiful…he is a he right?"

Derek lifted the baby's legs and smirked "Oh yeah…it's definitely a boy!"

"Congratulations." Mark chuckled "Now there'll be two McDreamy's on this planet."

"Shut up." Derek scoffed but couldn't keep the smile off his face "We never picked a name out for him."

"I always figured that we would name our first son after you. You are the love of my life. Also, he looks just like you." Meredith said.

"Okay." Derek said with tears in his eyes.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr." He smiled "I like it."

"I do too." She smiled.

She felt a little hand on her arm and looked up to see Ophelia standing next to her, looking at her new brother with curiosity. She and Derek just watched the new first-time sibling interaction. DJ was wide awake and alert and staring at his big sister with wonder and intent.

"Derek." She whispered sweetly as she kissed his wet hand "I'm your big sister. And I won't let no one hurt you."

Meredith's eyes welled with tears and Derek felt a little choked up as well. Their eyes connected and they shared a glowing smile with each other. He mouthed 'I love you' to her and she did back.

"Are we ready to leave this elevator?" Derek asked.

The three others all answered at once.

"Yes."


	63. Marvelous Big Sister

_Chapter 63: Marvelous Big Sister_

Meredith smiled as she felt warm arms wrap around her first thing in the morning. It had been a little over two weeks since the kidnapping incident and DJ's birth. They'd all gone to see Dr. Wyatt, including Ophelia, and she astounded all of them at how well she seemed to be handling it all. Even Dr. Wyatt was surprised but discussed everything with Ophelia and advised that she come back if she displays any odd behavior.

Derek did the sleep study and it come back that he wasn't having the night terrors anymore. He moved back into the bedroom on the stipulation that Meredith tell him immediately if they did return. Though they couldn't have sex yet, she felt just as good feeling him wrap her in his love in the morning.

She slowly opened her eyes, knowing that DJ would be waking them up soon and saw light illuminating the room. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost eight. She gasped and sat up startled while listening for any sort of sound coming from the other room. Her heart sank and heightened with worry at the same time.

"Derek!" She panicked.

"Hm?" he groaned "What?"

"DJ!" she gasped "Ben hasn't woken up yet."

"Maybe he's asleep."

"He always wakes up at six thirty to eat Derek."

"Ok."

"It's almost eight."

Derek's eyes fluttered open and watched as his wife hit the ground running. He was quick to follow as they darted across the hall and into the baby's nursery. He ran into the back of her as she stopped suddenly halfway inside the room. Her hand flew over her mouth just as he looked over her shoulder and saw Ophelia sitting in the middle of the baby's crib, holding a bottle to his lips.

"Lia." Meredith choked "What are you doing."

"Giving DJ his baba."

"Honey." Meredith mumbled as she stepped over "Ben is too little; he can't have cold milk."

"It's not cold." She said, "I warm it up in the baba warmer like Daddy does when you not here."

"You know how to use it?" Derek asked. "How?"

"I watch you Daddy."

Meredith frowned and stepped to the side of the crib. She reached in and felt the bottle, it was just right. She looked at her daughter with curiosity and amazement at once. DJ looked up at his mother and spit the bottle nipple out and let out a wail.

"It ok DJ." Annabelle said as she smoothed her small hand over his silky brown hair.

"You're doing a great job Lia." Derek smiled and reached in to pick the little girl up into his arms "But it tastes better when he gets it from mommy."

"I told him I would take care of him, I'm his big sister."

"I know." Meredith smiled as she picked Ben up "And you did marvelous! But Mommy and Daddy have to take care of him too."

"Mommy?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"When am I gonna have my own baby?"

Derek let out a dry laugh and squeezed her tighter.

"Not for a very long time."


	64. Epilogue

_Chapter 64: Epilogue_

**Ophelia's POV****  
**

She walked down the cobblestone side road of the European street with wonder in her eyes and smiled when she saw a costume shop. It caught her eye and she stepped inside, admiring the feather boa's and fishnet stockings. She weaved around the aisles and into the back corner where she spotted a familiar head of brown hair. She giggled and put her hands over her face.

"Guess who?"

"Really?" she muttered "We're playing this game?"

"Why not." She laughed as she threw her hands down "We're in Paris, we're supposed to be having fun Cheyenne."

The girl turned around to face her and her eyes widened as a loud harsh gasp erupted from the base of her throat. She giggled and patted at her shoulder length light brown curls that now had streaks of pink sifted through the strands.

"You like it?"

"Are you crazy!"

"For the one week we'll be here." She nodded "Yes, I'm feeling crazy."

"Lia!" Cheyenne giggled "Your dad made me promise to watch out for you."

"Screw what he said, he's got his macho boys to worry about, what does he care about me?"

* * *

_"DJ!" Meredith called from the bottom of the stairs "Caden! You two better have your shoes on in the next five minutes or else!"_

_She heard a small commotion before two pre-teen boys came running down the stairs. DJ was tall and lean with dark brown curls topping his head and dark brows framing his dark blue eyes. Caden had straight blonde hair and he was more built, but his eyes were just as dark as his brother's. They stopped on the step before the bottom and took in her stern look._

_"Relax Mom." DJ said, "We were just picking out shoes that matched."_

_"Right." She glared "I was born at night, but not last night. If you make us late, I'm taking your TV and gaming systems away for the rest of the year."_

_"The rest of the year, year?" Caden asked "Or the rest of the school year, because that's up tomorrow."_

_"Finish getting ready!" she growled._

_They both snickered to each other before moving around her and scurrying off into the kitchen. She heard the door open behind her and turned with relief to see Derek walk in and hang up his coat._

_"Hey." She breathed._

_"Hey." He smiled as he greeted her with a kiss like he had for the last 19 years._

_"I was worried you might be late."_

_"Are you kidding." He smiled "I wouldn't miss our baby girl's high school graduation for anything."_

_They heard a noise at the top of the stairs and looked up to see a beautiful young woman, slender and petite. Her hair was light brown and curled into ringlets, she had it pulled back and wore a simple blue sundress that brought out the deep blue ocean tones in her eyes. She smiled at them as she descended the stairs._

_"Hi daddy." She said when she reached the bottom._

_"Hi." He smiled; his hand cupped around her shoulder as he looked her over "When did my baby get so big?"_

_"Dad." She whined "Don't embarrass me please."_

_"I'm not embarrassing you." He smiled "I'm proud of you. We both are."  
_

"Whatever." Cheyenne rolled her eyes "Uncle Derek is going to kill me. And it'll be all your fault. You know he adores you."

* * *

"I know." She sighed. She did have wonderful parents, but she felt overwhelmed lately "But I've been in school for the last 7 years and I want to let loose this week."

"Speaking of school." Cheyenne said, "You're making me miss a lot of important classes with this little necessary rendezvous of yours."

"You and I both know that's a lie." Ophelia rolled her eyes "We both know you're ahead of everyone already, you'll be Dr. Cheyenne Sloan before we can all blink, Chey."

"If I'm going to be a doctor, I really wish that you would quick calling me by that stupid nick name." she scoffed "It's embarrassing."

"Aw Chey." Lia smirked "But you love it."

* * *

_"This is bullshit!" Lexie screamed through the hospital room_

_"You're the one that opened your legs to the manwhore." Molly snickered "You deserve this."_

_"Epidural." Meredith coughed as she fed Lexie and ice chip "There's no shame."_

_"You had two natural deliveries and your third in four months."_

_"Yeah well." Meredith smirked "Not everyone is cut out to be hardcore."_

_"Get it out!" Lexie screamed "And where the fuck is he!"_

_"Right here." Derek said as he shoved Mark into the room "He was hiding."_

_"What!" Lexie gasped._

_"I wasn't hiding I was…getting coffee." Mark defended. They all looked at his empty hands "Ok I was hiding but she's scary."_

_"She is scary." Meredith smirked "And you're the one that did this to her so scary or not, man up manwhore."_

_Mark nodded as the doctor walked into the room. Meredith switched places with Mark and stood over in the corner with Derek as Lexie started to push. They watched sentimentally remembering the births of their own children as they were born into the world. They both softened into a cry as the baby was placed onto Lexie's chest._

_"Oh god." She breathed "Oh she's so pretty."_

_"She gets it from her Daddy." Mark smirked, Lexie shot him a glare "And her mommy."_

_After the baby was taken to the nursery and given a bath, Derek went to go get their two at home who were staying with his mother. He brought them to the hospital to see their new cousin. Ophelia walked in with wide curious eyes and walked over to her mother who was sitting on the edge of the bed._

_"Lia." Meredith smiled as she picked her up "Honey this is your cousin."_

_"Lia." Lexie smiled "Meet Cheyenne."  
_

* * *

"How can any self-respecting surgeon walk around being called Chey?"

"The kind that has a sense of humor." Ophelia laughed "Come on, lets get out of this shop before we get lost in here."

"Maybe we should get your loser brothers something while we're here."

"The brat twins will survive. If they want a souvenir from France, they can come get it themselves."

"You know, your brothers have treated you like a princess. You are very lucky." Cheyenne sighed "The least you can do is be nice."

"DJ went off to the damn Army to follow in dad and grandpa's footsteps and Caden wants to be a freaking chef, so he left for California. I'm pissed at them right now ok?"

"Not as pissed as your mom is." Cheyenne laughed.

"No, she takes the cake."

* * *

_"Are we going to see Cheyenne again?" Ophelia asked as she held onto Derek's hand as they walked through the halls of the hospital. DJ was scooped up into his free arm._

_"No honey." Derek said, "Chey went home with Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie months ago remember?"_

_"Oh." She frowned "Then why we here?"_

_"Remember? Mommy had another brother in her tummy."_

_"Oh." Ophelia's eyes lit up "Did her vagina grow to get him out?"_

_"Yes." Derek mumbled, still a little taken back that his daughter was aware of the V word._

_"Vagina." DJ said. Derek turned to see his eighteen month old son speak the first clear word he'd said in his young life and his face fell in awe before a chuckle erupted._

_"Oh son, I cannot wait to tell your dates what your first real word was."_

_DJ laughed and said it again "Vagina."_

_"Here we are!" Derek smiled as they walked into a room. Meredith looked up at them from the bed where she was holding a little bundle of blankets. Ophelia's face lit up and she climbed up next to her on the bed as she got a closer look at the little face. Derek set DJ on the bed so he could see the baby "There he is."_

_"What's his name?"_

_"Caden." Meredith smiled "Caden Derek Shepherd."  
_

* * *

"You can't be too mad at DJ for following in your dad's footsteps though." Cheyenne said, "You're following in both of theirs."

"True." Lia said as she stepped out onto the sidewalk "But at least I won't be going to any wars or anything."

"There are no wars going on right now." Cheyenne scoffed "You and your mom worry worse than hens in a hen house."

"All it takes is one stupid asshole to ruin your day." Ophelia scoffed.

She stepped off the curb and didn't see where she was going, she gasped as she started to trip when someone reached out and caught her arm, she was pulled into someone and cradled into a broad chest and softly lifted back to her feet. She gulped as she was suddenly staring into a pair of deep green eyes. He was tall, his hair was a sandy blonde color and stuck half-hazardly in all directions. His jaw was strong and square as he flashed a crooked smile her way, successfully stealing her breath away.

"Thanks." She whispered.

"My pleasure." He smiled.

"You're an American?"

"Obviously." He smirked "And so are you."

A smile played at her lips as she thought this might be a fun game of flirting for the trip, a small giggle rolled up her throat as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Obviously."

* * *

**THE END: PLEASE REVIEW**


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